iOS app Android app

Matthew Bailey
GET UPDATES FROM Matthew Bailey
 
Born in a dirty London neighborhood 30 years ago. Moved to the land of the free forever, on January 1, 2007. Alderman Moreno’s Press Secretary guy...MEGA-like this town (Chicago), especially the accent. On a journey to become True-Chicago.

Entries by Matthew Bailey

Chicago, I'm Breaking Up With You; Before You Break Me

(4) Comments | Posted April 28, 2014 | 4:02 PM

I bought a ticket to the world
But now I've come back again
Why do I find it hard to write the next line?
Oh, I want the truth to be said
I know this much is true
-- Spandau Ballet

Dear Chicago,

Read Post

Nostalgia Is Dumb and BIG

(0) Comments | Posted February 5, 2014 | 11:10 AM

I recently uncovered a bunch of old pictures. Being a dependably average product of the 21st century, they were quickly uploaded to Facebook. Over the last few days these pictures have triggered erratic and strange feelings inside my tummy -- what they commonly refer to as nostalgia.

Sociologist

Read Post

I Adopted a Black Kid and I'm Not Black -- So?

(0) Comments | Posted November 8, 2013 | 11:34 AM

Four months ago, after three long-ass years of waiting, I adopted a nice little half-black, half-Polish boy called Cameron. Despite the near-constant crying, I fell in love with this little shitter about two minutes after meeting him. Now, four months into my second go-around at daddy-hood, thoughts about him being...

Read Post

Free Born Man of the USA: The Queen Is Dead

(1) Comments | Posted September 16, 2013 | 12:04 PM

Six days before my 31st birthday, I raised my masturbating hand and officially became a member of Team America. As the end of a seven year immigration journey of bureaucratic nonsense and fingerprinting, it was nowhere near as profound as perhaps it should have been.

Read Post

The Great Chicago 50 Wards -- 50 Bars Project: The 2nd Ward

(0) Comments | Posted May 7, 2013 | 12:04 PM

Bob Fioretti got fucked on the remap. One hundred percent of the previous 2nd Ward is not included in the new 2nd Ward, which resembles a plate of under-cooked spaghetti puked over a map of the Tokyo subway. This 100 percent new stuff has certainly put him and...

Read Post

The Great Chicago 50 Wards -- 50 Bars Project: The 1st Ward

(0) Comments | Posted April 24, 2013 | 1:21 PM

"When I'm going out to drink, I look for bars with a sense of camaraderie centered on music, either live or a good jukebox or iPod. Personally, I think the less TVs the better." -- 1st Ward Alderman (and lovely boss) Proco Joe Moreno.

The 1st Ward has a...

Read Post

The Great Chicago 50 Ward-50 Bar Project

(3) Comments | Posted April 4, 2013 | 11:44 AM

Chicago is a city of neighborhoods, is what they always say. I tepidly agree with this sentiment, but after six boozey years here, I have yet to visit most of these neighborhoods, mainly because of fear (my bulletproof vest is on my Christmas wish list), and a low tolerance for...

Read Post

40 Percent Gay and Indifferent

(0) Comments | Posted March 20, 2013 | 9:08 PM

Around the time when MySpace was appropriate and I thought George Bush was the devil (2003/4), I recall taking a "gay test" somewhere on the WWW. Alas, like much in my poisoned intellect, I can't recall the particulars other than the result; a substantial "gay score" of 40 percent.

...
Read Post

The New Minority: From My Cold Dead Nicotine-Stained Hands

(14) Comments | Posted March 1, 2013 | 1:29 PM

I expect everyone has a dash of libertarianism inside themselves somewhere, buried deep in there, just waiting to be tickled by some do-gooder, nanny-state "Policy Director" somewhere. A fierce and ugly fire of libertarianism ignites within my loose body every time I hear about another increase in the price of...

Read Post

A Tale of Two Cities -- in One City

(14) Comments | Posted February 1, 2013 | 4:17 PM

Chicago is constantly used by both sides in the ongoing and pathetically small-ranging gun debate going on nationally. We are a city weighed down by violence and the black half of our city is sinking. The murder of the appealing and innocent 15 year old, Hadiya Pendleton, (the...

Read Post

Thirteen Days in One of the Poorest Countries on Earth

(0) Comments | Posted January 2, 2013 | 1:35 PM

Being born in England, and later immigrating to America, I've always considered myself to be quite a lucky bastard. The two weeks I just spent in one of the most pretty but miserably poor places in the world has solidified my sense of winning the birth lottery, and may have...

Read Post