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Your Guide to Having a One-Night Stand at SxSW

03/16/2015 03:21 pm ET | Updated May 15, 2015

It's that time of year again. The magical period where all the people who use expressions like "real-time," "disrupt" and "programmatic" swarm to Austin for SxSW. They go saying that they are looking for "the next big thing." That they are hunting for "new business opportunities" and "future-forward trends."

But at Mistress, we know what they are really going for. Casual sex. Well to be fair, free cocktails and sex. Hot, steamy sex with semi-strangers in a shared Airbnb house full of all your co-workers. Sex where the only real connection you risk having is on LinkedIn.

Don't worry. We're not judging -- we just want to make sure you are strategically set up for success.

We have created this handy-dandy guide to having a one-night stand at SxSW. It's real easy to use. We've matched different types of conference attendees to actual SxSW sessions they'll be attending, so that all you have to do is brush off your hangover and show up.

See you there!

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A version of this article originally appeared on Bustle. Thoughts were collected by all of Mistress. Illustrations by Anna Beck. XOXO.

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