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Melani Robinson

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Brazilian Wax: Too Old for Bare Down There?

Posted: 03/27/2012 2:05 pm

My almost 50-year-old friend recently told me that "hers" isn't as pretty as it used to be -- she's growing back the hair. That brave declaration led me to an awkward hour later that evening which involved a mirror and the many different positions I might've found myself in if I happened to be having porn sex.

I was grateful to live alone.

My now-grown daughters always felt my bedroom was a mere extension of theirs and had they barged in that night, there wouldn't be enough therapy in the world.

I started getting a monthly Brazilian wax in my 30s. My first from the famous J. Sisters, during a trip to New York City. Nearly two decades later, widowed, and a few months past 50, I was questioning all sorts of things. Lofty ponderings such as the meaning of life, my own journey of reinvention, and could I find love again? Why not add another that only the most enlightened woman on her own spiritual pilgrimage might ask: Bald or bush?

At the end of the 60-minute self-exploration I confidently declared, "Well, mine is still pretty," and then had a flashback to my summer beach vacation. The same wise friend had transitioned to one-piece swimwear. I had not. I'm rockin' this bikini, I thought as I strutted from my beach chair to the sea. The photos that others took and then posted on Facebook told a different story. I struggled to identify the blonde with the muffin-top and then horror hit as I recognized the backside of my own teal swimsuit.

Was a bit of hair down there the equivalent of the sarong I should've wrapped around my former six-pack? What is the age limit for taking it all off, and how does one decide? What about laser hair removal? Would that permanent option become the Mötley Crüe tattoo or oversized breast implants of future awkward conversations? Something one might explain to a gynecologist or new lover with a chagrined, "I did that when I was much younger."

What I once deemed superfluous might rapidly have transitioned into valuable camouflage.

I needed an age-appropriate male perspective. When questioned, a friend told me that he'd quit dating a woman because she was too old. I clarified that she was 15 years younger yet he insisted her age was the issue. "She has hair down there. Lots of it, and doesn't even trim. Younger women know better."

This critique came from a man who qualifies for Social Security and whose back hair could be braided.

His opposing view only added to my indecision, so I conducted my own investigation. While in the locker room, I sat on a bench and pretended to text as I discretely checked out the ladies. There was an absolute correlation between age and pubic hair. The younger the woman, the less hair she had. I didn't see anyone my age who was bare.

Perhaps I had become That Woman. You know her. She's the one we shake our heads about. She's dressed as her former self -- low-cut shirt, crepey cleavage exposed, or a micro mini and six-inch platform shoes that only accentuate the droopy skin around her knees and perfectly pedicured hammertoes. The woman who thinks she can still pull it off but can't and is the last one to know. Always comfortable with my own nudity in the gym locker room, I now imagined the younger women around me catching a glimpse of my hair-free zone and thinking, now that is just so wrong.

I've decided it's time to call on the professionals. It's my view that intervention training should be a requirement of the licensing process for aestheticians. I believe we need the unbiased guidance from the experts who could calmly state as we lie on the table, naked from the waist down as they evaluate the situation, "Listen, sister, this is looking a bit tired. Happens to the best of 'em. It's time for some ground cover."

What do you think? I'd love to hear from both men and women on this "critical" subject. For those of you that feel this is distasteful or trite, please don't check out my blog. You'll be completely appalled at the ridiculous things I write about as I document one year of my foray into the jungle of online dating at 50 years old.

 

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My almost 50-year-old friend recently told me that "hers" isn't as pretty as it used to be -- she's growing back the hair. That brave declaration led me to an awkward hour later that evening which inv...
My almost 50-year-old friend recently told me that "hers" isn't as pretty as it used to be -- she's growing back the hair. That brave declaration led me to an awkward hour later that evening which inv...
 
 
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HUFFPOST SUPER USER
LiberalBuzz
Voting republican is voting against America.
12:56 AM on 04/09/2012
Fully smooth.

Having gone out with women of all ages and to be honest even a short affair with one in her 60's who was a fireball, 

The first time I saw completely bare was in a magazine in the 60's where any shot of a woman down there was a serious no no, except in nudist magazines.But is was an "art" magazine so I guess it was allowed then.I was fascinated as all I had ever seen before was in nudist magazine and it was just a dark V.

Then I saw a stripper in Hollywood, Rene Bond, and she was the first live woman who was smooth. I was hooked.

From that point on I started asking for it to be done on anyone I dated regularly and never got an argument especially when I loved going down there with no hair to be picking out of my teeth or tongue (Sorry to be so graphic but...). And it just looks so great.   Especially after the 70's and 80's where hair everywhere was just gross in particular the 70's.

