What I Really Want for Mother's Day

05/05/2015 04:29 pm ET | Updated May 04, 2016
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On Sunday morning, I'll get to sleep in as my husband wrangles the kids and makes breakfast. I'll lie in bed for a while, listening to the sounds of my girls chattering, chairs scooting across the kitchen floor and the toilet flushing. It will be music to my mom ears, if only for the simple fact that I can observe it from a safe distance, tucked warmly in my bed with the bedroom door closed.

Before I emerge from my idyllic cocoon, I'll prepare myself for the plethora of homemade cards, pretty flowers and sloppy kisses that will greet my arrival. I truly love those gifts from my precious daughters and the love in their eyes as they shower me with their presents is the best feeling ever.


But if they really want to rock my Mother's Day, I have a few suggestions for them. A few ways for my four year old and six year old to up their game, if you will:

1. Stop wiping boogers everywhere
Imagine if just for one day, I could walk through my house without finding a dried booger stuck to the wall. Or sit down to relax at the end of the day and not brush my hand over a snot rocket that one of my offspring placed there.

Eat all three meals today without complaining. I'm not making liverwurst and Brussels sprouts, it's just some rice and vegetables, for goodness sake. Today, let me place the food in front of you and then just start enjoying it. Don't ask for ketchup, tell me today you don't like ham even though yesterday you ate three pieces of it and don't FOR THE LOVE OF GOD tell me your stomach hurts and then ask for a snack 20 minutes later.

3. Don't touch each other
Walk by each other in the hallway without ramming each other. Sit near each other on the couch without poking and kicking. And while you're joyfully eating the delicious food I've lovingly prepared, don't complain about the other person staring at you while you eat. You sit across from each other because it's safest if you don't sit next to each other. My next line of defense is making you eat with your eyes closed.

4. Just. Wear. The. Clothes.
It's my day, let me have the color-coordinated outfits. Tomorrow you can go back to the tank top and snow boots or the paint-stained pants that make us look homeless when we go shopping. But today, just today, let me have the matching outfits. Please.

5. Put it back where you got it
I'm not asking you to rearrange the living room or clean out the garage. All I want is for you to pick up that pile of books you got out and shove it into that basket. You don't have to alphabetize it or even make them all go the same way, you just have to pick them up with your little hands and place them in that little basket that is approximately four inches from the pile. It will take you twenty seconds tops.

6. Wash your hands
I see what you touch when you think I'm not looking. Also see: boogers.

7. Don't scream like that unless you're being kidnapped
Because when I drop what I'm doing to sprint around the corner and it's nothing more than a teeny tiny fly that flew by your head, you will wish you really were kidnapped.

8. A stroll around the neighborhood without heavy lifting
I would love to spend some time today lazily walking around our neighborhood. Spring is putting on quite the show and strolling hand-in-hand with your dad while you guys ride your bikes or scooters just sounds dreamy. But at some point on our walk -- normally when we are at the farthest point from the house -- you will decide your legs are too tired. The walk goes downhill quickly from here. Twenty minutes later, we all arrive home sweaty, grumbling and annoyed because we carried kids, bikes, and possibly the dog for more than a mile. I just want a relaxing walk for Mother's Day.

9. Bedtime without sudden dehydration
As the day winds down and I tuck your cute little heads into bed, try really hard not to develop sudden extreme thirst that will not be quenched until hours past your bedtime and with water from the kitchen faucet (not the bathroom faucet, because you can totally tell the difference). It must also be the perfect temperature, because some water is just too cold for you, poor little Goldilocks that you are.

I know that one day I'll miss the things they did when they were little: the hugs, the artwork that covers my fridge and the greasy fingerprints all over my windows. So even if this Mother's Day thing doesn't turn out exactly like the suggestions above, it will still be pretty perfect. And I'll love those children of mine just the way they are because they do the same for me. What a wonderful gift.