At personal level forgiveness is always possible, and one should always forgive. Although many claim that one has no right to forgive harm that has been done to others, one must consider forgiving in terms of the well-being of society. Society does not need the kind of forgiving that goes with an endorsement of the evil that has been done to others or a lack of concern for the victims. That would leave the door open for the same horrors to happen again. Society needs forgiveness so that hatred is not perpetuated. Forgiveness means breaking the cycle of hatred.
Just as an individual can fall prey to hatred, so can a whole society. Yet hatred can disappear from people's minds. A stream can become polluted and poisonous, yet it can be purified again. Human beings can change, and if someone has truly changed, forgiveness is not indulgence toward his past deeds but an acknowledgment of what he has become. Thus, forgiveness is intimately linked with the possibility of human transformation.
From a Buddhist point of view, the basic goodness of a human being remains deep within, even if he or she deviates into a very malevolent person. The simile given is that of a piece of gold that remains unchanged even when buried in filth. There is always a possibility of cleansing the filth. This does not amount to ignoring the base quality of the filth but to knowing that it can be removed and that the gold within it can shine again.
By asking forgiveness, the criminal cannot hope to escape the consequences of his deeds, the gravity of his actions or the atrocity of his crime. Having realized the depth of his crime, his main efforts should be to try, humbly but to the full extent of his abilities, to create a counteracting goodness for the wrong he has done.
Society has a duty to protect people from being harmed, but has no right to exact revenge. Whether it is murder or legal execution, any killing is simply wrong. Neutralizing and preventing harm does not require vengeance and retaliation.
To react instantly with anger and violence when harm has been inflicted is sometimes considered brave and courageous. But in truth those who remain free from hatred display much greater courage. An American couple went to South Africa to attend the trial of five teenagers who had savagely and gratuitously killed their daughter in the street. They looked the murderers in the eyes and told them: "We do not want to do to you what you did to our daughter." These were not insensitive parents. They simply saw the pointlessness of perpetuating hatred.
Altruistic love is the ultimate weapon against hatred. A human being is not basically bad, but can easily become so. Our real enemy is therefore not the person who has fallen prey to hatred but hatred itself. There cannot be outer disarmament without inner disarmament. Each and everyone must change, and this process begins with oneself.
In short, contemplating the horror of other's crimes should enhance in one's own mind a boundless love and compassion for all beings, rather than hatred of a few.
WATCH:
Matthieu Ricard is a Buddhist monk who went from a scientific career as a molecular biologist in France to the study of Buddhism in the Himalayas 40 years ago. He has been the French interpreter for the Dalai Lama since 1989. Matthieu donates all proceeds from his work and much of his time to 30 humanitarian projects in Asia through Karuna-Shechen. You may learn more about him on his website, MatthieuRicard.org.
Bernie Glassman: The Buddhist Way of Being Present to Suffering
Forgiveness breeds kindness, and in the end leads to love of human kind in general.
A character trait I value most in people, a sure sign of strength and spiritual maturity.
She suggested when someone commits a"Traffic offense" against you.What if , as you pull up alongside them to 'get even' , just imagine that this person is your mother or some loved one. "Oh no It's my sister lost and confused cut me off" You could not be mad at her . You couldn't give her the #ONE salute . Ask yourself WHY? Same offense but now it's someone we love. Why am I not mad at "Sis"?
I tried this and it really works.My "sisters and aunts" have allmost killed me all over Tallahassee and I just smile and let it go. " OK 'Sis' pull on out there no problem".
It occured to me later that the Teacher had taught us something without really lecturing or sermonizing.
We had learned that If we look inside ourselves we can find 'something' good, worthy of love and understanding and forgiveness even in a person we don't know. Oh well she's 'someone's' Sister so OK. This can be expanded to 'Bigger" crimes against you.
Give it a try, you may get to work/home in a better mood.
Besides "Your Old Grampa" pulling out in front of you may be me.
what must we understand?
we must come to understand that at the very core level within each and every soul is innocence.
ie the spirit within.
ignorance is always the culprit always. the origin of that ignorance is our innocence.
most say they forgive but that only sounds good to the ego.
the ego likes to give itself credit for its ability to forgive. ie nice thing to say. ie look at me I forgive that person that harmed me aint I something special.
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Thank you for posting.
Forgiveness is the right thing, it is the "way of humility" which gives one a pleasant personality .
Much of the "bad stuff" like anger, hate and harm strengthen the flesh and weaken the spirit, while things like sharing, caring and tranquility build-up the spirit.
There may be a time in a Bullies life that "spiritual awakening" occurs that releases them from being controlled, and on a path of spiritual growth, it is possible, just not in the ability of the oppressed to be the change agent. Everyone in their own time.
Government rules we live under have punishment for violation that is separate from a person's transforming character. It is possible for citizen-voters to change established laws and make them more forgiving (forclosures come to mind now, civil rights some 40 days and 40 nights ago) so it starts with individuals, such a shame few find the narrow path. Wide is the way that leads to Digital, Plasma, Hi Def, Blue Ray, 3D, wide screen abyss.
If you're waiting for a sociopath to be repentant you'll either wait a long time, or you'll receive an insincere apology and show of remorse meant to make you think they're repentant. Sociopaths are skilled at that kind of manipulation and will often exhibit a cycle of harmful behavior followed by remorse.
In any case, it really shouldn't matter what the other person does. Healing is a personal cleansing process that has to do with you and no one else. To require the other to be a part of the process is, to my way of thinking, an ego demanding to be in control. If you put those kind of requirements into the equation you'll rarely heal anything.
To forgive requires TRUE compassion. It is a healing of the physical and of the spiritual. It is Love in it's purest form. It is without a doubt, the meaning of sacrifice. Seek compassion, you will find forgiveness. Find forgiveness, you will know sacrifice. Know sacrifice, you will know peace.
It is okay to let go. . .
I will agree that some individuals do feel remorse for their actions. The trouble is with the system, the penal system and judges. If we execute these monsters more mothers, sisters, brothers and friends will nor be harmed. If we build prisons that house them in a way they can never escape, perhaps, but these monsters kill in prison too.
A good walker leaves no tracks
A good speaker makes no slips
A good reckoner needs no tally
A good door needs no locks
Yet no one can open it.
Good bindings require no locks
Yet no one can loosen it
Therefore the sage takes care of all men
And abandons no one
He takes care of all things
And abandons nothing,
This is called "following the light"
What is a good man?
A teacher of bad men.
What is a bad man?
A good man's charge.
If the teacher is not respected
And the student not cared for
Confusion will arise, however clever one is.
This is the crux of mystery.
What is a bad man?
A good mans charge.
Good bindings require no knots