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Matthew Bailey
Born in a dirty London neighborhood 30 years ago. Moved to the land of the free forever, on January 1, 2007. Alderman Moreno’s Press Secretary guy...MEGA-like this town (Chicago), especially the accent. On a journey to become True-Chicago.

Entries by Matthew Bailey

Chicago, I'm Breaking Up With You; Before You Break Me

(4) Comments | Posted April 28, 2014 | 4:02 PM

I bought a ticket to the world
But now I've come back again
Why do I find it hard to write the next line?
Oh, I want the truth to be said
I know this much is true
-- Spandau Ballet

Dear Chicago,

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Nostalgia Is Dumb and BIG

(0) Comments | Posted February 5, 2014 | 11:10 AM

I recently uncovered a bunch of old pictures. Being a dependably average product of the 21st century, they were quickly uploaded to Facebook. Over the last few days these pictures have triggered erratic and strange feelings inside my tummy -- what they commonly refer to as nostalgia.


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I Adopted a Black Kid and I'm Not Black -- So?

(0) Comments | Posted November 8, 2013 | 11:34 AM

Four months ago, after three long-ass years of waiting, I adopted a nice little half-black, half-Polish boy called Cameron. Despite the near-constant crying, I fell in love with this little shitter about two minutes after meeting him. Now, four months into my second go-around at daddy-hood, thoughts about him being...

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Free Born Man of the USA: The Queen Is Dead

(1) Comments | Posted September 16, 2013 | 12:04 PM

Six days before my 31st birthday, I raised my masturbating hand and officially became a member of Team America. As the end of a seven year immigration journey of bureaucratic nonsense and fingerprinting, it was nowhere near as profound as perhaps it should have been.

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The Great Chicago 50 Wards -- 50 Bars Project: The 2nd Ward

(0) Comments | Posted May 7, 2013 | 12:04 PM

Bob Fioretti got fucked on the remap. One hundred percent of the previous 2nd Ward is not included in the new 2nd Ward, which resembles a plate of under-cooked spaghetti puked over a map of the Tokyo subway. This 100 percent new stuff has certainly put him and...

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The Great Chicago 50 Wards -- 50 Bars Project: The 1st Ward

(0) Comments | Posted April 24, 2013 | 1:21 PM

"When I'm going out to drink, I look for bars with a sense of camaraderie centered on music, either live or a good jukebox or iPod. Personally, I think the less TVs the better." -- 1st Ward Alderman (and lovely boss) Proco Joe Moreno.

The 1st Ward has a...

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The Great Chicago 50 Ward-50 Bar Project

(3) Comments | Posted April 4, 2013 | 11:44 AM

Chicago is a city of neighborhoods, is what they always say. I tepidly agree with this sentiment, but after six boozey years here, I have yet to visit most of these neighborhoods, mainly because of fear (my bulletproof vest is on my Christmas wish list), and a low tolerance for...

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40 Percent Gay and Indifferent

(0) Comments | Posted March 20, 2013 | 9:08 PM

Around the time when MySpace was appropriate and I thought George Bush was the devil (2003/4), I recall taking a "gay test" somewhere on the WWW. Alas, like much in my poisoned intellect, I can't recall the particulars other than the result; a substantial "gay score" of 40 percent.

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The New Minority: From My Cold Dead Nicotine-Stained Hands

(14) Comments | Posted March 1, 2013 | 1:29 PM

I expect everyone has a dash of libertarianism inside themselves somewhere, buried deep in there, just waiting to be tickled by some do-gooder, nanny-state "Policy Director" somewhere. A fierce and ugly fire of libertarianism ignites within my loose body every time I hear about another increase in the price of...

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A Tale of Two Cities -- in One City

(14) Comments | Posted February 1, 2013 | 4:17 PM

Chicago is constantly used by both sides in the ongoing and pathetically small-ranging gun debate going on nationally. We are a city weighed down by violence and the black half of our city is sinking. The murder of the appealing and innocent 15 year old, Hadiya Pendleton, (the...

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Thirteen Days in One of the Poorest Countries on Earth

(0) Comments | Posted January 2, 2013 | 1:35 PM

Being born in England, and later immigrating to America, I've always considered myself to be quite a lucky bastard. The two weeks I just spent in one of the most pretty but miserably poor places in the world has solidified my sense of winning the birth lottery, and may have...

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