THE BLOG
04/08/2014 02:54 pm ET | Updated Feb 02, 2016

What's Your Lesbian Good Luck Story?

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Lesbian Good Luck, what is that anyway? Is it finding an amazing job? Living someplace that's perfect for you? Having a great dog, cat, ferret or parrot as a pet? Or finding love that works and lasts?

It's some of all of the above and luck is something we create for ourselves. So what's the path to creating more lesbian luck in your life?

Let's start with love. How do you get so lucky that you find the love you want.

First off, love is not a sexual preference, but sex does belong in the relationship equation. Your lesbian love story, is it hot, sweet or something complicated and in between? Does it have a component of luck in it?

Is your lesbian love story that there isn't enough love happening in your life? Or is your story that you've found an amazing woman and you're a couple, a unit, a team for life? Either way, you've got a love story you're telling people and it's says your lucky or unlucky in love.

Now stories are interesting things. Something happens and it becomes a story with meaning. We assign the meaning and that can be lucky, good, bad, ugly, pretty, amazing, unlucky, awful or whole slew of different things. Just like going to the movies.

You and your girlfriend went to see Blue Is The Warmest Color. You loved it and thought it was hot. Your girlfriend hated it and thought is was a bad version of lesbian porn. You both assigned different meanings to what you saw and how you interpreted it. Same event, really different outcomes.

That's life in a nutshell. That's love in a nutshell. That's your lesbian love story and I won't mention the nuts again!

When I work with clients, one important exercise we work on is meaning. What meaning they've assigned to their experiences of dating and relationship. It's powerful to take something and assign a new meaning to it. I call those lesbian game changers.

It's also powerful to apply the words luck or lucky to some part of your life story. Ask yourself, where has luck showed up for me? What was I lucky to have happen to me? Or how has luck been present and I didn't notice?

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In the last six months of traveling the country with the Gay Girl Love Tour, I've heard so many stories from women who are frustrated with dating because it's not going the way they want (i.e., leading to a great relationship easily and without effort).

Perhaps one antidote is to recognize that sometimes you are lucky to be single and not stuck in a bad relationship.

Many women just give up and that isn't a lesbian phenomenon, it's a people phenomenon. You think it's too hard, you're too old, you're too young, you're not pretty enough, you're too butch, too soft, too femme, too something! Or you've got a set of rules 10 miles long that not even you can keep track of and those rules are stopping you from living a life that is full of goodness. You can't find anything lucky about your present situation.

Rules are another way we craft meaning in our lives. You've got a rule that says you must never weigh more than 152 pounds. And everyday that you get up and weight 154, you feel horrible. Why? Because it means you're a failure! Who made that rule up? Where's the love in that rule? And where is the room for luck?

Your lesbian luck story has to start with you! That "me, myself and I" thing.

If you've got a story about your life that makes you feel like you've failed, let people down, made too many mistakes or just aren't good enough for love, that's what keeps showing up in your world.

You assigned luck to all those other lesbians in relationships. They are the lucky ones and you're just not lucky. Your view of the world will always be what you get because that's all you can see.

What if you could see yourself as lucky? Lucky in life and lucky in love?

Researchers now know that we can create our own luck. And there are four things that lucky people consistently do!

Psychologist and Luck expert Richard Wiseman states:

Lucky people generate their own good fortune via four basic principles. They are skilled at creating and noticing chance opportunities, make lucky decisions by listening to their intuition, create self fulfilling prophesies via positive expectations, and adopt a resilient attitude that transforms bad luck into good.

Get it. You do create your own luck by how you approach life and how you assign meaning to the things that happen to you. Yes, even the terrible, awful, sucky shit that happens.

So like Richard Wiseman, who calls himself a "luck expert", perhaps its time for you to become your own luck expert. Start infusing your day with the expectation of lucky things happening to you, for you and by you.

Write your amazing lesbian luck story today. And it could even include a chapter on how lucky you are in love!

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