A Letter From the Cosmos Regarding the Death of Michael Jackson

Hello Americans!

The spiritual center of the universe here. I'm just reaching out across countless galaxies, through burning stars and endlessly dark black holes, to tell you to STFU about Michael Jackson. Oh, don't make that face and proceed to perform a stiff-lipped, defiant "Thriller" dance in my direction (which, yes, is everywhere). I'm not telling you to stop because I'm sick of hearing about MJ (although, yes, I am) -- it's for the safety of your eternal soul.

See, it's a matter of universal balance. The Chinese refer to it as yin and yang. The idea also factors heavily into the Hindu concept of karma. How else to explain it...Paula Abdul needs Simon Cowell. And, yes, Simon needs Paula. Randy is there to let people know that the show isn't racist.

Anyhow. This balance. Normally, when someone who is close to you like your grandmother dies, you mourn their death by discussing your memories of that person extensively. This process will take several days. Right now, people are treating the death of Michael Jackson like everyone's grandmother died at once, and everyone's grandmother had a monster-based dance move and bunch of top-40 hits they could blast in every single public and non-public venue for 72 hours straight. All of this mourning of someone you didn't really know is throwing off the balance of your soul (or, as I like to call it, your "Personality Black Box" that I fish from the depths of your body when you die to figure out WTF went wrong).

"Oh!" you might argue. "We're not crying. We're not upset. We're just remembering Michael." Here's a tip: when you remember, use your brain voice, not CBS, NBC, ABC, FOX, ESPN, every major newspaper, every pre- and post-show soundtrack, all of the internet, and every magazine except the Dowsers Quarterly journal. No one wants to hear about your Michael Jackson memories, unless you're the Culkin child and can set a few rumors straight. If you danced to "Billie Jean" on your first date with your wife, if you first-learned what crotch grabbing was at a young age from watching a televised concert, welcome to the cross-section of humanity known as "pretty much everyone."

Yeah, the guy wasn't old, and premature deaths are always sad. But nobody would argue that that man was in perfect mental or physical health. And, moreover, even though he was working on his comeback tour, I think we can all agree that Michael was not likely to ever make music better than his old stuff. A lot of you, if you look deep inside of your Personality Black Boxes, would probably realize that you didn't even like Michael Jackson as a person; you found him creepy, but you enjoyed his music. I'm not trying to be callous (although I can be: vengeful god, etc. etc.), but please, let's be reasonable: the coverage, both from the media and from your mouth-hole, is way overdone. Put away your MJ albums for a couple of weeks so when you listen to them again, you're not completely tired of the music.

Anyway, that's all I've got for you today. Oh, and I know I haven't communicated with you in a while, so feel free to print this page out and tape it in the back of whatever holy book you subscribe to.

Xo,
SCotU (Spiritual Center of the Universe)

Follow Meg Favreau on Twitter: www.twitter.com/ihaveapuma

Comments

[GeneQueen]

HILARIOUS!!

[Allocator2008]

If you are not devastated by MJ's death, you frankly didn't deserve him in the first place.

MJ's tragic demise is epochal, with only perhaps the deaths of Achilles and Jesus of Nazareth even coming close to the historical impact that this is.

If you don't get that, I feel sorry for you.

Peace.

[MICHELLEDIANE3]

photo

Michael Jackson "You are not alone." Not anymore. I believe you are now, the angel in heaven you sought so hard to be here on earth. You were so misunderstood, vilified, and beat upon. There was so much mockery and hatred of you, for only one reason. You"re goodness; your luminosity into the beautiful heart you believed could be in every man. You had such generosity, and tried so hard to teach others, to look into the soul; and to not judge based on color, creed or class.
But darkness, doesn"t like beauty to shine. It detracts so much from what it is trying to do. Create dark humanless souls of us all. To replace the radiance that was born within all of us, by God. You spoke of nothing, but love and peace. Your light through your words, and music shone so bright. You"ve brought so much too so many, but only sought pure love for yourself. Your sensitivity brought ridicule. When all you wished most of all was to be embraced and understood.
I think what personally stood out to me most of all; was your tender nature. Envy in other people mistook that for weakness, when in reality it is strength. The force of who you were was so strong. Many people wish to have that, but could never achieve it.
We are all afforded different opportunities in life. Instead of being envious, they should have rejoiced with you, in your success and life.

[Diana Asa'ah]

I gotta admit this is pretty hilarious, but so true; i'm guilty of the same things: listening to MJ non-stop, reading nearly every news outlet like a hawk, and grieving (not crying, but feeling sad, upset, etc) like I lost a close friend or family member and Thanks for writing this, maybe I'll kick the habit, lay off the MJ, so that I can move on with my life.

[mrman]

In reality it's not just the death of Michael Jackson that we over 30 are mourning. It's the death of the symbol of our youth. Remembering how vibrant, youthful and magnificent he was when we hear his name... sent our hearts speeding backward in time to the days when all possibilities laid before us. Regardless of what happened in his personal life...he was a living testament with a killer soundtrack to our misspent youth and we loved him for it. His untimely death was like ice water in the face. It's all over.
It's all downhill from here. It never really happened. It was all a dream. Meg...pray you never have to watch the symbol of your youth leave far before your ready to face your own mortality. For then is becomes the dreaded hurry up and wait game....

