GEORGE: It's time to unwrap our presents.
LAURA: Oh great. Just what I wanted. A smoke alarm. And a box of Nicorette gum. Thanks, Santa-in-law.
GEORGE H.W. BUSH: Let's see, long flat box, very light...well what do you know...a tie. My old school tie, to be exact. A lot of creative thinking went into this one I can see.
BARBARA BUSH: Alberto VO5? Extra strength, yet. Santa's got a sense of humor this year. Or he's getting senile.
BOB: Gosh, Santa couldn't have had much time since my swearing in as Secretary of De-oh, how nice. Handkerchiefs. And they're personally monogrammed, too. But...who's "DHR"?
JENNA: Wait, there must be some mistake, she's the one who had her purse stolen, why am I getting one?
BARBARA: Hey! That's the one that was stolen!
DICK (on video screen): Yes! Yes! Yes! A genuine Red Ryder 200 Shot, Carbine Action Air Rifle!
LYNNE (on video screen): Mine seems to be a gift card...for one hundred dollars at...the Erotic Emporium?
CONDI: Seems like we got the same thing, Lynne. I'll meet you there.
KARL: A lump of coal? Wait, there's a note from Santa. (reading) "Karl, you can trade in your gift for a complete and total you know what if, when the time comes, you fall on your you know what." What does that mean?
GEORGE: Gee, I wonder what Santa got me, the Commander in Chief...the leader of the free world...the man with the most important job on the face of the Earth...oh, here it is. A can of fresh roasted peanuts. Love 'em. Mind if I open -- hey! Snakes! Very funny. The oldest trick and I fell for it. Kinda like Pandora's Box. Well, Merry Christmas.
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