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Matthew Weiner

Matthew Weiner

Posted March 2, 2009 | 11:09 PM (EST)

Domestic Violence, Islam, and the Unexpected Response


As we should know by now, domestic violence is a crime that afflicts all communities, be them rich or poor, black or white, and regardless of their faith background. Still, the Muslim community in America suffers disproportionately. Or so many Muslims in New York believe. If a Jew or Christian commits domestic violence, will the media report it as a religious act? And this is one reason why, when domestic violence occurs between Muslims, there is increasingly strong condemnation by their leadership.

The most recent example is the tragic death of Aasiya Zubair Hassan of Orchard Park, who was apparently beheaded by her husband. The high profile Muslim couple co-founded Bridges TV, a channel dedicated to promoting a positive public face of Islam.

The response was immediate. Of course Muslim women activists such as Robina Niaz of Turning Point for Women and Families and the organization Peaceful Families Project condemned the murder, and continue their cutting edge work.

But others, from less expected quarters, were already in action.

Shaykh T.A. Bashir, the founder of House of Peace advocated for Imams to dedicate their Friday Sermon, Khutpa to this issue. Shaykh Bashir is a tall, strong, and at times very vocal African American Muslim. His specialty is educating Imams about the danger of domestic violence. He counsels them man to man and Muslim to Muslim in a way that, let's face it, most women activists are unable to do.

As Sally MacNichol of CONNECT, a domestic violence organization that partners with House of Peace put it, "Bashir works within the Muslim communities in ways that we can't. It's amazing to see the quiet effect of his persistence over time. God bless him."

Shaykh Bashir's call was heeded by many. Imam Sulaimane Konate of Masjid Al-Aqsa (an African Mosque), spoke about the importance of treating one's wife properly. Khonate deals with as many as twenty incidents a week, and is closely counseled by Shaykhh Bashir.

Imam Shamsi Ali, an Indonesian Muslim who represents both the Islamic Cultural Center, and the Jamaica Muslim Center, in Queens (a primarily South Asian mosque) argued that domestic violence is a community problem, not a private issue. "It is related to everyone. That is why we have to talk about it." He also clarified several Hadith, or sayings of the prophet, that are often misinterpreted to hide domestic violence. "There is a saying of the Prophet... where he says to keep family life secrete. But he didn't mean abuses. Abuses must be reported."

Imam Talib Abdur-Rashid had already planned a Khutba on domestic violence when he heard that others were engaged. "We've been doing this for years." He said, about his work as the senior Imam at the Mosque of Islamic Brotherhood. "Every Friday we speak about social and spiritual issues. Sometimes it's poverty, sometimes it's Gaza, sometimes it's violence in the family."

Imam Talib is acutely aware of how the domestic violence perpetrated by Muslims makes Islam look bad- even though it is against Islamic law. "How are we going to spread the word about our community and work, if we let these things happen?" he asked his community. "Domestic violence is a sin." He says. "The Prophet... spoke about this in his last sermon."

After Imam Talib's Khutba, several people sought referrals.

"Domestic violence is an illness," said Abdus-Salaam Musa, a long time partner of Shykh Bashir. "It seems like a private affair, but it affects our community and then the rest of the community." Musa personally contacted Muslim chaplains throughout the New York prison system, to "help brothers understand for when they came out."

Shaykh Bashir concurs. He does not think domestic violence is more of a problem in his community than in others, yet Muslims have been under unique strain. "Ever since 9/11 the problems of family violence get neglected."

2009-03-03-Untitled1.pngSally MacNicol of CONNECT met Shaykh Bashir years ago, and has worked closely with him ever since. Bashir has attended almost every course at CONNECT's training institute. His chosen strategy can be treacherous. He works with men who have abused their intimate partners, and for many specialists this is an anathema. He also works with Imams, who are often ill equipped to deal with this problem.

Indeed, when the Interfaith Center of New York held its biannual Marshal Meyer Retreat on domestic violence, in which eighty religious leaders and secular activists met, tensions were evident. Leaders see it as their job to teach the faith, protect individuals from harm, keep families and community together, and promote a good image of their community. Navigation is precarious.

Why else are Imams so important? MacNicol explains. "CONNECT's community research shows that a majority of women dealing with abusive partners prefer to seek help from family, friends, and particularly their religious leader. They are not going to seek traditional DV services, and who (in these communities) wants to go to the police?"

Shaykh Bashir grew up in Brownsville, Brooklyn. After a stint in Vietnam as a sharpshooter, he returned home to study psychology. From the beginning he knew that violence was the result of systemic social problems. Domestic violence was both a result and cause of much of it. But where were men who could work with the male proponents of this vicious cycle? He has become his own answer.

"He's a bit of alone ranger out there," MacNicol says. "But he never lets (domestic violence) drop off the radar screen. He works with many Imams. He respects and understands them."

Indeed Shaykh Bashir is in many ways conservative and religious by western liberal standards. MacNicol herself is a feminist liberation theologian. She is unabashedly radical and progressive. "We don't agree on everything." She continues. "But he is vital for our work. He does not let the leaders off the hook."

Matthew Weiner is the program director at the Interfaith Center of New York. He is writing a book about interfaith and civil society.

