It's interesting being a parent of biracial children in that like with most things with motherhood, I'm fumbling around in the dark.
Digging through my five-year-old's backpack, I ran across a worksheet on Martin Luther King, Jr. Curious, I asked him what he learned about King in school.
He told me that white people used to not let brown people do things and King made a lot of white people mad because he was helping the brown people.
Hmmm. Well, kinda.
Since my husband is a blond-haired blue-eyed Norwegian and I am a black girl from Kansas, I'm always curious as to how our biracial kids perceive themselves when it comes to race. So the conversation began on this day as it has many times before:
"Do you know any brown people?" I asked.
He rolled his eyes and pointed at the chocolate side of my hand. "You."
"Do you know any white people?"
He smiled: "Daddy!"
"Right." And then I waited. I waited because usually at this point in the conversation, he gives me a glimpse into his curious little mind.
"Mommy, am I one of the brown people who can't do anything or the white people who get to do everything?"
My heart sank a little. All the talks we've had about the importance of content of character, how President Barack Obama had a white parent and a brown parent, the books we've read about King, Rosa Parks, Obama and kids of every hue and belief. Did they not stick?
My niece and nephew are also biracial and they're college students. I admire how their generation doesn't seem to feel the need to check the white or the brown box. They are who they are and that's it. I too am trying to keep my kid "box-free" while also instilling a sense of knowing where one came from.
That's why my response to whether he was brown or white was another question: "What do you think?"
He studied the backside of his hand. "I am both, it's like a mix."
"You're right!" It's true, he is. His caramel-colored skin and loose and profuse sandy brown curls are a perfect blend of my husband and me.
"What if I was on a bus though, would I have to sit with the white people or the brown people?"
"Uhhh," I admit, I fumbled for words. He's five years old. I want to protect him from the ugliness of racism.
But I don't want to lie to him as there's no stronger weapon against racism and other ignorance than the truth. But, really, he's five. It's not like it's time to have The Talk, which for generations has been a rite of passage for many brown boys.
Thankfully, my husband came to the rescue.
"Well then, we'd move to Norway!"
The conversation then moved elsewhere, but inside I wondered. Why had I stalled? I'm a parent who prides herself on her candid and honest relationship with her kids. Why did I fumble to tell my baby had he *been* born in another time he'd be in the back of the bus with his mama?
I'm not ashamed of our history. Quite the opposite, in fact. But there's something about telling your child that he was viewed/could be still viewed as a second-class citizen. I never want him to feel "less than," but I also want him to know of his rich history, both the African-American and the Norwegian.
Later that evening, unsatisfied with how I handled it, I brought up the issue again.
"Remember when we were talking about segregation and you asked me if you would sit in the front of the bus or in the back of the bus?"
He nodded.
"You'd be in the back with mama."
His eyes widened.
The words spilled out: "But that's only because of those old rules. What really matters about a person is what's in his heart and in his mind. The color of their skin doesn't matter. We all just have to be good to each other and know that as long as you put in the hard work, you really can do whatever you want. I mean, look, Barack Obama would have been sitting in the back of the bus with you and your mama."
His eyes widened again.
"But now, because of people like Martin Luther King, those rules have changed."
Then to drive home the point, I used the six-lettered s-word in our home that is considered profane.
"And besides, those rules were really, really stupid."
This was originally posted on http://sheswrite.net
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Young people of color have to develop a healthy racial/ethnic/cultural identity. Young white people should, too. And the first step is for their parents to let them know that it's okay to talk about race.
Teaching your little boy about black history is a way for him to honour his past and recognise the contributions that Africans and black Americans have made to the arts and sciences, politics, history, entertainment, sports, literature, and a myriad of other fields. He should know that in spite of what people of colour have endured, nothing can hold him back from what he wants to accomplish in life.
Biracial children who have open, honest discussions about race tend to be more self-confident, aware, and comfortable in their own skin...I'm proud to say that my siblings and I fall in this category. Don't be afraid to initiate conversations and expose him to literature on the topic. Trying to hide the realities of race from him will not make them go away, but he will appreciate knowing his history and understanding how to navigate through life as a young man of colour.
Later that night he and my mom told us about slavery and Kennedy and how SOME people thought that darker skinned people were not as smart, but that that was a crazy way to think because complextion didnt make you smart. Studying did. Just do good in school and stay out of trouble. My parents never told us what we couldnt do because in their eyes we SHOULD be able to do anything. They always said that there would be people who would stare, (whenever we went out people stared) because we were all so beautiful.
ESV / 59 helpful votes
Train up a child in the way he should go; even when he is old he will not depart from it.
2 Timothy 3:14-15
ESV / 32 helpful votes
But as for you, continue in what you have learned and have firmly
believed, knowing from whom you learned it and how from childhood you
have been acquainted with the sacred writings, which are able to make
you wise for salvation through faith in Christ Jesus.
Luke 18:16
ESV / 29 helpful votes
But Jesus called them to him, saying, “Let the children come to me,
and do not hinder them, for to such belongs the kingdom of God.
Ephesians 6:4
ESV / 26 helpful votes
Fathers, do not provoke your children to anger, but bring them up in the discipline and instruction of the Lord.
Ephesians 6:2
ESV / 17 helpful votes
“Honor your father and mother” (this is the first commandment with a promise),