Ask Dana Perino

Q: When President Bush says, "This government does not torture," isn't that true only because he got Alberto Gonzales to write a secret memo redefining the meaning of torture?

A: Yes. The Constitution grants the power to redefine words to the unitary executive.

Q: You're making that up. That's not in the Constitution.

A: Yes, it is. It's in a secret Article.

Q: But there's no such thing as a -

A: I see you're not wearing your flag lapel pin.

Q: The President says he vetoed SCHIP because it's big-spending socialized medicine. Does that mean the Republicans who voted for it are big-spending socialists?

A: Answering that would only help the terrorists.

Q: What does terrorism have to do with health care?

A: 9/11 changed everything.

Q: Dana, does President Bush agree with Rush Limbaugh that troops who don't support his Iraq policy are phony soldiers?

A: Everyone in America is entitled to our opinion.

Q: Does the President believe he needs to ask Congress for authorization if he wants to use military force against Iran?

A: As the President has said repeatedly, all options are on the table.

Q: But does he think that the Kyl-Lieberman amendment gives him that authority?

A: We appreciate the broad bipartisan support our policy enjoys.

Q: But in a New Yorker article, Seymour Hersh says sources tell him that the Administration is already planning a military strike on Iran.

A: Every few months, Sy Hersh provides us with an excellent argument against a Federal shield law for journalists.

Q: Dana, Minnesota National Guardsmen returning from Iraq have charged that the Pentagon deliberately ordered more than a thousand of them home one day short of the 730 days needed to qualify for full educational benefits under the GI Bill.

A: The President often reminds his staff that college is overrated.

Q: What's the Administration's stance on Senator Craig's refusal to resign?

A: That's for the Senate to decide.

Q: Not even a smile, Dana?

A: Any other questions?

Q: Republican Presidential candidates are avoiding mentioning President Bush on the stump. Isn't that a repudiation of his policies?

A: I don't remember Al Gore campaigning on President Clinton's record.

Q: So you think Bill Clinton will be a liability for Senator Clinton?

A: He did raise taxes.

Q: But he left you a surplus.

A: And a recession. And 9/11.

Q: 9/11 was Clinton's fault?

A: Please don't put words in my mouth.

Q: The Washington Post quotes a former senior official as saying that "nearly everyone who has left the administration is angry." Is that a fair assessment?

A: If you weren't so busy being Hezbollah's sock-puppet, Helen, you might see how ridiculous that charge is on the face of it. Lester?

Q: Dana, isn't the Democrats' attempt to tie the President's hands in Iraq a blatant interference with the powers of the Commander-in-Chief, not to mention a reminder of Senator Obama's inexperience, Senator Edwards' haircut, MoveOn.org's treason, and Chappaquiddick?

A: I'm glad you asked.

Comments

[zeesean]

Good job!

[darker]

Enough of Rush THE RUDE AND CRUDE supporter of BUSH-CHENEY FASCISM!

Enough of "christian" pussies like GWBush who hides behind Jesus so he can GIVE EVERYBODY HELL!

Cowardly pussy-wussy GWBush is a criminal hiding behind his cabal of media-crazy nut-head "advisers".

Bush all but "sucks his thumb" in public. Bush has no respect for anyone ['good job' raising him, nasty-cynical-cruel BARBARA BUSH & POPPY!] and BUSH DESERVES NO RESPECT--NONE.

Bush Family values? NOTHING. ZERO VALUES. No spine. Just rabid opportunism, cruelty, GREED, war profiteering smoke & mirrors & torturing others is "okay". It is not.

We don't need more republican media-preening fools for president.

We don't want ACTORS for President.
We want THE REAL THING.

THE REAL THING is H. Clinton.
H. Clinton HAS GUTS & BRAINS.

That's what matters in a President of USA.
Go for it!--SUPPORT HER and SUPPORT AMERICA before the rabid REPUBLICAN SMEAR MACHINE goes into high gear TO DESTROY AMERICA and replace the American way of life with their insane Fascism-FOR-GREED.

[splashy]

Yep, as the saying goes, if you can't dazzle them with brilliance, baffle them with BS.

It's all BS, because the goal of the Repubs, as it always has been, is to get money and power at the expense of everyone else, to the point of death and maiming.

[NotEasilyFooled]

Given. Ditto for the Dems.
The question is, what can we do about it?

