Where Is My Martin Luther Queen?

It was Gay Pride this past weekend in Los Angeles. Traffic was terrible. My husband and I sat in gridlock on Sunset Boulevard. We were bringing our daughters to music class just like we do every Sunday. It's a class designed to teach the girls how to appreciate musical sounds, play crude instruments and sing simple songs with other little people. When I say little people I don't want you to get the impression that they're taking a music class with Peter Dinklage and Linda Hunt. I mean, little people in the old-fashioned way... you know, babies. Can you imagine, they're nine months old and we take them to a music class. They still think my eyeball is a toy. So music class is really a place where you watch your kids shove plastic clackers in their mouths, lick the carpet and shit in their diaper if the songs with drum beats have to much bass in them. It's more of a mucus class than anything -- but we go because that's what you do, right?

Stuck in our car, with our sweet babies sleeping, we watched hundreds of gay men migrate towards the hub of the Pride parade. It's at the corner of Santa Monica Boulevard and San Vincente in West Hollywood. I was surprised by how few lesbians we saw, but I think they arrive earlier so they can deal with parking and possible crowd issues.

From the car, I noticed gay men are working a new look this season. It's the Adam Lambert. Some really go for it with the blue hair tint and the black nail polish. But overall, most gays stick to the look that has always served them well. You know it:

--Be young (even if you're not).

--Be a size 2.

--Messy hair (that takes an hour to do).

--An over-washed thermal shirt that shows belly skin when you wave.

--Incorporate leather string somewhere:
a. around the neck with a bead
b. wrapped a dozen times around the wrist
c. a simple anklet...also with a bead
d. all of the above

-- Work a good butt in good jeans you stole from your sister.

This look is called the Kris Allen.

Anyhoo, when we were planning our weekend, I thought it might be a cool idea to take the kids to Gay Pride after music class. I could just see us putting them in Baby Bjorns and walking amongst our people and really being a part of it. But as I sat in my car, watching from the periphery, I started to worry. Were these my people? I used to get comforting goose bumps at Gay Pride parades. I am a part of something. These sexual outlaws and gender pioneers are my brothers and sisters and we are part of a community. But for the first time, I felt like an outsider.

Dykes on bikes, Tarzana Trannies, Jewish Leather Daddies and Kathy Griffin's mom. Don't get me wrong. I love these people. Let's call them the "Usual Suspects." They fought for my rights and taught me how to dance. But they should no longer be representing "the pride." It's a different time. For god's sake, Larry Craig is a life-long homosexual. What I'm trying to say is that "unremarkable" mainstream people are gay, too. So I cringe when a local newsperson shoves a microphone in the face of some young 95-pound twink (Straight Translation: a twink is a skinny homosexual with a lot of moxie). The twink looks into the camera and screams into the reporter's microphone: "Get down here now. The drinks are big. But you know what's bigger..." He laughs in a high-pitched cackle and his "girlfriends" join in. I wish they'd read more and drink less.

I'm depressed. Why is this the voice speaking for me?

I know there were many types of interesting, smart people on the parade route showing their support. But guess what, guys and gals? None of you have a loud enough, strong enough or powerful enough voice to be heard over the thumping techno backbeat of the big gay parade. This is a huge problem. Sad, but true. The mainstream media still has no better choice but to showcase the extremes of gay life. I mean, imagine if we used the Mardi Gras as the singular way we'd depict straight folk. The public would be lead to believe that all men wear jock straps on their heads and all women like to do is show us their tits.

So you understand my pain when I see one of the "usual suspects" on the news?
Is he supposed to be my leader?
He's not my leader!
Where is my leader?!
Why doesn't the gay world have a leader?
Where is my Jesse Jackson?
Where is my Martin Luther King?
Where is my Barack Obama?
Wait! Him! Why not him? Why isn't this modern man speaking up for me and protecting my civil rights?

Something is very wrong here. I guess it would be nice to have a leader for the gay movement. But he or she has not presented him or herself. So why not kill two birds with one stone? Let's hire Barack Obama. I want Barack to be my leader, just like he is for all Americans. Maybe I don't need a separate leader. Maybe I don't need a separate anything anymore. I know I don't want a gay flag. I only cover my heart with my hand when I stand beneath the stars and stripes of the American flag. Because that's what I am before anything else. Rainbows don't cut it for me anymore. And they certainly haven't protected me. I have no desire to wrap myself in that rainbow. So why isn't Barack standing up and waving the American flag for me?

