Economists have predicted a recession here in America, and some people are even talking about the possibility of a full stock market crash. Uh-oh! That means now is the perfect time for you to start saving money. But with today's credit-card-happy economy, many people don't know how to stop spending and start saving. That's why I've written a few helpful tips for reducing your monthly budget:
• Instead of purchasing brand-name household cleaners, buy bleach. It's inexpensive, kills germs, and does double-duty as toilet deodorizer and human poison.
• Concerned about your looks? Wear your current clothing for the next 40 years, and in 2048 you'll be a retro-fashion trend-setter.
• Save your pennies in a container. You'll be surprised by how quickly they add up! Then put them in an old sock and use that as a weapon instead of buying an expensive new gun.
• If you're cold, burn books for warmth. No matter what paper they're printed on, copies of the US Constitution burn best and brightest, charged by the flame of our forefathers.
• Instead of going on an expensive vacation, consider sleeping outdoors, under the stars. If you like that, you should also consider moving all of your stuff outside and selling your house. Oh wait! You already lost that to your subprime mortgage. Great job! You're saving so much money already.