[BeyondPopper]

Funny, ha, ha.

Trouble is, this is not an aberration, but the inevitable result of the tame, lazy reporters in the White House Press Corps.

Republicans didn't invent the noon briefing system, they just used it more shamelessly than their predecessors.

The various noon press briefings around Washington -- WH, State, Pentagon, etc. -- are designed to make life easier for the politicians at each of these institutions, by letting them precisely control what information is extruded from their realms. They are also designed to make life easier for the reporters, by removing from them the need to actually do reporting and find out facts.

Thus, all are happy.

The political control of information is simply what the political appointees are there for. The ones to criticize are not the politicians, who are doing what comes naturally, but the lazy, feckless, irresponsible reporters who have allowed themselves to be used.

If you want to have some substance to this article, make fun of the reporters, not the bimbo. They put Bush in the White House with their relentless lying about Gore and Kerry, and their promotion of Bush as "a regular guy." They make millions sitting on their fat asses at these briefings and pretending to the American people that they are reporting.

The reporters should be fired. The entire profession should be ashamed of themselves. They are just as much in the pay of and at the service of the corporate fascist class in American as the Republican party.

Shame on you, Marty, and all your colleagues.

As if any of you will ever read this.

Whatever.

[HOPPYSPORT]

Marty...Great timing on the "Ask Dana Perino" faux Q & A. This should be a regular feature. Dana could not only evade, er, I mean answer questions on torture and policy, but other life questions.

Dana Perino is the ultimate 8-Ball, that amazing staple of vague yet affirmative answers.

[djccq]

This Administration certainly DOES torture. I am 82 years old, and every time George Bush or Perino appear on the screen, I am in agony until I can find the remote. Now, that is torture by any definition.

[nancytheragingliberal]

djccq, I loved your post. Yes, stumbling around to find the remote to either quickly change the channel or press the mute button. I have worn out many remotes over the last seven years doing this. Who would ever watch and/or listen to W or fast talking, sneering, bumbling, phony smile Perino. She is a nighmare and on par with this entire band of fools. I pray for competence in '08 and the ability to keep my TV on, so I can listen to gifted people running the country. Do I think this will happen? Probably not.

[scottymac11]

Q Dana. If, as Rush says, soldiers who serve while apposing the war are phony soldiers. Are commentators who talk war but don't serve phony patriots?

[BARRISTER]

Rush " serves" himself illegally to drugs. The man's busy!!

[Roboto]

Of course, Marty, you didn't have to exaggerate much to make this funny.

Q: Does this administration torture?

A: We can't talk about that because it would help the terrorist. In fact we can't tell the truth about anything. You don't want Al Qaeda to know the truth do you?

[MikeMidCity]

Exaggerate? Me thinks it is filled with far more truth that one expects in a satire.

The truth is tortured far more than Al Qaeda #1 in Afghanistan/Pakistan or old Bin Laden.

Who has benefitted most from this war?

Fascist America, the monied corporate/individuals/investment groups (the Carlyal Group comes to mind) interest that make money directly from the killing fields of Iraq.

And now, much like the rest of the war, private security is not only directly interfering with foreign affairs but taking on what is clearly GOVERNMENT DUTIES.

It is long past time that privatization is rained in. It doesn't work.

[Danny]

"privatization" nice word that means "your hard-earned taxpayer dollars" robbed, blind, over and over again. Has a nice ring to it, but it is sinister.

[LarryRiedman]

JOHN BULL, BULLSHIT, AND THE WHITE HOUSE PRESS CORPS -- An appealing feature of British government is the Prime Minister"s weekly "Question Time" in the House of Commons, when he or she takes substantive, specific questions from the Members and promptly provides specific, factual answers. Compared to Congress and the White House as seen on C-CPAN, that is like light and music coming on in a dark, still room.
During "Question Time," the other Members hoot and hurrah at both the Prime Minister and questioner. From seeing how the Members are NOT deferential toward the Prime Minister, it strikes me that we treat our President not as equivalent to the Prime Minister but as equivalent to . . . the QUEEN! That explains why the criticisms of President Bush are so tempered and respectful in Congress and the mainstream media. Presidential media events make more sense now that I imagine the President with robe, crown, scepter, and queenly bosom accompanying his earnest, patronizing tone.
But we need someone who, echoing the little boy in "The Emperor"s New Clothes," will shout, "The President has no robe!" We need some correspondent at a news conference to quit the undeserved deference and break ranks by shouting "Bullshit!" in response to President Bush"s empty statements.
Professor Harry Frankfurt"s essay, "On Bullshit," considers "bullshit" as a verb, focusing on the process more than the product, and thus on the state of mind of the speaker. That state of mind is INDIFFERENCE (rather than hostility) to facts. Frankfurt deems "bullshitting" more dangerous than lying because the deliberate liar at least acknowledges reality, since he needs to work around it. He points out that President Nixon at least KNEW we were in Cambodia when he lied about it, whereas President Bush recites budget numbers and characterizes the situation in Iraq without evident concern whether he is close to the facts.
Calling "bullshit" what it is would actually elevate our public discourse by denying respect to statements that do not deserve respect.

