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Mei-Ling Hopgood

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7 Parenting Discoveries From Around The World

Posted: 02/22/2012 12:24 pm

This image is burned in my mommy brain: My oldest daughter, at about 22 months old, standing in our living room after I have dressed her in a pair of lime green, wool kaidangku, split-crotch pants, staring down at her bare parts and then looking up at me and grinning. That began our potty training odyssey, inspired by my research into Chinese parenting culture and other "odd" family practices. My girl would go on to pee on the floor countless times, and sit with her bare bottom on precious items. But she would be trained within two (if wet) weeks.

It was one of the eye-opening experiences, inspired by my years living abroad, raising my children and researching parenting beliefs. There were so many "wow" moments, when my middle-class mom instincts clashed with what I was living, hearing, seeing and reading. But I was intrigued, and learned more than I ever dreamed. Those discoveries (to be explored in later blog posts) include:

Argentina: Where Eating Together Is More Important Than Sleep
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In Argentina, where we lived for seven years, family dinner time takes precedence over bed times and sleep routines. Children of all ages from babies to teens stay up late; they are out on the town with parents and extended families and go to dinners that start aas late as nine, ten and eleven at night.

 
 
 
This image is burned in my mommy brain: My oldest daughter, at about 22 months old, standing in our living room after I have dressed her in a pair of lime green, wool kaidangku, split-crotch pants, st...
This image is burned in my mommy brain: My oldest daughter, at about 22 months old, standing in our living room after I have dressed her in a pair of lime green, wool kaidangku, split-crotch pants, st...
 
 
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HUFFPOST SUPER USER
mrinaliniv
10:00 PM on 03/05/2012
Same in my family in India as in Argentina. We stayed up late with the adults andwe were always included in all activities.Parents rarely went out by themselves without the kids. There were no real reason to leave the kids behind. We all went to bed at the sametime as our parents and often in the same bed. Probably not good for the marriage, but great for the kids. Then again, divorce was never really an option in anyones mind. Things have changed a lot though in India too. Some of the western parenting lessons have caught on there as well. So I dont know what the norm is anymore.
05:46 PM on 03/01/2012
I highly recommend the bare bottom method. I had never heard of it until my daughter brought her toddler son to me to keep over the weekend while she went to a weekend conference.

When I noticed he didn't have any training pants or any shorts on. His bottom was bare. She said that it is a new way to potty train. I wasn't impressed.

After she left, he had to go poo poo and took off running to the bathroom, but he didn't make it. I cleaned it up and called my daughter and said it isn't working. She said put his training diaper on, then.

I decided to give him another chance since he had tried to go to the bathroom. He went to the potty everytime. At naptime and night I was afraid he would wet the bed so I put a bed pad under him. He didn't wet the bed at all.

I ended up being impressed. My daughter came back to pick up the children and said I guess I will have to start all over with the potty training. I said, 'no, he is totally trained'. She was so proud.

I would advise putting a long tee shirt on them when training that way. It is a good way to train a toddler.

I wrote this once, then it disappeared. I guess the monitors didn't like my words.
12:22 PM on 03/01/2012
When I was small & living with 9 brothers and sisters, we all went to bed at the same time. It was usually about 10 p.m. We watched TV or played games or read a book until bedtime.

I didn't make my kids go to bed early. If they fell asleep before bedtime we would carry them to their beds. After they were about two, they didn't take a nap, either.

My daughters had lots of battles about bedtime with their children. They put their children to bed early.
05:14 PM on 02/29/2012
My daughter decided to train her son the way the woman who wrote the article did. I was going to watch him over the week end and she sprang it on me not to put pants on him that she was potty training him. I griped a lot about that. I had never heard of such.

After she left, the little guy needed to poo poo and ran as hard as he could to the bathroom, but he didn't make it. I called her and griped some more.