It should be him.

He said he would do it. But this is all we got:

Last night President Obama issued a memorandum to extend limited benefits to same-sex partners of federal employees. A memorandum? A memo? That doesn't sound very equal rights-ish.

TO: The Gays

FROM: The President of the United States
RE: If you're going to use the fridge, label your food.

That's what I think a memo is. President Obama's memo was almost as worthy. He's giving same-sex benefits to federal employees with major omissions. It's crumbs, people. It's nothing. It's basically a reaction to some noise. He thinks he's throwing us a bone. He could and should have done this on his first day in office. Why isn't he talking about big picture issues? Why isn't he making or preparing the country for sweeping change? The wise gay elders tell me that I should respect this baby step. It is, after all, his first "gay experience" in office. But I say, "no." I want more from MY leader. He's making news because he's giving his gay employees almost the same benefits as he gives his straight employees. Why are we celebrating this?!

Before 1967, his parents would have been arrested for their marriage. Why aren't we being more demanding of this president? And why isn't he more understanding of our position? It's time for us to lose our patience. He should have a deeper understanding of this inequality -- at the very least, deep down in his heart I want to believe he does. He says, for religious reasons, he believes that marriage should be between a man and a woman. I call bullshit, Mr. President. I don't believe that's your personal view. You're being a politician when you say that. You're too intelligent for that. You were a constitutional law professor. Even I know the 14th Amendment means that separate but equal is not equal.

Hey, wait a minute. I just realized something.

It's your job is to be my leader, Barack! When I voted for you, I believed in the integrity of your words as a leader for all citizens, not just most. So back it up with action. It's time you stood out there in front of the Washington Monument and made a speech on my behalf. It's time. It would start something like this:

"I have a dream. I have a dream for some queens..."

This would really give my little daughters something to sing about in music class, Mr. President.

Comments

[CornetMustich]

Are you listening Mr Obama? DOMA? DADT?

Kudos to New England (sans RI) and Iowa for supporting marriage equality and fairness.

Cheers, Joe Mustich, Justice of the Peace
Washington, Connecticut USA

This summer I will be officiating for many couples who are coming to CT to wed from CA, VA, LA, NY, and DC, because they aren't allowed to do so in their own homes states just yet.

http://justicesofthepeace.blogspot.com

[INTP]

The reason you can't find your leader is because you're looking for a conservative white gay man that looks straight. (Not sure why you don't look in a more gender blind fashion since the next gay rights leader could just as well be a gay woman.)

MLK was always in a suit and tie, but you could always tell he was black.

[BoyInBOYCOTT]

gay woman = lesbian

but thanks for sharing

and we would NEVER have thought about a woman leading an LGBT organizati­on.....(sa­rcasm)

look at HRC before Joe Solomnese.

[BoyInBOYCOTT]

btw the celebrity lesbians you straights DON'T KNOW would fill volumes, even though they are on your TV daily.....­and all have the EXACT same haircut.

[hellinahandcart]

Our leader is coming, in time, and her name will be Rachel Maddow.

[hellinahandcart]

Our leader will come, soon, and her name will be Rachel Maddow.

[BoyInBOYCOTT]

OUR BAD, hiding our lesbian light under a bushel basket

cuz ......Wand­a Sykes, Rosey O'Donnell, Hillary Rosen, Martina Navatalova, Rita Mae Brown, Ellen, Portia de Rossi, Irshad Manji, Indigo Girls, Rachel Maddow, Lavender women who walked out of NOW....are such frail fading violets, and never voiced their concerns

[INTP]

As I was saying...M­ax Mutchnick, you know the guy who wrote the article, can't see his leaders even though they're right in front of him.

Although, I don't think it's a good idea to have celebrities as civil rights leaders because it makes us appear privileged.

I know some are interested in lesbian separatism still. But that's old...many of those women identify as gay.

And you forgot Melissa Etheridge.

