Tom intoned in the opening of this week's results show, "For one, it will end happily ever after, but for one, it will just end!" And, with that, they went straight to the results!
Aiden & Edyta are safe, as are Erin & Maks. Erin exclaimed, "Thank God!"
Len's perspective was that last night was fantastic, and he loved the show. Jake and Chelsie's Quickstep was okay, but okay won't get them through Week 10. Niecy's so-so Waltz put her in the middle of the pack: Len said that she has got to up her game and that he needs to see a different Niecy. Niecy noted, "I was taken aback and a little off by how I was feeling and I wasn't thinking about my feet." Pam's Paso Doble had intensity and power, according to Len, but it wasn't neat. He added that there was a slight improvement in Chad's dancing this week and that Aiden had a case of "analysis paralysis." Aiden agreed that he needs to allow himself the freedom to perform. Len said Nicole's performance broke all the rules, and that Kate's Paso Doble lacked fire or aggression and was more like a stroll in the park than an actual dance. He added about Buzz's Waltz: "the story was charming, the dance was alarming." Erin's Waltz was very nice, but Len later thought he gave them one point too many because there weren't enough trademark Waltz moves in it. He felt Evan gave Nicole a run for her money and he loved it.
Who did the judges want to see for an encore? Evan & Anna, of course. It showed in their faces that they were much more relaxed tonight, but the still had equally good precision. It wasn't as on-top-of-the-world as last week's encore by Nicole and Derek, but it was, indeed, worth watching again.
Next up was Reba McEntire with a rollicking performance of "I Want A Cowboy," a welcome upswing from last week's somewhat tone-deaf Beach Boys song medley. Maks and Edyta got all the camera time doing a fake (and sexed-up) Texas two-step dance with two of the dance extras. Tom noted at the end that none of the dancers were actually American who performed a decidedly American dance.
Tom then announced that Niecy & Louis were safe, and we were finally able to breathe a sigh of relief that their political dance and pro-marriage equality statements didn't lose them votes in the Midwest (Barack Obama, take note!)!
Derek, Mark, and Chelsie then performed an acoustic Paso Doble. Derek played the opening on the guitar, then put it down to dance with Chelsie while the band, which included Mark Ballas, snapped along. Chelsie and Derek looked fabulous (despite her tacky half-black, half-blonde skunk stripe dyed hair), and really made clear with their professional performance what was wrong with all of the half-baked Paso Dobles last night.
Brooke interviewed everyone backstage, where Aiden said he didn't vomit again this week (good job, Aiden... baby steps!), and Erin said she nearly did while waiting to hear that she was safe this week. Niecy said she had been looking forward to doing a fast dance next week but, instead, was going to be dancing the Rhumba, which meant she wouldn't be able to "shake her jiggly bits."
Next Monday, Len said each dance will get two scores: once for technique, and one for performance. Furthermore, the dancers will be required to perform specific moves.
After that, the producers provided sweet relief to one more couple: Nicole & Derek, who will be back to dance again next week.
Reba then performed "Consider Me Gone" while the back-up dancers went shirtless (he) and sported hair that looked like someone lost a bet with their stylist (she).
Brooke and Tom the admitted that, at the request of the audience, Joey Fatone will dance a Tango with Melissa Rycroft to "Rock and Roll All Night" with costumes viewers will pick... at some unknown point later in the season. But tonight, they featured a segment of Melissa demonstrating what it's like to watch the show as a member of audience. At least it wasn't as boring as a Brooke-umentary.
After that filler, they announced that Evan & Anna were safe, and Anna breathed an obvious sigh of relief. Chad & Cheryl were also safe.
Backstage, Nicole promised to repent for breaking the Len Commandments. Evan said that he thinks that next week's dance will be a challenge, and admitted they'll be traveling next week. Chad said he'll bring the romance with this Rhumba, and just make love on the dance floor. Cheryl declined comment, and Tom wondered who would clean up all that, uh, romance on the dance floor.
To fill more time, the producers delivered a backstage-with-the-cast piece. Niecy said she's the mom of the crew (don't tell Kate!), and tries to get everyone to eat. Jake said he and Aiden are good friends, and Aiden said he gets on well with Nicole. Nicole said she likes Erin because Erin is a fun goofball, too. Erin said that Kate and she are constantly texting when Kate's in Pennsylvania. Buzz says that performance days are his favorite part of the week. We wouldn't think it would hurt so much for the producers to beat us over the head with pretty little lies since we've been watching a bunch of reality television, and yet, somehow, we had a headache and a creeping sense of being manipulated once that "golly, we're just like a big happy family" montage was over.
To eliminate the saccharine aftertaste of the previous segment, they announced that Pam & Damian were safe. Whew!
They then went through all three remaining couples: Jake & Chelsie; Buzz & Ashley; and Kate & Tony. The first couple in the bottom two was Buzz & Ashly. The audience booed, but Ashly said, "It's okay." Also in the bottom two was Jake & Chelsie, and the audience moaned with disgust, because that meant that Kate & Tony are safe. Unlike last week, Kate kept it classy and refrained from jumping up and down.
Len admitted he was surprised, because he thought Buzz would be saved by America, and Jake appealed to the judges more than anyone else in the bottom three.
In the end, Buzz & Ashly were voted off this week. Ashly shrugged, then smiled, kissed Buzz's cheek, and told him that she was proud of him. Buzz got a standing ovation as the pair made their way to the judges' table. Brooke asked him to remind people why he participated in DWTS. Buzz said he did it for the fighter pilots, the military people, and the "elder geezers" like him. He added that he was also interested educating the public about the successes of the space program, past and future. The judges then give him a standing ovation along with the crowd.
The show ended as Buzz & Ashly did one last dance together, while the whole cast saluted him. And Kate Gosselin, she of the two left feet and increasingly crazy hair extensions, was safe for another week.