Every morning, for 10 months a year, I grab The New York Times and go right to the sports section so I can learn about what Knicks GM Isiah Thomas is doing to ruin my life, and which Giant feels so overworked by Tom Coughlin that they won't try so the coach can be fired. But July and August are the only time of year that I get a respite from my fanaticism, and I take that time to read more about what's going on in the real world.
And so, for July and August, I open the paper and head right to the op-ed pages. And today, after having read the paper, I realize that, more than ever, I need the NFL season to get here already.
What did I see in today's Times that made me yearn for a Monday morning recap of Eli Manning's overthrown passes?
Today, David Brooks in The New York Times wrote about his interview with President Bush. Brooks begins his column by describing a Senate that is in a state of mass depression. Senators are going to lose their jobs next year because they supported this president on Iraq. The Republican Party, of which George Bush is the commander, is falling apart because of the war in Iraq, of which George Bush is the commander.
And yet, George Bush sits on his throne, seemingly without a care in the world. He's a happy guy, always indifferent to what's happening around him. The nation burns, and he reads, My Pet Goat. His colleagues are in despair, and he's pumping iron at the gym. According to Brooks, "Bush clearly loves his presidency." He loves the power and the possibilities.
Why does he love the possibilities of the office? The president tells David Brooks that, "It's more of a theological perspective. I do believe there is an Almighty, and I believe a gift of that Almighty to all is freedom. And I will tell you that is a principle that no one can convince me doesn't exist."
So if you're not free, God will make it so -- that's his gift. And since God isn't going to take care of this little freedom thing directly, it's up to George W to do His work. Thanks, God. Couldn't you have found a better messenger? I thought it really worked out when you picked John Denver -- bring him back and we'd all be better off.
According to Brooks, the president is so happy because, the president says, "I have risen from the bowels of hell and come out tripping and singing and dancing." Or, actually, he didn't say that, that was Paula Abdul. Whatever, they're both nuts.
This op-ed should not have been relegated to the back of The New York Times, next to a column about menstruation. It should have been on the front page. This is news -- huge news, not just here, but around the world. The world fears that Bush takes his policies from his religious views, and now, Bush has finally confirmed it.
Great P.R. for America! I preferred it when we were just known around the world as the country that was home to Jerry Lewis (loved in France), and Lionel Richie (loved in Dubai), and David Hasselhoff (loved in Germany). Can't we just have those three be our spokespeople? Wouldn't the world be a better place if our motto wasn't "Shock and Awe," but instead was, "Enjoy a hot cup of Hoffee!"
So, now that it's official, the whole world hate will hate us, what does it take to get through to George Bush, to get him to see reality? The election, in which his party was trounced, didn't do it. The Iraq Study Group couldn't do it. John Warner and Richard Lugar are powerless to stop the president from destroying himself, his party, and his country.
What can stop him? There is only one answer: his father. This is an epic confrontation that needs to take place, except it's the opposite of Luke Skywalker vs. Darth Vader -- in this case, the father is the hero, and his son is evil.
George Bush needs to take George W. aside. Actually, he needs to grab him by his lapels and throw him up against a wall. He needs to make sure he understands the error of his ways, now, before W. drops a bomb on Tehran, before he decides that we need another surge of troops in Baghdad.
George Bush, the Elder, you have a responsibility to this country. You fought for it in World War II, you spent many years in public service, and now your son has gone off the deep end. You are the only one who can save him, and save us.
I ask you to intervene, before it's too late. According to your son. a gift of the Almighty is freedom. Take his word for it and free us from this crazy president.