 
 
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03:26 PM on 03/03/2009
By the way, there are more beheading in the 'Christian' nation of Mexico in a year than there are in the entire Muslim world. I would venture to say there are more beheadings in Mexico in a single year than the entire world excluding Iraq over the past 4 years.
05:47 AM on 03/05/2009
Of course we all know that Islam is the peaceful religion...why do you waste cyberspace stating the obvious?
11:10 AM on 03/03/2009
The be-heading was in AMERICA!! In the Arab countries, MUSLIM women are often killed because their culture calls them crimes of shame!! Why are you making this seem like the Muslims are better than Jews and Christians regarding domestic problems....when they ARE NOT!???? JUST THE OPPOSITE IS TRUE!!
11:17 AM on 03/03/2009
Maybe I missed it ...but Shahira laws are NOT followed in America...are they,MATT??
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HUFFPOST COMMUNITY MODERATOR
SusanStoHelit
03:23 PM on 03/03/2009
I've seen no stats on which group is better or worse. We always love to hear about the dramatic crimes elsewhere - but you can point to a huge number of American women killed by their husband - does it matter if the husband uses an excuse like "honor killing", or merely says they didn't want to pay alimony?

The Koran is actually good on women. However, the cultures that many Islamic countries had before Islam are quite primitive. You can't blame Islam for a problem that was around before they arrived, that applies to all people of that culture no matter what religion they end up taking up.

You can find plenty of 'gems' in the Bible, and in the words of varying Priests, Bishops, etc. as well, by the way, that would make Christianity look as bad or worse.
10:31 AM on 03/03/2009
The problem with religion is not that people misinterpret the Bible and the Koran, it is that the holy books themselves justify horrible behavior.
However, All of the Jews and Christians have no place to criticize the Muslims because the bible is just as immoral towards women, that's where the authors of the Koran got their ideas
10:48 AM on 03/03/2009
"that's where the authors of the Koran got their ideas."
The issue is not which book had what. All three religious traditions of the "Book" have pretty lame and oppressive ideas.
The main problem: MODERN Islam is high regressive. Beheading, stoning and other forms medieval justice are practiced, condoned and encouraged via literal interpretation of the religious texts Today.
09:49 AM on 03/03/2009
So was it or was it not a murder with religious beliefs as an influencing factor? I pretty sure Sura 4 states that a man may punish his wife by beating her, am I wrong?
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HUFFPOST SUPER USER
FilthyHarry
Expletive Deleted
08:43 AM on 03/03/2009
Regardless of the beliefs of the people involved, I don't know that I'd include beheading as a form of domestic violence. Though perhaps I'm old-fashioned, isn't it just murder?
09:03 AM on 03/03/2009
That's a good point.
03:46 AM on 03/03/2009
Here are some gems form a respected Syrian scholar, Dr. Muhammad Ali al-Hashimi:

"The true Muslim woman is always obedient to her husband
The true Muslim woman... knows her husband's rights over her, and how great they are, as was confirmed by the Prophet's words:
"No human being is permitted to prostrate to another, but if this were permitted I would
have ordered wives to prostrate to their husbands, because of the greatness of the rights
they have over them
The angels' curse will befall every woman who is rebellious and disobedient; this does not exclude
those who are too slow and reluctant to respond to their husbands [wishes]
http://www.kalamullah.com/Books/The%20Ideal%20Muslimah.pdf
01:36 AM on 03/03/2009
Mr. Weiner,
Thanks so much for writing such a fair and even-handed article about Muslims in America. It's almost a shock to see an article that honestly portrays problems in the Muslim community without demonizing us in the process. There is a famous saying of Prophet Muhammad, upon whom be peace: "The strong man is not the one who defeats others at wrestling, but the one who controls his anger." Muslim men need to keep that saying foremost in their minds.
11:20 AM on 03/03/2009
tell that to hamas!!!
12:58 AM on 03/03/2009
Muslims have a long way to go before they realize that women have rights. They need to learn that you do not stone women to death for adultery. They need to learn that it is a woman's right to have an abortion. They need to learn that a woman can have sex at any time with anybody they damn well please. They have a long way to go. As a liberal American I do not want any more conservative ideas being imported here from weird places. We have enough trouble with our Christian cults that are big time heavy duty against women's rights.
02:47 AM on 03/03/2009
"As a liberal American I do not want any more conservative ideas being imported here from weird places."

Well, when you export the glamorous commercial value of the anorexic supermodel as a pathetic excuse for feminine beauty then its only fair that you find your-self on the receiving end of some ugly conservative eastern cultural practices.
08:32 AM on 03/03/2009
Wait a minute--are you saying that America's (admittedly) messed up view of women CAUSES so-called honor killings?
06:58 AM on 03/03/2009
I'm not a Muslim, and certainly don't purport to speak on their behalf, but surely you can see that lumping all Muslims in together (as if all people of any faith all think the same way and do the same things), and seeing the actions of an individual as representative of all is myopic, counterproductive and downright xenophobic. There are plenty of Muslim men who respect women and would never hit their wives. Domestic violence - and misogyny in general - exists in many societies, unfortunately. Comments such as yours do not serve to resolve this.
10:28 AM on 03/03/2009
It doesn't matter if not all religious followers follow the extreme. As long as religion continues to exist anyone who wants permission to carry out these horrible acts will always, I repeat ALWAYS, be able to find justification for thier actions.

Always.

It's the poison pill, and we need to never let it take root in Amer4ica. And we need extrmeme measures to get the horror that has already taken root, (christianity and Judism) out of America.

We will never be free until all religion is gone.