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Maryjane Fahey

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An Oscar-Themed Open Letter to Demi Moore

Posted: 02/28/2012 1:26 pm

Dear Demi,

Your breakup with Ashton is old news by now. Whether you dumped him, or he dumped you -- no matter. The man behaved shabbily and now -- hey -- you're on your own again.

The Oscars were Sunday night, and I had you, your career, and your future empowerment very much on my mind. I saw "Another Happy Day," and thought you really brought it home playing the bitch ex stripper, coke-whore mom -- nearly spitting nails with every word catapulted at your co-star, Ellen Barkin. That cat fight in the loo alone was worth the price of admission. Go girl! Now, speaking of Ellen...

Why, I ask myself, was Ellen not nominated for best leading actress at the Oscars instead of, say, Michelle Williams? Come on! Love Michelle, but the casting was off. She's an elegant beauty -- not "hot and juicy" like Marilyn was. While "Another Happy Day" made me want to throw myself into the Hudson -- Ellen blew me away! She was in full bloom as Lynn, the sad matriarch of an even sadder clan.

Demi... let's just look at that post-dumped reinvention of Ellen's, shall we? And take heed...

Okay, your luscious young man acted out, but Ellen was married to the old toad, Ron Perelman, who publicly humiliated her in 2005 -- slapping her unexpectedly with divorce papers and had armed guards watch while she packed her belongings from their gerzillion dollar townhouse in NYC. Ouch. I don't care how much you get from the settlement (depending on the source, the total payout ranges from $20 million to $60 million) -- but that kind of an indignity's gotta hurt! Ellen was 50 at the time. You're 49 -- a baby!

What does Ellen now say about that marriage? "What the hell was I thinking? Marry a rich guy? Was I crazy? I didn't need that. I was already at the party. I didn't need someone to get me through the door. How could I be so clueless about who I am and what I value? Did I actually think I was going to give up working? It's important for me to work." (Parade magazine, May 13, 2007)

...and is she ever working! And thriving!

Perelman didn't like his wife in the movie biz but liked her plenty as arm candy. She was mostly missing from films through their five years together. However, she got plenty of buzz with her comeback movie, "Ocean's Thirteen," which was offered to her in the later, grimmer stages of her marriage, when she didn't much care what the old man thought... not unlike in "Another Happy Day". She became a regular on Andy Cohen's "Watch What Happens" and is a hilarious (and fellow) Real Housewives junkie. She's fun and displays that side of herself with gusto for Andy's audience. A hoot! Then, she tackled Broadway and made her debut last year, at 56, grabbing the Tony for her riveting performance in "The Normal Heart". At 57, she's just signed on for the pilot season of the much-ballyhooed "Animal Kingdom", with Justin Kirk from "Weeds" and which is being produced by Hangover Part II writer Scot Armstrong. Sizzling! And -- she's presently sleeping with her hot 26-year-old director from "Another Happy Day," Sam Levinson. Never mind about this last part, Demi. You got there first.

But that's some kinda dumped recovery story!

I see you braced for a real second coming, Demi. I don't count that Charlie's Angels 2 stuff you did earlier with your pal, Drew, after your long semi retirement in Idaho. In "Another Happy Day," you tapped into something special. And that film followed some interesting indie choices you were making with 2009's "Happy Tear" and 2010's "The Joneses" -- from megastar to respected Indie actress. Let's get you back on that roll...

Get healthy, Demi. Eat a sandwich. Channel your inner GI-Jane. Look to Ellen as your mentor. Walk away from the indignity, reinvent yourself -- again -- and flourish. We want you and Ellen at the Oscars next year!

Maryjane Fahey is the co-author of DUMPED, a breakup bible for women to get off their asses and over their exes in record time. Fall 2012. Find, tweet, facebook, whatever them.. they're very friendly...

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