[garystartswithg]

i was very active politically in the 80s and early 90s. i learned to be a voice for myself and my friends and neighbors and didn't let anyone shut me up. somewhere i got sidetracked. i am being loud again because we still aren't equal. president obama is not my voice -- i am my voice. i did learn two words thanks to president obama's twink speech writer -- "change" and "hope". you don't get change without hope.

whats with your bias against twinks? twinks need guidance -- they haven't had a lot because YOU dropped the ball. show twinks there is more to life than twinkdom. give back to your community. it takes a village to raise a twink and all they have for guidance is qaf. . stop hating and go out and make a friend in your own community without fear. just because they didn't didn't get their jeans at barney's coop doesn't mean they aren't human too.

consider your kids a blessing and realize there are lots of red states in your country where gay people don't have the rights you do. nobody is free until everybody is free and we all need to work. i get so tired of queens that can't get their prada heels dirty. if you are going to sit around and wait for president obama to do everything for you then you may as well give up now. in the words of rupaul charles -- YOU better work.

[shoegazing]

Mutchnick's own word wrote "I mean, imagine if we used the Mardi Gras as the singular way we'd depict straight folk. The public would be lead to believe that all men wear jock straps on their heads and all women like to do is show us their tits." I don't think so. Straight people would probably just shrug and consider Mardi Gras a temporary or seasonal phenomenon unrelated to hetero folks' overall morality. Such cognitive leniency, however, is not applied to minorities in general. Hence, the stereotypes about Jews, gays, Asians and so on.... I also believe in many gay parades there are just as many "normal-looking" gays as gays in costumes, but the former are not newsworthy and therefore generate little shock value to entertain TV viewers which is perhaps why many TV programs don't cover them, no?

[HaloGuy]

If we force his hand, he will make the issue more polarizing than it already is. Do you want him to be re-elected if he at least has promised change? Do you really expect him to make these sweeping changes within the first of four years in office?

Please - I beg of you and all my gay brethren - you must be patient. I'm as tired of waiting as all of you, but I know that if he brings this issue to the fore, the chances of him being re-elected (and fulfilling ALL American promises) are going to be nil.

We want our change now - but we need to be smart about it.

[rmax53]

Patience is indeed a virtue...b­ut that doesn't mean we shouldn't stop asking.

Are we there yet?
Are we there yet?
Are we there yet?

Maybe that won't get us there any faster, but it may keep us on the right road.

[Matt Carter]

I've officially had it with this argument. You're acknowledging that Obama did break a promise, but if we just support him and vote for him one more time, THIS time he'll REALLY do it. How stupid do you think we are?

And don't ever refer to complete strangers as your "brethren.­" Stop playing up to us and grow a spine, for God's sake.

[antaeus]

MLK specifically, and the black civil rights movement in general, worked through amplifying structures. As a minister, King had a platform as well as formal ties with other churches, including liberal white churches. Blacks also had family support; I doubt that many black children were driven from their homes by their parents because of their color.

There are gay movements within American religious communities. The Episcopal Church even has a gay bishop. I know you are mindful of that potential, given the way "Will and Grace" depicted some kind of regular religious observance on the part of its characters. Oh, wait, of course that didn't happen. That embarrassment simply reinforced the superficial triviality that you mock in this essay.

[HaloGuy]

Excellent points - I just realized that the majority of all the characters on his show were complete stereotypes of gay men. How exactly did THAT help our cause?

[antaeus]

How in the world did you just realize that?

That artistic endeavor, in the words of Liz Smith, was a "gay minstrel show." And now he laments the images at Christopher Street West?

[Lannie]

I might buy the argument that Obama is too busy with healthcare reform if he were vigorously promoting the single-payer system he (and most Americans) believes in, or even the public option he's casually letting fall by the wayside. But frankly he seems to have plenty of time on his hands to put some effort into little things like equal rights for all Americans. Hey, maybe it would even be a better use of their time than spending it writing arguments supporting DOMA!

[diogenes1967]

Obama had nothing to do with the writing of that brief. It did come out of his Justice Department though. Most well informed people would know that much.