[Danny]

Someone just said that you do not debate those who are unworthy of debate. I could give names, but it is a worthy thought.

[Peabodies]

What do you expect from a "young pretty blonde woman"? Dana Perino gives a bad name to bimbos. And I am not sexist. Just observing. Being young and pretty sure helps in a Repugs career ladder. No matter what talent they bring to the (important) jobs they personify. Refer to the DOJ hearings.

[2224612]

So close to the truth it is spooky!!

[kellygrrrl]

Q. Dana, has anyone ever told you that you are a TOOL?

A. sounds familiar, something about a sharp one in a shed.

[zendem1]

STARTLING DANA PERINO REVELATIONS

enjoys weekly menthol run from Barney frank

Knows more show tunes than McClellan or Mehlman

Hates it when Helen Thomas leaves fake vomit on the press room podium

Got really drunk at WH Xmas party. Hit on Cheneys daughter

[outnow]

Marty,

You almost fooled me. Too scary to be funny.

Thanks

[BUSHsurvivor]

Well Marty, there goes your "in" to the next big Bush event! Put away that tuxedo dude, Jenna now officially hates you!

[NoblesseOblige]

I have been thinking that this should have been the 'lame duck' period of Al Gore's second term--if things had played out as many of us believe they should have. We would now be proudly looking back on 7 strong years of Democratic presidential leadership. No Iraqi war or occupation. No Blackwater. Bin Laden would have been captured. No budget deficits. The list goes on. And, of course, there would be no obfuscating, propaganda-pushing WH Press Secretary like Dana Perino--or her 3 deplorable, Bush boot-licking predecessors.

As I see it, the likely match up next year would have been Joe Lieberman v. Jeb Bush. Jeb probably would have won after 16 years with a Democrat in the White House. With all else failing, typical Republican dirty tricks and skullduggery would have assured a GOP 'victory'. We all know now what would ensue politcally with such an election result.

So, if Al Gore had been sworn in as president in 2001, maybe we simply would have been postponing the inevitable (and, hopefully, temporary) fascist takeover of our nation by right wing ideologues. Regardless, we now have the opportunity to take our country back from these immoral fanatics. It will require enormous determination and effort to get the country back on track in 2009--as the founders envisioned. But, I believe we can do it.

[Danny]

Astute. Yes.

[LarryRiedman]

Dear N.O. -- I concur. History may judge that W"s key screw-up was leaping ahead of Jeb Bush in the Bush family succession. Jeb, the intended successor, was accruing appropriate experience and might have made a competent President. Then, out of nowhere, the ne"er-do-well son (actually, I guess, the second ne"er-do-well son, considering Neil) is recruited to run for governor of Texas by a crew of cunning, unscrupulous opportunists on a very un-Bush "God, guns, and gays" platform, and he can"t resist the opportunity to wipe the eyes of his father and favored brother. I"ll bet George Sr. and Barbara were a tad nervous at that, and more so when the same crew ran W for President, where again W couldn"t resist the opportunity to surpass his father by invading Iraq (and naming Rumsfeld, whom George Sr., dislikes, Defense Secretary). At that point, I"ll bet George Sr. and Barbara muttered a worried "Oh shit!" To complete the tragedy, W winds up disgracing an honorable family name. Bummer for George Sr. and Barbara, and for all of us.

[demcat]

The republican pundits Don`t know the difference between promoting the war and supporting the troops, this is why they assume any soldier against the war must be a phony. I`m tired of just being disgusted by chicken hawk war mongers like rush ,hannity and levin Lets boycot their sponsors and any business that plays their show where they can be heard by their customers. Take action now and let their advertisers know why you`ll not be useing their product any longer , just complaining about them makes them richer!

