Sex and The City had it wrong. It's not that he's just not that into
you, it's that when he is, you mess it all up. Before you start hating
me, I want to say, it's not me declaring this truth, I am simply the
messenger.
As a man who stares into the eyes of countless
desperate monogamy-seeking women, I can no longer hide the
unadulterated truth that constantly makes a dead sprint to the tip of
my tongue, only to come out with sugar coating of niceties in order to
make the answer palatable. Today, I am delivering the unabridged
hardcore truth about men, monogamy, and what I call MAN-agement.
MAN-agement is the one lesson your mother never taught you. Here it goes.
The very thing that a woman believes will keep her man interested and
devoted, is the very same thing that will make him question, doubt and
ultimately prohibit him from committing to a monogamous relationship. A
beautiful body and a great smile coupled with a genius mind and "porn
star" moves in the bedroom are not enough to keep a man faithful. A
woman's archrival is not the blonde bombshell size 0, with 36 - 24 - 36
measurements and an age equal to her IQ. And, it isn't the high-powered
corporate raven-haired beauty coiffed to the nines, who wants no
commitment from men except for a date in the bedroom. It is something
that all women believe will get and keep her man: familiarity. Or, what
we guys like to call "The Same Old Same Old."
A woman becomes "The Same Old…Same Old" to a guy from two flawed core
beliefs she has. The first is that she can keep him faithful by giving
sex on demand or fulfilling his wildest fantasies in the bedroom early
on in the relationship. The second is that she can initially keep her
guy interested through her love, devotion and care.
Now, let's talk in detail about familiarity. There are two types of
familiarity that men experience from a woman. The first is her behavior
familiarity. This is the way she treats her guy. The amount of
attention she gives him, how independent she is and basically the
overall dynamic between them. The second is sexual familiarity. A
women's body, her shape, her smell, the way she kisses and how she
makes love. These two types of familiarity make up the overall
interpretation that a man has of a women. Sexual familiarity starts
with initial attraction. Initial attraction is the most powerful and
driving force in the beginning stages of a relationship between a man
and a woman. It is the time in a budding relationship when women have
complete power over men. If women were more aware of this short-lived
"mastery" they had over men, then they would leverage this into getting
exactly what they wanted from men, whether that is great sex or a
committed long-term relationship. Women then play into the hand of most
men by allowing themselves to buy into the concept that the more sex
they give him, the more emotionally attached he will become. Which is
quite the contrary. When sex becomes effortless for a man too soon in a
relationship he will automatically lose interest. Women then lose the
initial power of sexual attraction and it morphs into sexual
familiarity, which then becomes a liability.
Women's positions in relationships are weakened by their natural
predisposition and need to equate sex with emotional attachment. When
this happens, they start to become the givers in the relationship. They
start compromising, settling and changing who they are to accommodate
their man in the relationship. The sad thing about this is that men
interpret this as weakness. What women believe will strengthen the bond
between them and the man of their dreams is the very thing that breaks
it. When a man sees emotion, sacrifice and giving from the women he is
currently sleeping with his immediate emotional knee jerk reaction can
be summarized in three words: burden, responsibility and obligation.
This emotional reaction then triggers man's most flawed thought process
have which I like to call "the next best thing syndrome." Instead of
embracing the fact that he has a wonderful woman in love with him that
is willing to do anything in the world for him, he becomes filled with
doubt and questions relating to if there is another woman out there
that might be better than then the current one he is with. He then
looks into his clouded, cracked and warped crystal ball and interprets
everything about the budding relationship in a tragically negative way.
He adds 50-pounds to her appearance, he has flashes of five screaming
kids in the backseat of an SUV and, perhaps the most dreaded thought of
all, Saturday afternoons at Bed, Bath and Beyond picking out useless
utensils to fill his chic, bachelor-friendly domain.
Then, as quickly as an automatic shifts from second to third gear, he
emotionally and physically retreats and then the power pendulum begins
to sway. The woman, caught up in what she perceives to be a natural
next step, senses this and becomes even more accommodating to him and
the relationship. To her, quality time spent together replaces those
nights of dancing till dawn, spontaneous sex in the bathroom and
lingerie that would make Jenna Jamison blush. So, he pulls away and she
panics, eventually driving the stake into the heart of the relationship
by asking the "final four": "Where is this going?"
Men and women have a very different process of "falling in love." Women
initially fall in love through their hearts; men first fall in love
through their...well, just take a wild guess. The key here is for women
to understand that the way to a man's heart initially is through his
groin and any and all emotional attachment urges need to be displayed
through rationed, incredible sexual episodes. Yes I said it, show him
how you feel through great sex, not words or relationship expectations.
All men need to be is MANaged for the first six months of any
relationship. Some of you might call it game playing or deceitful, but
the simple fact is that most men are driven on sexual impulse and
emotional fragility. Meaning that their initial intention with any
women is to first have sex and then run from any emotional attachment.
So, I have devised a foolproof plan that gives you the control over the
relationship by simply never allowing you to become the victim of
"FAMILIARITY" or be labeled as that "Same Old, Same Old Girl."
My 10 Step MAN-agement Plan:
1. Make sure he knows when he first asks you out that you are "dating"
and you would be more than happy to "throw him into the rotation."
2. Wait at least 12 dates or 8 weeks before you sleep with him.
3. Make sure that you always tell yourself that no matter how much you
start to like him, trust him or want to give him your heart, he,
as a man, can't handle the combination of sex and emotion together. He
will become emotionally attached to you during the time in between the
great sex you give him.
4. Live in the current moment with him. Don't worry about, talk about or ask about tomorrow.
5. Only spend one weekend night with him. Make sure he knows you have plans with your girlfriends the other night.
6. Never answer his calls when you are out for the evening with others.
7. For the first three months after you begin sleeping together, always
head out in the morning after you've had your fun. Do not spend the
next day with him.
8. When he does something that you don't like, pull away, don't
complain, withdraw and spend time alone or with your friends. This
gives him the opportunity to ask you what the problem might be. Actions
are more powerful than words to a guy.
9. Never ever bring up commitment. Men can't handle it when a woman
does this. In order for the relationship to be successful, the guy has
to be the one to ask for a monogamous relationship.
10. Don't ever change who you are or the way in which you live your
life in order to make a relationship work. He won't appreciate it, he
will just take advantage of it.