[rmax53]

"Obama had nothing to do with the writing of that brief. It did come out of his Justice Department though. Most well informed people would know that much."

Key word: "his" Justice Dept.

The buck stops in the Oval Office.

[UnknownSoldier]

Obama has to be pushed by the LGBT community, they have to get out there an organize. June is like Gay Pride month or something like that. Where are the RALLIES, have a look at what is going on in Iran.

If Gay people know how to do anything well, it's throw a good party, damn it get working "Bi@tches"

[sababa]

I hope you have seen these images from Anchorage, Alaska: http://www.governmentalityblog.com/my_weblog/2009/06/shannyn-moore-status-of-lgbt-rights-in-anchorage-.html

[BlackWidowPilot]

Mr. Mutchnick,

There is a story from the Old Testament in which the Israelites find themselves about to be attacked by a fearsome and more powerful nation with a reputation for merciless cruelty. The Israelites are in a panic, asking one another, "Who will save us?!"

The Israelites then realize that there is no-one to save them, but themselves. They were supposedly outnumbered and outgunned, but they rose up as a people determined to live, and defeated their enemy resoundingly.

Unlike the Israelites, the gay community is not without its allies and sympathizers amongst the larger community of Americans. But the fight is your fight first, foremost, and always.

If you would have a real leader within the gay community, you must each find it within yourselves to stand up and be recognized, to each be the leader your community so desperately needs.

IMHO you will probably not find your "Martin Luther Queen." However, a few new "Harvey Milk's" would IMHO be a very good start.

Respectfully,

Leland R. Erickson

Citizen

PROTESTant

[hello122112]

Let’s get something STRAIGHT here lazy gays! MLK didn't give 1 speech and blacks had equality. MLK galvanized a movement. Do you expect Obama to spearhead a Gay Movement? Call for life-threatening marches in the streets against riot police with trained-to-mame dogs and flesh-ripping fire hoses? Obama is the leader of our NATION. He inherited the Bush Depression. If you’d rather wrap yourself in the American Flag, you must admit, gay or straight, we're all being severely affected by the economy. This guy has BIGGER fish to fry. Post Prop 8 I knew this was, perhaps, JUST the beginning of OUR galvanized movement. I say “perhaps” cuz I don’t know if gays have it in them. And that’s at the CORE of why so many us are upset. Most of us don’t like to get too dirty. How many gays own camping gear? Blacks had to do it, suffragettes had to do it, why NOT gays? Nothing is really worth anything if freely given. However, if worked for with sweat, tears & blood then our triumph will have to be EARNED. This is our time to sacrifice ETV and cocktail apathy. How many gays would really show up if our pride parades turned into fierce political rallies thru the month of June? Only after fight back can we then change the hearts and minds of our fearful culture. It’s all about mobilization, teamwork, sacrifice and hard work now. It's IMPERATIVE gays become fearless to transform the fearful.

[RedDogBear]

Wish I had said that.

[dm10003]

women didn't do it that way. any ubiquitous and varied group will do it differently that you describe.

and gays will find their own way to do it.

[BringmeReason]

I would hate to make an excuse when it comes to mobilization and fighting back, but take into consideration our numbers. Last time I checked we were at about 6-10% at best admittedly to be either GBLTQ. Are we suppose to fight the with these numbers? I for one believe in peaceful protesting and while this may not get the job done successfully, I can't see how extreme violent measures would justify our cause.

[ZiggyChristian]

BringmeReason,

Blacks make up 12% of the population today. Not sure what the makeup up was during the civil rights movement, but it couldn't have been more than that.

Of all the arguments that I have read on this blog, I really think that this one is the weakest one.

Blacks in South Africa made up 85% of the population and still were under apartheid for how many years?

Jews made up how much of the American population after WWII, about 10%? They were still able to be crucial to the development of the state of Israel.

Numbers mean nothing in the face of getting it done!

[spiderbucket]

The times are changing and your time will come but let's not interfere with Obama this term - he has too much to fix as it is.