Anyway after that he started using the toilet and didn't have another accident. When my daughter came back, she said, "I guess I will have to start all over with him". I told her, "No, you don't, he is trained" and he really was. Amazing.
05:43 PM on 02/27/2012
I just can't get over the fact that no one ever told this woman the word "eskimo" is a racial slur. How did that make it into a book title?
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pcs5141
cut the crap
03:52 PM on 03/04/2012
So what do you call them Alaskan Indians or Alaskimos ?????
03:04 PM on 03/05/2012
The appropriate name is inuit.
02:39 AM on 02/25/2012
I really enjoyed this book. I'd also like to recommend CALL ME OKAASAN: ADVENTURES IN MULTICULTURAL MOTHERING, a collection of personal essays by mothers around the world.
01:27 AM on 02/25/2012
Thank you for a glimpse of your book -- and of parenting around the world. We will post a review of "How Eskimos..." on Literary Mama soon. To learn about parenting in Bangkok and Cape Town see our columns by Avery Fischer Udagawa and me, Mother City Mama. http://www.literarymama.com
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rjcate14
04:37 PM on 02/23/2012
Men in the United States can actually take leave if they have a baby or adopt a child. Many people do not know this. Just like there are certain things that have to be in place so a woman can be able to take maternity leave, the same applies for new fathers.
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JayMonaco
10:10 AM on 02/24/2012
Usually it's unpaid. Paid paternity leave is extraordinarily rare in the US.
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marianproletarian
01:31 PM on 02/27/2012
Same for mothers.
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HUFFPOST SUPER USER
marianproletarian
03:53 PM on 02/27/2012
Here in CA we have paid leave for parents who pay into disability.
03:55 PM on 02/23/2012
Wow, "the most dedicated dads in the world" contribute "almost 50% of the time" (the actual statistic is that 47% of the time, they are within reach of their infant child)? 50% should be the statistic for every 2-parent household where other duties are split down the middle--including jobs and housekeeping. Perhaps someday...
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JayMonaco
10:11 AM on 02/24/2012
Nature doesn't work that way.
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marianproletarian
01:32 PM on 02/27/2012
Nature has nothing to do with it.
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HUFFPOST SUPER USER
marianproletarian
04:42 PM on 02/27/2012
Statistics don't necessarily prove anything except cultural bias, and your observations are anecdotal evidence. Many men these days, including yourself, are taking on much more of the child care and domestic duties. Perhaps this is not "natural (since we humans do this, I believe that makes it natural)," but sometimes we actually are "above nature." That is humanity.
03:29 PM on 02/23/2012
I love these parenting articles of different practices around the world. Keep them coming HP. As for the potty training, it would be better with hardwood floors, kind of icky with carpet. The kids in our family took forever to train, we should have tried the split pants.
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marianproletarian
01:32 PM on 02/27/2012
I just waited until my son was ready and only had to deal with about two accidents. This is the method I suggest for lazy parents :-)
03:25 PM on 02/23/2012
Such a wonderful post! ...Also, it is followed by GREAT and interesting comments. What a nice change.
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kasel1
Sarcastic physicist, musician, author
02:37 PM on 02/23/2012
"West African Benin: Where Foster Kids Thrive." Come on. Look at that place. Ain't nobody thriving there.
09:55 AM on 02/23/2012
The one that I found interesting was the West African Benin. Why is "fostering" the norm and why don't the children live with their biological parents?
09:31 AM on 02/23/2012
A friend of my niece trained her son by just letting him run around the house with no pants just a big T-shirt, he was trained in 2 weeks. So my niece decided to try putting on baggy boxers on her 2 year son and he was trained in three weeks. Her daughter just wore sundresses trained in two weeks. Both trained at age 2. She said it's great, those diapers are expensive!
10:16 PM on 02/23/2012
But carpet is more expensive.
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JayMonaco
10:12 AM on 02/24/2012
You don't actually replace the carpet, man.
01:10 PM on 02/24/2012
Tile and hardwood floors are no problem if cleaned right away. Don't worry, the kid screeches when this happens. Also those hand held carpet machines work great. No different than having a puppy.
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Brianne DeRosa
03:03 PM on 02/24/2012
It truly does work. With both our boys, we trained bare-bottomed (at home) and in underpants -- no pull-ups or diapers -- at daycare and in public. Our youngest was trained in less than 2 weeks, at age 2. Our oldest had a harder time, but he has a sensory-motor disability. Whereas other parents tell us it can take 6 months to a year with a kid like him, we had it covered in 2 months. I always encourage other parents to put aside their fears about the mess and just go for it! So much easier to learn when you can feel your mistakes!
06:50 PM on 02/24/2012
Just need a good mop and rug cleaner! No problem!
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smoker
QuĂ© SerĂ¡, SerĂ¡
09:24 PM on 02/24/2012
Huh! I am just reaching that stage in life and wish H-P had a secure email add to exchange place so that I could get some advice. At what age did you start and how? Any links to share?
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12:17 AM on 02/23/2012
My had juuust about finished potty training when we moved to Shanghai (where we are currently living.) We were beyond the 'split pants' stage, but when I saw those I thought man, what a great idea! Wished I'd known about them sooner.

For the past 2 years she has attended a local (as opposed to international) kindergarten, where they serve Chinese food, Chinese style. Which means lots of weird (to me) stuff, with lots of bones in it, to be eaten with chopsticks. Or, you know, don't eat. No one is going to go make you some fish fingers or chicken nuggets instead, so you'd best get on with it, kiddo. She is by far more intrepid and adventurous with food than I ever could have imagined, and certainly more dexterous with the sticks at 5 than I managed to be by 30. (I'm very good now, ha ha.) Her skill at leaning over her plate and dribbling out bits of bone and gristle is, well, okay, it's not going to win us any invitations to dine at Buckingham Palace, but she can hold her own against any of her local peers, that's for sure.