Dad in My Mirror

I've read more than my share of articles about how women's self-esteem and internal body image are molded by advertising or 'the media.' Don't have Beyonce's legs? Awww, too bad. And, if beauty and fashion ads didn't warp you, the blame for our insecurities falls on Mom or especially Dad since he was the first male to approve... or not.

I was one of the lucky ones.

If you check out this picture of me from third grade, you'll see I could be called scrawny, at best. I was small for my age and kind of bony. Maybe it was worse than that, because in the mall, shoppers used to approach my Mom with me in tow, to ask, "Do you feed her?" Mom was proudly protective and gritted her teeth, probably muttering that at least I didn't seem to be inhaling potato chips like the offending lady's kid. But she worried. She used to make these concoctions of ginger ale, raw egg, milk and bananas and get me to chug them down to chub up.

But once I hit freshman year of high school, I added a shiny signpost to the top of my beanpole -- braces, the steely kind that glinted in the sun and caught stray hair. In my photo ID taken the first day of school, with my long and unfashionably wavy hair crowding out my neck and splayed across my flat, pale chest, I honestly looked like a voodoo head on a stick.

But it was Dad who changed what I saw in the mirror. I remember one Saturday night when I was dressed to go out to a dance in a mini dress with chunky shoes, frizzy hair and an aluminum smile, feeling extremely uncool compared to my classmates who were curvy girls with stick-straight, steam-ironed locks. And Dad stared, paused, then said, "When you get a little older, do you know what you will be?" Sullen and downcast, I answered, "What?" "Willowy. You will be willowy."

Willowy. I was never going to be voluptuous like Mom or like one of the racehorse, athletic types of the drill team. But I could be willowy... like a tree, like a dancer, like a woman who's content to be graceful rather than gorgeous. What a gift to give to girl when she was most vulnerable and hopeful.

I lost my father two years ago. I don't have him here anymore to say, "Baby, you look lovely," as he did, for as long as I can remember. But even as I look in the mirror now, settled into the body I was born with, I thank my Dad for making me feel beautiful. No, better than that. Unique. Willowy.

 

Follow Mary Lou Quinlan on Twitter: www.twitter.com/@MaryLouQuinlan

Comments

[GrownandFlown]

09:20 AM on 06/16/2012

My dad, too, helped inspire his two little girls to have confidence in themselves. Sounds like your father did that for you. We are lucky ones to have had them in our lives. I wrote about my dad who passed away seven years ago:
http://grownandflown.com/2012/06/15/dancing-with-dad/

[liven]

09:54 AM on 06/15/2012

So where is the happy medium between this article and the ones where parents are told not to harp on a little girl's looks (ie telling her she's pretty, etc.), as it might lead them to believe it's all that matters and they have nothing else to offer?

[just a thought]

10:55 AM on 06/15/2012

While I agree wholly with your belief that little girls should be encouraged to focus on traits other than physical beauty alone, I do believe that Ms. Quinlan was targeting self-esteem as it relates to internal body image (as detailed in the opening of her blog) and one of the ways in which her lovely father provided the sustenance to nourish a healthy perspective. I do not believe that she made any mention that this was the only way in which he provided reassurances. We are very fortunate who have (and in my case, had) a father as supportive and loving as Mary Lou's.

[Mary Lou Quinlan]

03:17 PM on 06/15/2012

believe me, my Dad didn't harp on my looks. This was but one example of the gentle ways he showed me loved me just as I was. And over time, especailly as we age, being told we are pretty off and on, especially by our fathers, is something sweet. His interest in my career, hobbies, friends, dreams, concerns...knew no bounds.

[RossEllis]

07:16 PM on 06/14/2012

Mary Lou,

You are so lucky that you had a dad who made you feel beautiful. Some girls don't have that. I wish that every girl in the world would have a father who would make her feel beautiful as your father did.

I know you and know that you are beautiful inside and out. And knowing how successful you are -- I can only imagine your dad's pride in all of your accomplishments.

So to all the dads who have daughters, please make them feel beautiful and special. It does wonders for a girl's self-esteem and can mold them into successful women like Mary Lou Quinaln!

Ross Ellis
Founder and Chief Executive Officer
Love Our Children USA
STOMP Out Bullying

[RossEllis]

02:38 PM on 06/21/2012

Thanks for the fave!