01/28/2009 02:17 pm ET | Updated May 25, 2011

Is John McCain the Second Coming of Christ?

On the eve of an election so important that it will physically force the Hale-Bopp comet to once again pass by the Earth, I worry about the information people will have when they go to the polls. This campaign season, there has been too much misdirection and not enough facts. This is why I want you to consider one important question before casting your vote: Is John McCain the second coming of Jesus Christ?

Think about it. Both have suffered great torture. Both have had friends who have betrayed them (Judas, Colin Powell). And both are deeply loved by the elderly.

But that's not all. John McCain is against gay marriage and abortion, and in the Bible, didn't Jesus say "I am against gay marriage and abortion?" (not a direct quote). And where Jesus magically turned water into wine, John McCain magically turned himself from someone who was kind of hated by Republicans into a Republican-loved guy who uses an unlicensed plumber as a campaign mascot.

Moreover, if we're talking about mavericks, Jesus was the original maverick--rallying against the system to bring a totally new religion to the people. John McCain is kind of like that in how he will bring a new sense of hatred and depression to many of the American people if he wins.

So when you go to the polls tomorrow, just remember this one plain fact: John McCain is Jesus Christ.