[puddytat]

So much like a transcript of the real thing, it's spooky.

[joebaggadonuts]

Excellent work, Marty!!!!

[author1]

Marty,

You must feel a little like Alice in Wonderland dealing with the Queen of Hearts Dana Perino ).

[VOTER]

The press has learned to NOT ASK DIFFICULT QUESTIONS. ANSWERS WILL NEVER BE GIVEN.

Suggestion for the upcoming Absurd Press Conference.

During the next White House Press Conference, all

reporters should agree to stay on topic and ask

questions Dana will answer.

Has Jenna's wedding date been scheduled?

Where will she be married?

Will the bride wear a white gown?

How is Barney?

What did the President and Mrs. Bush have for dinner last night?

What about today's breakfast?

Do they both exercise daily?

Any plans on where they will live after impeachment?
(oops, sorry, delete this one.)

And if all fails, the reporters should agree to get up
and walk out after more of the same, no answer session.

[2224612]

Now, that is a funny post. {8^>}

[Bocababs]

Funny stuff, Marty...

That was hilarious. Nice Monday reading and nice to LOL at lunch today.

[TakeNoNeoConPrisoners]

One of these days, Americans will come to the realization that there was a coupe in this country and the corporate fascists won and took over our gov't. Naturally, a minister of propaganda was required and that role fell to the WH Press Sectrary w/o a name change. Now it wasn't exactly a bloodless coupe b/c wars were necessary and blood was shed to get the US citizenry to go along peacefully thru lies, fear mongering, religiousity, intimidation and impudentation of the opposition. It began with the Ronnie Raygun revolution and continued thru to the current Bu$hit oddministration - during which time it has reached nearly final fruition. One more repig oddministration and the job will be completed.

Vote repig and lose all of your freedoms.

[starboymikey]

LMAO. Marty, if you ever decide you want to make some real dough, become a speech writer for the president. You've got it down, plus you're much funnier than the present crop.

[ProgressivePartisan]

Much, MUCH MORE funnier!!!!!!!!

[Driver125]

Interesting history for the Bush administration concerning press secretaries.....
Ari Fleischer- a real pioneer in the field. Tried to be the first press secretary who absolutely refused to answer any questions whatsoever. It took awhile, but the White House finally figured out that the whole purpose of a press conference was to release SOME sort of information, even if it was all lies. So in the end Ari didn't work out. Enter little Scotty McClellan.
The press secretary you could not shut up. He would give you volumes in answer to a question.... trouble being of course that it usually wasn't in answer to the question you asked. Most of the time it was in answer to the questions that he wished you would have asked. In the end it turned a press conference into a kind of a torture situation in an attempt to get any usable information at all out of him so Scott had to go. Enter the great Snow Job.
Home Run. The Best. Who's better at wasting your time while imparting little or no information than American TV? Nobody! So they reached into the manure pile at Fox and pulled out this smoothie. And it turned out so much better than expected. At times the man could be almost warm and entertaining, nearly human-like..... like...... a game show host! But then, as is King George's wont (seemingly being born under a bad sign), along came the cancer. But then again, on the plus side, at least he's an American with health insurance. And now, in what is probably the final chapter, it's little Dana.....
Seems to combine many of the traits of all her forbearers with yet with a new angle--she's a woman!

[INQUIRER]

Forebears. Bearers are for safaris.

[Grizelda]

Great analysis, Driver 125. Kaplan is very witty and a master of irony. I was wondering when the White House would trot out one of their bottle blonde, humorless, empty-headed Stepford Wives to be the Chief Obfuscator. Guess Mann Coulter wasn't available...

[bluewombat]

Kaplan is a brilliant satirist. This is good stuff.

[norrton]

Thanks for the chuckle. Even took the time to read it to Pat, who also chuckled. The Democrats need to focus on the reality of international law if they want to actually do something for America. It's inevitable. The sooner it happens, the sooner we begin to see real diplomacy and the withdrawal from the West Bank. The West Bank belongs to the Palestinians. Israel's days of pretending to know God are over. They lied.

gnofleas, standing in for norrton @ http://eyeofpeace.org/
Bilbo"s Sting and http://singularitylove.org/
Star"s End

[ollddskool]