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Mary Darling Montero, LCSW
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Entries by Mary Darling Montero, LCSW

A Mother's Fight

(0) Comments | Posted May 6, 2015 | 3:49 PM

This Mother's Day falls just before my two-year anniversary of being diagnosed with an aggressive form of early-stage, invasive breast cancer. Anniversaries can trigger traumatic memories, and as mine approaches I catch myself reliving pieces of the day I was diagnosed. Breast cancer would permeate every layer of my identity,...

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A Double Mastectomy Convinced Me to Stop Bad-Mouthing My Body

(11) Comments | Posted February 21, 2014 | 7:53 AM

It is a Sunday, four days after my double mastectomy and three weeks after finishing six rounds of chemotherapy. I am standing in front of my bathroom mirror, about to look at the surgery site for the first time. I take off the surgical bra and see two large, rectangular...

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Newly-Single Mom? Make the Most of Mother's Day

(3) Comments | Posted May 4, 2011 | 9:01 PM

If you're a newly-single mom, chances are you've been dealing with some tough emotions. The end of a relationship is hard enough; throw in worrying about how your kids are coping and wondering how you'll co-parent with your ex, and you're in stress-overload mode. With Mother's Day coming up, why...

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Spring Cleaning Traces of Your Ex: Why Your Heart Will Thank You

(6) Comments | Posted April 11, 2011 | 10:34 AM

You know the scene: You've just been through a breakup or divorce. You walk into your house and the first thing you see are your ex's shoes by the door. Raise your eyes and there are the photos. Her toothbrush is next to the bathroom sink. His favorite beer is...

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Feeling Depressed? Pay Attention to the Good Days

(7) Comments | Posted February 21, 2011 | 7:19 PM

Most of us have lived through dark seasons in our lives -- weeks or months when we feel sad more often than not. A relationship breakup or divorce can bring on such a season, and even though everyone copes with the loss of a relationship differently, something that might help...

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Newly Divorced? Don't Forget to Grieve

(3) Comments | Posted December 14, 2010 | 9:20 AM

At we acknowledge and encourage that a vital step in healing after a relationship breakup or divorce is releasing negative thoughts and feelings in order to clear out space for bettering yourself, your life and your future. Some of us believe that if we ignore our pain...

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Obsessing Over a Breakup? Here's How to Stop

(123) Comments | Posted November 30, 2010 | 7:50 AM

A lot of people wonder how to start feeling better when they can't stop thinking about a relationship breakup or divorce. Some have even used the word "obsessed" to describe the way a divorce or breakup dominates their thoughts. Scientists who study the brain have found that different...

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An Action Plan to Beat the Heartbreak Blues

(1) Comments | Posted November 22, 2010 | 6:29 PM

When it comes to healing after a divorce, chances are you're battling the heartbreak blues. Said blues can be stubborn, so it's important to stay on top of them. Otherwise, they could morph into full-blown depression, and we want you on the road to bouncing back,...

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Regain Your Independence After a Divorce

(0) Comments | Posted November 15, 2010 | 3:55 PM has been abuzz with articles about regaining your independence after a divorce or breakup, and the reality is it's an extremely difficult challenge. When a marriage falls apart, you are not only dealing with the stress of the process of divorce, but you are left with...

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Can Your Partner Really Change?

(33) Comments | Posted October 7, 2010 | 8:00 AM

In an earlier article, Letting Go Of What You Can't Control, we looked at becoming unstuck after a relationship ends by letting go of what we can't control. This idea arises within long-term and new relationships, too. If we're unhappy in a long-term relationship or just back on...

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Letting Go of What You Can't Control

(12) Comments | Posted September 24, 2010 | 7:00 AM

Based on popular topics on the message boards and in my psychotherapy practice, it's clear that one of the reasons we become stuck in suffering after a relationship ends (and in many other areas of life) is this: We're trying to change things that are beyond...

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Are Rebound Relationships Doomed From the Start?

(11) Comments | Posted September 13, 2010 | 10:15 AM

In honor of National Singles Week this month, is assessing a question you might be facing if you're newly single: To rebound or not to rebound? Rebound relationships tend to have a bad reputation. Typically they're equated to the band-aid that falls off eventually, exposing a still-tender...

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Connect to Your Spirituality, Without Going Anywhere

(3) Comments | Posted September 2, 2010 | 11:02 AM

This month at BounceBack we've been talking about getaways and taking a vacation from the mess of a broken relationship -- taking a break to focus on family, friends, rest, relaxation and, most importantly, you. The mess might still be there when you return, but you'll likely find...

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Learning Post-Breakup Self-Care

(23) Comments | Posted August 26, 2010 | 7:00 AM

After a relationship breakup it's not uncommon to wonder, what was my role in the relationship's downfall? What can I do differently in future relationships to avoid going through this again? While those types of questions reflect a healthy dose of self-exploration and growth, some of us fall...

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Is History Repeating Itself in Your Relationships?

(8) Comments | Posted August 9, 2010 | 7:00 AM

Have you ever felt that certain patterns keep popping up in your relationships with significant others, family, friends, bosses or coworkers and wondered why? After a relationship breakup or divorce is an ideal time to explore this. Most of us, often without realizing it, follow distinct patterns in our relationships--patterns...

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