[moodigirl]

So so very true. I have told everyone this. It really is like the death of my childhood and it HURTS!!!

[maiforpeace]

I wouldn't say it's the death of my childhood. But I am reminded of my twenties again, which is when I was most affected by his music through Thriller, which was played EVERYWHERE during that time.
He's had some one hit wonders over the years, but the Thriller days were the ones that I remember the most. It is classic pop, because I can listen to it with the same enjoyment now as I did back then.

[Ryan Hennessy]

Meg, you're not helping me in my mourning process. In fact, you just set me back a few days. SHAME ON YOU.

[mazaza]

I danced to MJ's songs not even knowing they were his, I could not have cared less... I was "jazz", the rest did not stay with me. Rediscoverd him just know. The dancing is what is amazing... that elusive grace just because, just because he was just him and that strange charisma...An icon dying a useless death is a bit of collective history going away and those dark thoughts we sometimes entertain about how human psyche can or could lead us into the abyss.

[Margaret Powell]

I wonder how old the author is? Anyone younger than 31 or 32 probably doesn't exactly "Get" the impact that 70s and 80s Michael Jackson had on us. If the earliest MJ you remember was the sliced up pale guy who sang "Bad" you probably won't miss his legacy the way others will.

[tiffanyjillian]

I just turned 30 in March, and was very deeply impacted by his death... I won't BORE the author of this blog with exactly why, but even my brother, born in 1982 feels the loss. I think as lons as you were alive during the early 80's or lived in a home that celebrated the Jackson 5 and other Motown work, you will feel the loss.


And to Center of the Universe -- after taking back one of your own, you seem to lack the compassion of an energy supposedly composed of love -- but wait, lol

I've confused You, the center of the Universe (in your own mind) with God -- with all the Judgement, that was an easy mistake to make.

Please Forgive Me.

[Lozzza]

I agree with this. I'm an '83 baby but grew up loving MJ until I was in my late teens. My mum grew up with the Jackson 5 and passed her love onto me. I can still remember dancing around our living room to the 30th anniversary concert in 2001.

I don't remember him as anything but a little bit odd my whole life, but I'm shocked at how much his death did affect me. I couldn't listen to his music after the molestation trial and I'm glad I can seperate it now. Its just sad that it took his death to do so.

Rest in peace MJ.

[whiskeytangofoxtrot451]

I remember the big impact MJ had on music in the 80s.

I've just been spending the last 20 years trying to forget it.

[nerakami]

Well you know Meg - it would be great if we were walking away from this global experience with all the right lessons so we could all be better people, but I have yet to hear the MJ saga reported in the way that it has impacted me - and it's really a very simple lesson ;

Don't f**k up your children's minds and then think they can end up as happy, wholesome human beings...
how difficult is that to grasp?

[lfallis62]

Amen!!!!!

[euripedes923]

Thank you for this column.
You'll get a lot of hate mail from the shrill shills and sycophants, but you can't talk sense to stupidity.
I keep turning on the news in hopes of hearing something about the rest of the world, but no.
news flash: MJ is still dead

[hollybork]

Good post, Meg. You said in a creative and fun way what I have gritted my teeth and grunted for the last 5 days - as in "when will this END?"

Now I don't want to hear one more word from someone named Jackson. Nor would I like to see any more celebrities on Larry King or CNN talking about their personal relationship with Michael (for 10 or 30 minutes 15 years ago). I would however like to hear the hard news of it: what he died of and why, whether the doctor was lying about him having a faint heartbeat when he wasn't breathing (?), and what good that cardiac doctor expected to do without a typical emergency room tool kit - cardiac monitor, paddles, an intubation tube, oxygen, scalpel for a traceotomy, etc. I would also like to know what kind of security MJ was paying for when he died in a bedroom with everything but a working phone and his security personnel couldn't be found for 30 minutes (?). As for the hapless celebrity doctor who has his own lawyer, the sycophants, hangers on and greedy family members shamelessly shilling their latest venture, I am sure they will keep this this roiling dispite warning from the Center of the Spiritual Universe, before they put MJ in his final resting place among the hoopla and spectacle for millions who never knew him and whose death will matter not one whit to their lives.

[samilli3]

2 weeks is a long time.........

[anick]

Hello

Clearwater clearmind.. sounds as if your clearwater and clearmind may be a little murky! Everyone is allowed to grieve as they wish as long as they wish.. until they reach a place of peace... it's a healthy process.. maybe you should try grieving selfishness..... it's pretty liberating..

Loving someone and expressing that you love someone even if you don't know them is right.. we should all love each other. Now that can be a healing balm to your wounds.

[tiffanyjillian]

Thank you.
Very well said and valid point.

[a3w]

Great post--remember when all the nation's disaffected youth staged a huge cry-in over the death of Kurt Cobain? I was even more confused by that than by everyone's reaction to MJ. (And I'm a fan of both of them! Although I personally feel that MJ had a much greater impact in both music and world culture.)

[VonTeshyn]

Spot-on funny!!