[liberaldemdave]

some of us don't have that long.

not being a "drama queen" but stating the obvious.

how many people die each day from HIV/AIDS?
how many people, like matthew shephard, are murdered by homophobes?
how many teens commit suicide each year because their faith tells them they're worthless to begin with?
how many glbt americans die each day from natural causes having been patient an entire lifetime (the majority of the "activists" that rioted at the stonewall are now senior citizens)?

so, before you ask US to wait, i beseech you too see that for many of us, time is our enemy.

[mydwyf]

'Time' is a construct of biological awareness. It does not really even exist in the 'frequency soup' which is our greater reality. When you grok that, it will no longer be your 'enemy'.

[spiderbucket]

I hear you. I just don't know if the POTUS can fix much of that.

[Maezeppa]

Wait your turn.

[dm10003]

that's not how social struggle and democracy works. this isn't a swiss buss schedule.

[BringmeReason]

Your comments make me laugh. "wait your turn", sounds like people being pushed aside to appease the majority. By-the-way I think we waited enough given the actions of past presidents dealing with our situation.

Everyone has such a contradictory response to our position; some think that we are too weak and not strong enough in numbers or force to fight back, and some think that we whine too much and should sit back on our hands and do nothing, in the hopes that someday we will get some recognition and representation.

I say hold the person responsible for encouraging and installing within us the hope we needed after many a moons of terrible representation. Why shouldn't we hold our political figures responsible for their words and actions? Have we learned nothing from failed Bush? NO one is asking Obama to wave a wand and fix all our problems in this country, but at least do something. Make a schedule, tell us a deadline, make a plan.. But for goodness sake do something. All we've seen so far in reference to the GLBTQ community is a hate brief and some hand-outs of miniscule federal employee benefits (forced by the actions of the pull-out from DNC) non-comparable to that of heterosexuals.

[liberaldemdave]

if i "wait my turn" as you so supportively surmise, i'll NEVER have full equal civil rights.

[southernsepia]

Once again huff- po is scrubbing dissenting voices. True dialog requires critical voices. If someone post an opinion they should be prepared for disagreement.

I'll try again.

I find the current trend of trashing the President disrespectful and selfish.
Gays didn't get the President elected - we all did. Why do the LGBT community believe their issues should jump to the front of the line?

Obama has not addressed specific Black issues either but we are not screaming at him. We realize that he is attempting to overhaul the financial and health care sectors which affect society as a whole. It is only logical to do that first.

If you are gay does that mean you don't have a problem with the cost of healthcare, and you don't need a job?

Further I find the use of Martin Luther Queen disrespectful - This man put his life on the line for our struggle. You seem to be mocking him.

[Tanyars5]

The issue is that the dissenting voices are over powering the agreeable ones. A couple of months ago that was not an issue. I personally have watched the dialogue get uglier and uglier. I am heartened to see the difference of opinions. By silencing dissent this is what you get.
I guess what I commented on may or may not show up.
I also find the use of ML Queen disrespectful. There was nothing funny about that period in time.
sigh

[diogenes1967]

Here's the thing.

The voice of this author IS a minority voice, they post this stuff on huff post to get hits and...hey, it's provocative and baits people into responding.

Some gay people can be provacative, he!!, most gay people are provocative to a certain degree.

The thing now it's not simply gays like the author of this article (white, middle class, meh) are mad at President Obama. one of Michelle Obama's oldest and best friends dropped from the fundraiser. The anger runs accross all social lines.

[dm10003]

this from the poster who likes to post "no it isn't" at any pro-gay article. you don't want constructive debate or emotional disagreement with your attempts to make this an attack on yourself.

[UnknownSoldier]

First let me correct you Mr. Mutchnick,

Obama is an elected official not a leader, he is the Chief Executive of the government. Sometimes politicians are leaders, but most times they aren't.

MLK, was not elected to any public office, he was a leader.

The leader you are looking for will have to emerge from the ranks of the movement, not from Washington D.C.

Examples: FDR had the Labor Movement pushing him, JFK and LBJ both had the Civil Rights Movement pushing them, Abe Lincoln had the Abolistionist movement pushing him,

Barack Obama has a disorganized group of passionate people who have no coherent message not pushing him, but yelling at him and calling him names.

First we must get our house in order, which is correcting this Torture stuff, and right on it's heels is health care, and right on the heels of that is Gay Marriage, because gays have the same rights pretty much as everyone else.

