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Matthew Filipowicz

Matthew Filipowicz

Posted: June 5, 2009 07:30 PM

Exclusive Footage Of Glenn Beck's Common Sense Comedy Show


Well ladies and gentlemen, last night I, along with a few friends, decided to do the unthinkable. We went to simulcast of Glenn Beck's Common Sense Comedy Tour. And let me tell you, it was amazing!

But, why should I tell you, when I could show you? See, I snuck in my camcorder and am now proud to present a bootleg copy of Glenn Beck's hysterical "stand up" routine. If Glenn looks a little funny, it's just the tape.

Alright, that wasn't actual footage. But, I did actually go, those were actual topics of Glenn's "comedy," and Glenn did come out dressed as a Founding Father in act two. Don't believe me? Here's my ticket stub.

stub

There were about 20 people in the Chicago theater. My friends and I were the only non-believers. I secretly was hoping they would all rise at one point, turn to us like the pod people in Invasion of the Body Snatchers and yell "We Surround Them!!!" But, they didn't.

I actually live-blogged the event on Twitter, so I thought I'd post some of the "highlights." I corrected some typos and added some quotation marks, but here is Glenn's "comedy" as it unfolded.

Opened with a joke about Whoopi Goldberg stabbing a man. about 16 hours ago from txt


Making fun of public schools. Haw haw. about 16 hours ago from txt

Making fun of Henry Waxman's looks. about 16 hours ago from txt

He's very sweaty. about 16 hours ago from txt

Keeps wiping his sweat with a tshirt. about 16 hours ago from txt

He has a band aid peeling off his neck. about 16 hours ago from txt

Nothing like seeing his pores on the big screen. about 16 hours ago from txt

Made a joke about killing Big Bird. about 16 hours ago from txt

Saw one minority in audience. about 16 hours ago from txt

He's almost crying. about 16 hours ago from txt

Keeps doing Marvin the Martian or Larry the Cable Guy voices. about 16 hours ago from txt

According to Glenn, his wife has the voice of shrew. about 16 hours ago from txt

Just made a pedophilia joke about a kid writing with her own blood. about 16 hours ago from txt

Lots of people in audience have matching yellow shirts. about 16 hours ago from txt

Oh, they have the snake on them. about 16 hours ago from txt

Ok. Act two. Glenn's says he's coming out in costume. Hoping for a giant teabag. about 15 hours ago from txt

Nope. Its a founding father's outfit. Kind of disappointed. about 14 hours ago from txt

Opened 2nd act saying "give me liberty or give me jelly donut". about 14 hours ago from txt

George Washington wooden teeth joke? Check. about 14 hours ago from txt

Getting close to crying again. about 14 hours ago from txt

The pedophile kid was named Sally Mukenfuch. Forgot that earlier. He did a call back. about 14 hours ago from txt

Some guy in audience yelled "revolution!!" about 14 hours ago from txt

Uh oh. He's bringing audience members on stage. about 14 hours ago from txt

Fat dude in Iowa shirt is "England". Preppy dork is "revolutionary". Cute woman is "freedom". about 14 hours ago from txt

Beck said "progessivism". Audience booed and hissed. about 14 hours ago from txt

Made a "Whoopi stabbing" call back. This time stabbing Woodrow Wilson. about 14 hours ago from txt

He just did a little dance. about 14 hours ago from txt

He's running out of energy. about 14 hours ago from txt

His manic depressive side is starting to show. about 14 hours ago from txt

He's hawking his new book. No shit. about 13 hours ago from txt

Telling people buy copies and give them to friends. about 13 hours ago from txt

Looks like he's about to cry again. about 13 hours ago from txt

He's yelling now about McDonald's and air conditioners. about 13 hours ago from txt

Glenn says "I don't sleep very much". about 13 hours ago from txt

Almost cried talking about how people don't listen to him. about 13 hours ago from txt

Glenn just grabbed his penis through his pantaloons. about 13 hours ago from txt

About to cry again. Ah. No. Now he's yelling. about 13 hours ago from txt

Glenn said, not joking, "it takes a village". Some in audience groaned instinctively. about 13 hours ago from txt

Closes with the line... "Don't eat the tater tots! Thank you, good night!" about 13 hours ago from txt

Well, there you have it. Glenn Beck's "comedy" in a nutshell. Later that night Glenn tweeted:

Just got word we may have set a ticket sales record. Makes me happy that bloggers had to pay to make fun of me. :)about 20 hours ago from TwitterFon

I replied to him that it was worth every penny.

2009-06-05-glennbeckcomedy.jpg

Feel free to follow me on Twitter if you're someone who does that sort of thing.