If you're a frequent user of Facebook, you'll know what profile picture I'm talking about. The photo is taken from a phone that's been lifted high above her head. When it's posted, her face is front and center, a sultry smile on her lips, and you can see right down her shirt. She's not wearing the usual wardrobe of one sitting at her computer. Take my current style as an example: no shower, sweats, hair caught up in a messy ponytail, baggy sweatshirt. No, the profile picture I'm talking about looks like she's ready for a night out with her girlfriends: halter-top, jewelry, shiny red lips, curled eyelashes and freshly brushed teeth. For the record, I think women should wear whatever they want, and I hope they feel beautiful and confident. Many of their diverse body shapes are gorgeous, and I believe they have every right to post photos of themselves in whatever pose they wish online. But it isn't just adults who take these self-portraits and view these profile pictures.
When I check my homepage, I see my cousins and their friends (under sixteen) in the same pose: hair freshly straightened and swept to the side, dark lines trimming their eyes, pursed lips, and a bit of cleavage peeking from their blouse. What's the response from Facebook users? Fifteen "likes" within minutes and comments like "sassy" and "you look hot!" Curiously, I peruse photos of their mothers and the profiles of some high school "friends" I've been reunited with through this social network. The same image keeps cropping up.
What's also notable is the lack of feedback on postings that celebrate the preteen's intellect, imagination, kindness or maturity. Sure, every once in a while you see an "I'm so proud of my daughter; she made the honor roll." I'm not implying that these are nonexistent; however, I would say that I see more reinforcement of beauty and sexuality than I do of other traits. Because mothers are their daughters' primary role models, I wonder what impact a mom's sultry image with a thumbs-up has on her adolescent.
Our profiles are projections of an ideal, a version of ourselves that is, at best, a half-truth brought to life by our interactions with "friends." Facebook has been given its name for a reason. This social networking site enables users to share a certain "face" with the world in a presentation made up of choice photos and carefully considered status updates.
My preteen years are far behind me now, but I can still remember the care I took in curling my bangs each morning before the school bus arrived. I haven't forgotten the shyness I felt about the brand of clothes I wore or the anxiety resulting from my belief that everyone was looking at and judging me. Daily, I wished to be thinner, prettier, and cooler. My concerns were not all that unique.
In the age of social networking, these all-too-familiar feelings young girls share are magnified. Unlike those of us who grew up before cell phones and the Internet, we might have found comfort in the fact that we could be wrong. Maybe no one actually noticed the totally unhip clothes we wore or the way our bangs didn't lie just right across our foreheads. Unlike earlier generations, today's preteens can track the number of people who are looking at them. They can see just how they've been judged by the "liking" and the commenting, and they are encouraged to judge one another. Studies have shown that these online interactions have an impact that isn't always positive.
This phenomenon reminds me of the myth of Pygmalion who asked a sculptor to create an image of his ideal woman. Of course, Pygmalion falls hopelessly in love with the statue, a non-speaking, non-thinking beauty. I'm wondering what image we're carving out and bringing to life in young girls when we allow them to create a Facebook profile. What perspective do they have of the "ideal woman" as they scroll down the page and see a woman who has posted a new picture that glorifies her beauty? Do they notice the absence of that woman's perspective in an otherwise male-dominated conversation or the few thumbs-ups on her link to a controversial topic? What do we reinforce when we "like" a picture or ignore an astute comment that expresses inner beauty?
Our next generation of women may grow up with a strong foundation of knowledge when it comes to using a computer or of researching on the web. On the other hand, they may be like Pygmalion, hopelessly in love with an ideal that has little chance of becoming a reality (without the help of divine intervention). If so, what value will they place on the real woman whose status can't be expressed in 140 characters?
This piece originally appeared on Open Salon.
Follow Mary Keck on Twitter: www.twitter.com/Profkeck
"What perspective do they have of the "ideal woman" as they scroll down the page and see a woman who has posted a new picture that glorifies her beauty? Do they notice the absence of that woman's perspective in an otherwise male-dominated conversation or the few thumbs-ups on her link to a controversial topic?"
So a woman cannot express her beauty and want to participate in "male dominated conversation"? And of course, no woman with a sexy profile picture (which is subjective) can post a controversial topic on their wall and not be taken seriously? I don't feel comfortable with these assumptions. You're judging someone based on pictures, which is something you should never do.
I do have FB, my profile says the truth about myself. I am in the last half of my life. Having been through an awful 22 year marriage. I now feel more alive than ever (with bad health at that) and my pictures show my love for The Free Feeling Of Riding A Harley, and my new silly little baby sun conure.
Please forgive each other, it is not worth once ounce of energy that is being wasted over FB or a picture that was not approved of. Each person has their own thought on things. That is why the world is so different. There will always be "a little straw" that may stir things up. Bend it in half, throw it away. The little straw will then be forgotten as new little straws will always pop up in our lives, and go on and enjoy your life. It's the only one we have.
What a joke.
Tweens and teens, on the other hand, have no business posting sexy images of themselves. Mentally they are ill equipped to deal with the comments, for a variety of reasons. Besides, where are the parents? Shouldn't the parents monitor or at least be a little concerned what their kids are posting? I've seen some seriously racy pictures of young girls on facebook. No matter how you look at it, it's not right.
I'm on there but barely check it anymore, it's gotten really old.
& Yes, I have a few friends, middle aged ladies who post these exact zexy pics of themselves, but as you said, they are adults, that is their business.
Good for you, it sounds like fun.
"Our next generation of women may grow up with a strong foundation of knowledge when it comes to
using a computer or of researching on the web. On the other hand, they may be like Pygmalion, hopelessly in love with an ideal that has little chance of becoming a reality..."
This is a false dichotomy. It is not an either/or. If we really believe, as I strongly do, that young women have more to contribute than a mainstream aesthetic of beautiful body and face, then we will realize that they will use their brains to muddle through the complexities of being a woman...just as their mothers have done. They may post those somewhat superficial pictures, but they have had and continue to have life experiences that are broad and vast and beyond the camera; I have faith in the intelligence of young women and their moms.
On the other hand, I think there is much stacked against a young woman who doesn't have exposure to "the complexity in life." I grew up in a small town in the midwest, and it wasn't until I chose to enroll in college that I truly discovered the value of my brain. Of course, my parents encouraged me to do well in school, but if I'm honest I have to say that social concerns were much more important to me as a teen and young adult. Many girls will not have the opportunity to educate themselves or move beyond their sphere of influences. Ideally as they wade through the complexities of life, they will discover that there's more to beauty than the "mainstream aesthetic," but is this discovery made easier or harder because of social networking? The question I'm asking in this post is whether or not FB is an ally for parents who hope to teach their children about the "the complexitiÂes of being a woman" or person.