Matt Neuman

GEORGE: "Why is this night different from all other nights?" Girls, it says here in the Hagaddah Da-Vida that the youngest should read the four questions.

JENNA: I'm the youngest. And it's Haggadah.

BARBARA: I thought I was the youngest.

LAURA: Why don't you both do it....

Many of you reading this are probably too young to remember a scandal far worse than the current one(s). In fact, there was a time in the not-too-distant past when we, the people, or at least our representatives, found it necessary to impeach the President. That's right. Impeach. It was...

I don't know about you, but a seemingly innocuous provision buried deep in the defense budget bill has me worried, and I haven't seen much of anything about it in the press. Apparently added in the dead of night, it's just a single sentence, but it gave me chills when...

In a recent poll, over 70% say they no longer think 2 + 2 = 5. This is a remarkable turnaround from early 2003, when most people were convinced that 2 + 2 = 5, just as they believed 1 + 1 = 3. Now, hardly anyone thinks 1 +...

A recent column in The New York Times by Nicholas D. Kristof compared our president's situation in Iraq to classics of literature, like Moby-Dick and The Aeneid. This prompted hundreds of suggestions from his readers, who pointed out parallels in everything from the Bible to Dante to Shakespeare to Aeschylus...

This traditional American favorite has been passed down from one generation to the next. To make an absolutely perfect Disaster you'll need the following ingredients:

1 self-righteous President in denial

1 paranoid megalomaniacal Vice President

3 dozen eggheads

Mix ingredients together for approximately one decade....

GEORGE: A toast: to 2007, bringing with it the promise of peace and freedom throughout the world, and maybe a little bit more right here at home.

LAURA: A toast -- to my wonderful husband, the father of my children, the President of the United States, the finest man...

GEORGE: It's time to unwrap our presents.

LAURA: Oh great. Just what I wanted. A smoke alarm. And a box of Nicorette gum. Thanks, Santa-in-law.

GEORGE H.W. BUSH: Let's see, long flat box, very light...well what do you know...a tie. My old school tie, to be exact. A lot of...

GATES: U.S. "CAN'T AFFORD TO FAIL" IN IRAQ

BUT CAN AFFORD ANOTHER $100 BILLION IN NO-BID CONTRACTS

BUSH "IN NO RUSH" TO REVEAL NEW WAR STRATEGY

PRIVATELY COUNTING ON SECOND COMING OF CHRIST

DEMS VOW TO CHANGE "CULTURE OF CORRUPTION"

EXCEPT FOR EARMARKS, PERKS, ETHICS

CORPORATE PROFITS...

In case you hadn't noticed, there's a slew of potential presidential candidates out there, from Hillary Clinton to Barack Obama to Mitt Romney to someone named Vilsack, and each is going to need a catchy slogan. Here are a few suggestions to get the ball rolling:

HIL'S...

Washington -- The White House today announced a delay until sometime in early January before President Bush can unveil his new military strategy in Iraq, because "the dog ate it." Blaming Barney, one of the Bush family pets, an official explained it would take "two to three weeks" to recover...

(Hot on the heels of the Baker-Hamilton Iraq Study Group report comes one hastily commissioned by Vice President Dick Cheney. It contains 80 recommendations. Here are a few of them.)

1. The situation is great and getting better. Stay the course. Ignore the naysayers, they're the same bunch who made...

(Beginning in January, Citizenship and Immigration Services will begin administering the following revised and updated ten-question oral exam to applicants in selected cities around the country.)

1. What was the 39th state?

2. Name the last three Secretaries of the Interior.

3. Explain the infield fly rule.

4. Who...

I almost believe George Bush believed Saddam Hussein had weapons of mass destruction.

I almost believe Dick Cheney believed there was a link between Saddam Hussein and Al Qaeda.

I almost believe Condoleezza Rice believed Iraq possessed an atomic bomb.

I almost believe Colin Powell believed the...

GEORGE: This year, before we begin our dinner, I thought it would be a nice idea if we each took a moment to say what we're thankful for. Think about it, the word "thanks" is part of Thanksgiving. Anyway, let's go around the table.

LAURA: I'm thankful for my...

New York - Publisher Judith Regan announced today an agreement between ReganBooks and Vice President Dick Cheney for a book he will write (with his wife) titled If I Did It: Faking the Case for War, a hypothetical account of how he...

Shock and Awe didn't work, it only led to Maim and Kill. And repeated promises not to Cut and Run. Now we learn James Baker's task force is considering a number of tactical options to suggest to President Bush. Here are just a few, as revealed in a document leaked...