See something? Hear something? Please, say something! No, this is not a terrorist alert warning about a strange package on a subway platform; it's for another type of terrorism: physical and sexual abuse of children. For the past 25 years, I have dedicated my career to trying to make New York City a safer, healthier place for children. It's a daily battle, but I intend to keep fighting, as I know that child abuse is preventable. It's everyone's job to protect children, not just the local authorities.
It's interesting that although the social media age has dramatically lowered the thresholds on privacy standards, and although many feel it's their right to know all, most adults are still reticent about reporting their suspicions about child abuse. How many times do we hear on the news, "I knew something was wrong, but I never thought he'd hurt the baby," or, "They are always fighting in that house, but you are afraid to get involved, don't know if they could turn on you."
Occasionally, I am uplifted by an unknown citizen getting involved to stop the abuse of children. On the news recently, a man called the police and was credited with saving a woman and her childrens' lives. Her estranged husband had stormed into the house and stabbed them all repeatedly. The Good Samaritan said, "I heard them fighting before, but this time it was the children screaming. You have to do something if the children are involved." How amazing, how brave, how good he must feel that his actions saved those children's lives.
Alarmingly, significant numbers of child abuse and neglect incidentes go unreported. It qualifies as an epidemic if you put it in medical terms, and the young victims often endure physical and mental health problems as a result. You would imagine that society would be clamoring for a solution.
You might be thinking, why add to those epidemic numbers? I'll explain. When a child is brought to the attention of the authorities charged with investigating these cases, the children and their parents can get the help that they need to prevent future abuse and strengthen their family unit. It can mean the difference between life and death for newborns and children under the age of four, when most fatalities occur.
So what is a concerned citizen to do? Perhaps you are not 100-percent sure about your concerns. Even if this is the case, you can and should take steps to help rescue the child. I counsel parents that if they have a "reasonable suspicion" that a child is at risk, that's enough to make a call to the state's child abuse hotline. Much child abuse occurs behind closed doors; therefore, it's important for concerned friends, family members and neighbors to be familiar with the signs. And children, particularly younger ones, who may not be in school yet, will probably not tell you that they've been hurt, so concerned adults need to be their advocates if they have suspicions.
It's not always easy to tell if a child was hurt while playing or roughhousing, or if they were deliberately harmed by their caretakers. Our website offers a guide to signs and symptoms.
So what are the steps in making a report? I recommend that all adults learn the basic steps and take action.
First of all, if you see a child being abused, or hear a child screaming in pain, call 911. If you have suspicions that a child is at risk, every state has a hotline that you can call to make a report. They will ask for your name and number, but you can choose to remain anonymous. Even if you are not certain about all the specifics, make the call. It's then up to the investigators to follow through.
Yes, taking action will probably make you anxious. That's understandable, as it's such an important undertaking. Nevertheless, you'll rest easier knowing that due to your intervention, the child and their parent will be getting help and attention. Remember, child abuse is preventable. Everyone must be part of the solution.
The NYSPCC has launched their first text campaign. To make a $10 donation, please text "NYSPCC" to 50555. All proceeds will benefit The NYSPCC and help fund all programs to prevent abuse and help more children and families heal.
Eishes Chayil: Orthodox Jewish Child Abuse: Shattering a Traumatic Silence
You would think that in this day and age, the judges would know that the pedophile or sexual abuser would not say - "Yes, I did it. Handcuff me and put me away..."
The entire process should be standardized so that a clean and proper investigation is done, maybe even protect all the children by placing them in a neutral place while doing the investigation. I'll go for this. BUT - to immediately suspect the mother from manipulating the children and not even starting the investigation but taking away the custody from the mother, giving the child to the pedophile, then 6 years later condemning the pedophile husband for sexual abuse of a child - is purely HORRIFIC.
See, to most people these are just years. To most, we're just unfortunate and so on and so forth.
Lives were DESTROYED. Families broken. CHILDREN HARMED.
A wrong judgment like this can ruin families, children. We are just not a 'mistake'. WE ARE THE REASON WHY JUDGES SHOULD BE MADE ACCOUNTABLE FOR THEIR WRONG DECISIONS.
So where is the safety net? Aren't there over-zealous social workers more than willing to pursue a dubious claim, unwilling to even consider that a child might be lying; as well as cases where a social worker is too lax in their investigation and is later found at fault for having allowed a tragedy to ensue. Where is the line? How is one to judge? Should accusers, even children, be automatically subject to polygraph tests?
I understand the problem. But I fear the witch-hunt. There are real people being hurt by abuse. But there are also innocent people being hurt by well-meaning but perhaps over-zealous accusers, as well as by vindictive, mendacious accusers. Where's the line? Where's the safety net?
Unfortunately, I don't have the answers to those questions. But aren't they valid questions that we should consider?
I suspected another child of being sexually assaulted it, and being the good citizen I am. I reported it. Nothing. Zero. It's made me realize that the problem does not lie with people failing to report, but that the 'authorities' refuse to step in!
and with my father, he only left a mark on us once, so there is very little evidence of physical abuse the majority of the time. That didn't stop me from telling everyone that my dad threatened to kill my brother all the time. But most people thought I was a victim of too much violent TV and not enough church, which causes me to have a violent imagination. Not true, they just didn't care enough to find out that my mother, brother and I were all scared for our lives.
My husband told the judge I fabricated my daughter's story and the judge gave him 100% custody of my youngest daughter. So, I think I went a teeny weeny bit crazy with grief because of this.
SIX years later, the court of appeals judged him guilty of sexually abusing my eldest daughter (started when she was 9). And this you would not believe... Here in France, just because a man is judged guilty of sexually abusing a child does not mean that he loses his custody of a child. It is truly SICK.
So, knowing what I know now - would I say something if my daughter reveals child abuse? Answer is NO - I would keep quiet, then take all my 3 girls back to the states (we're all americans and he has dual citizenship). Because I think that in the States, the inmates would be feasting on him by now.
in our case, it was my daughter who revealed what happened to her. When she got around to saying what happened to her when she was 9, she was already a teenager. It is normal, that a child truly does not understand what was done to them until they reach puberty.
All I did was merely believe in my daughter. Besides, my ex-husband didn't leave me much option after he admitted it to me in private. He said, 'here in france, nothing will happen to me'.
So many lives ruined... 6 long years... Still having gone through such agony over the last 6 years and knowing what I know now, I would no longer say anything to the authorities here in France. I would just buy a gun and pump all the bullets in his face, heart and d**k or like I said, I would draw him out in the U.S. where we are all from.
In anycase, he has been judged guilty 4 months ago.
The message is clear but can never be reinforced enough: prevention of child abuse is everyone's business. If we suspect it is happening, we must try to stop it. Thanks for this, Mary.
Only one thing I'd like to add in response: Many states have enacted laws that protect people from lawsuits who report suspicions of child abuse to the proper authorities if they were acting "in good faith". There is wide latitude for that "good faith" designation.
So please, if you are unwilling to get involved because you think you might get sued, think again. You might save a child's life and you will be protected (often you can report anonymously).
Thanks to the NYSPCC and all child abuse prevention agencies for helping save children.
Jorge
NYC