Anyway, I love the look and especially the feel. I've been into it for 40 years and love it.
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albertarick
These are questions for wise men with skinny arms
12:02 AM on 04/07/2012
Old or young, fuzzy or smooth, I'm a huge fan. All about the presentation and preparation.
10:36 PM on 04/04/2012
I'm a nearly 50yr old (male) , and I have waxed for more than 10 yrs.
However,I've never gone to a salon,but have always done it at home. For that reason, having it done at a salon is sort of, "on my bucket list".
The first time waxing my pubic region was due to an impending medical procedure, so I figured rather than suffer the indignity of having a nurse shave me, I'd do it myself. Right away I was hooked, it felt fantastic to be free of that hair. It was as if my tactile sense had been amplified 5x. I'm not a nudist but I always hate getting dressed for the first week after waxing. I'd go so far as to say that if you've never had sex hairless, You've never had sex !
I would guess that you've been doing it so long, if you stopped now, at some point the hair would become intolerable and you'd get a wax .
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aubonpain
How about some common sense?
11:08 PM on 04/03/2012
This thread has been hilarious. I laughed out loud. fun fun fun.
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Tonya Cox Willis
You say Liberal like it's a bad thing.
03:28 PM on 04/02/2012
I do not and will not ever understand why any woman would subject herself to such fiery torture. Just me.
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PrimoPablo
Rules were made to be broken by the rule makers
03:05 PM on 04/02/2012
This whole shaving epidemic is a sign of perversion that women succumb to on the man's behalf.
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jstanavgguy
Proud member of the evil 1%
10:16 PM on 04/01/2012
What do a beautiful woman and a beautiful car have in common?

Both are better with a really good wax job, regardless of their age.
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HUFFPOST SUPER USER
outlawjames8
02:06 PM on 04/01/2012
I can see keeping it groomed at that age. But bald, for what purpose? Ya can't hold back the years forever. If my dome started to go bald I'd just shave it off, no dead varmints for me. I was with a friend when she got one. I give it to the operator for having the reserve of a clinician. Could not imagine having to do that to some senior. But that's the male brain thinking.
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joe1964
Celebrate France, 1789 at Goldmann Sachs
01:34 PM on 04/01/2012
I am 47 and as a gay man you really do get body conscious. Pushing 50 you know you aren't a kid but you still want to look good to others.

How does this affect your question? Well, if someone is looking down on you for your pubic grooming, then I think that person should have never gotten close enough to even see it. The guy with the braided back hair that you mention comes to mind.

It's YOUR body. If you like it, go with it. If you have a mutton top and you are wearing a bikini and you like your bikini then wear your bikini! Why are you worried? You think it matter what a stranger thinks?

If your friends get excited over your pubic grooming and choice of bathing suit then you need new friends. If the kids think you shouldn't be wearing a bikini at your age, Sister, you need to let them know that you EARNED the right to do so.

As for esthetics, asking a gay man about vaginal beauty is..er...problematic. I don't like them personally, but I can say that a bald penis seems to me to be almost pederastic. I don't want a mouthful of fur, but I don't want bald either. Neatly trimmed and just enough to tell if the carpet matches the drapes is enough for me.
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02:24 AM on 04/04/2012
As a straight female, I'm with you 100%. They shouldn't be down there in the first place if they are shallow enough to care that much.
12:52 PM on 04/01/2012
What's the harm in going 'au naturale'? So long as it's kept up and neatly groomed like hair in other places. There's something aesthetically pleasing about the female form in it's natural state. Brazilian wax and clean-shaven is no different than people (men mainly) who shave their heads for whatever reason. I guess if you prefer the 'clam' look, go for it. To the contrary, if you've ever checked out one of Helmut Newton's photography galleries you know what I'm talking about...
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outlawjames8
02:11 PM on 04/01/2012
You're right, but the models you refer to are young and fit. Ever see the pic of the 80 year old waling the beach in a thong? I'm sure she is thinking along those lines too. Just because you can don't mean you should.
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kykys2
the world has gotten so terribly, terribly old
08:08 AM on 04/01/2012
Landing strips and mohawks all the way, because nobody's genitals are pretty, but the right hairstyle can do wonders...
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outlawjames8
02:12 PM on 04/01/2012
I beg to differ. I've seen some very pretty floral arrangements.
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HUFFPOST SUPER USER
Fudgefase
Boldly going nowhere...
05:14 AM on 04/01/2012
Worry not, Melani. Nature will take care of that issue for you in a few years time. When I was nursing, I was amazed at the loss of body hair in older women, especially 'down below'. In ten or 15 years you won't have to wax, you'll be able to pluck.
03:29 AM on 04/01/2012
If you could braid it, I might consider saying something about it. Other than that, I have already made my decision on your beauty, and my desire to spend time with you. It's really a non-issue at that point.
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outlawjames8
02:13 PM on 04/01/2012
End of story.
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49tales
lucem sequimur
09:58 PM on 03/31/2012
I'm a Gemini and like variety so change up my 'hairstyles' frequently. Keeps my husband guessing

Why do you have to pick one or the other? Do what feels right at the time. And don't worry what anyone else thinks, they probably couldn't care less
08:08 PM on 03/31/2012
It's all good! What matters is what you like for yourself.