We must show the world who we are as Americans, we do not torture, we take care of our own, and we do our best to treat everyone fairly.

[Skeptiqone]

I agree completely, He is our leader, he is the leader of all of us. It is too bad that we, as gay people, do not have a spokesperson as eloquent and charismatic as Dr. King to explain our cause to the American people. But that is not President Obama's fault.

People would be very upset if he was considered the "leader" of African American, or Jews, or evangelical Christians, etc.

I really believe that he cares about all of us, and is trying to do this complicated task. Give him some time, please!

[dm10003]

"Barack Obama has a disorganized group of passionate people who have no coherent message not pushing him, but yelling at him and calling him names."

most of us know he can handle it. polite and patient and smiling and waiting isn't what you would do for your cause.

[UnknownSoldier]

yes, he can handle it, as he can handle most things, however what is going on right now in the LGBT movement is not effective.

How could this movement lose in California, that was the wake up call, much more work has to be done.

Me personally I've come a long way in my thoughts on Gay rights, 15 years ago I was against Gays adopting children, today I'm 100% for it, I was against Gay Marriage, now I don't see what the big deal about it is.

I was pretty homophobic, but I changed, so with I'm 100% certain that with exposure and education, the LGBT community can win this war.

[cdmattison]

Real change and equality are coming. It will not happen with the stroke of President Obama's pen, but will take a multi-front effort:

1) Small victories, such as "some" federal benefits extended to same-sex couples
2) State-by-state Gay Marriage such as in Massachussetts, Vermont, New Hampshire (keep working in your state)
3) Challenges to anti-gay amendments and DOMA and DADT that make their way to the Supreme Court
4) A split Supreme Court as we have now will pass judgement on a case as historical as Brown v. Board of Education that will lead to...
5) Legislation in Congress establishing equal protections for the LGBT community

In this manner, our rights will be solidified as working through our Constitutional system, not as being dictated down to the People by a "liberal" President.

Martin Luther King, Rosa Parks... they had patience and the spirit of non-violence (non-confr­ontational­) that validated the simple statement worn by picketers in Birmingham -- "I am a man."

With this same commitment and perseverance, we will also be able to stand and say "I am a human." and deserve equal rights.

Patience and perseverance. Our time will come. Freedom will ring.

[UnknownSoldier]

Excellent post, but MLK and the Civil Rights movement demanded justice immediately. First they had to get the murders stopped i.e. lynching, but yes the rest they knew would take some time which is why educating the public was crucial to what they were doing.

Bull Connor was an excellent prop for the movement.

[cdmattison]

I hope that it is not missed, that Obama signing over "some" federal benefits to same-sex couples is actually a "soft power" move. This sets into motion the series of events that I have listed above.

Like a small bit of snow that rolls down a hill gathering into a massive snow ball, President Obama's simple and limited move of offering "some" federal benefits to same-sex couples will engender a growing and unstoppable series of events that will lead to full equality for the LGBT community.

Change is already here.

[BringmeReason]

I would like to believe that if President Obama had initiated these benefits at the beginning of his presidency instead of waiting for an outcry from the GLBTQ community. That sounds heavenly suspect to me...

[jcwtts1]

add same sex couples being counted in the census to your list

I know you want to go to court to have a brown v board moment, it is a mistake. Maybe it is this court, but rather I think there are built in problems with any federal case. The Supremes will not apply strict scrutiny to LGBT issues, at least they haven't as far as I can tell. Without strict scrutiny you lose these cases. My understanding is that the first time strict scrutiny was mentioned or codified by the supreme was in the1930s, 40s. The case dealt with the moving of Japanese Americans to camnps during WWII. The majority opinion was that putting the Japanese in camps was constitutional. The dissent stated that people in categories of pervasive discrimination need special reviews of laws or decisions made about them. Then in the 80s there was a case that outlined who that meant and LGBT were left out, specifically. I believe they were mentioned and cause was given. As far as I know it is still controlling. The point I am making is that state court takes the strict scrutiny precedent and applies it to state law matters including gay rights. The federal court does not. You have a better chance in state court and away from the supreme than you do trying to get a B v B.
J