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The Winter of Our Self-Doubt: Writing, Solitude, and Companionship

Posted: 02/09/10 01:45 PM ET

After a decade in Tokyo, I left in 2002 for a writing residency at Interlochen Arts Academy in rural northern Michigan. A campus maintenance worker met me at the Traverse City airport in an old school van. As we drove through the woods, we talked about winters of the northern tundra. She advised me to stock my cupboards and bookshelves for the long, silent months of snow. I appreciated her words on furnishing solitude with nourishment and pleasure--for reasons beyond contemplative hibernation. The arrival of cold seasons is not always heralded merely by calendar. My marriage in Japan had grown lonely, and was nearing its end.

That winter, I walked along the lakeshore, where the snow turned blue in the dusk, and fishing shanties dotted the ice. In a barely insulated, former summer music-camp cabin at night, I chopped onions and root vegetables for the soup pot, and lit candles at my table for one. Sometimes, I drank too much red wine. And yes, I wrote. I learned how to live alone again in that cabin, until one semester stretched into two years. In the process, I reckoned with the fact that one must not just tolerate solitude to write; one must make friends with it.

No matter how I cultivated the fine arts of nesting, however, I grappled with self-doubt that can shadow protracted periods of monologue. When no reply comes, one's voice may falter in the stillness. In Building the Cold From Memory, northern Michigan novelist/poet Jack Driscoll describes the winter nightscape stranded on an uneasy edge between tranquility and abandonment:

For now the wind will sort out its missing gloves
and hold the barn door hinges silent for a while.
If we listen
our fathers might drag a block of ice for the last time
on a sled.

That's enough to begin.
Even without the stars
someone keeps ringing a heavy bell,
the distant voice of a buoy praying on the far
shore.

In seclusion, my self-doubt often became a preemptive censor that scorned and rejected sentences before they could reach the page. Then the quiet felt as mute and lost as those missing gloves. On frozen weekends, I drove a half-hour into town, where I sat with the newspaper in a coffee shop, to eavesdrop on strangers' conversations, and discuss severe weather with the cashier-- just to hear the voices of others.

Regardless of climate conditions or place, in a writing life, two yearnings can feel both urgent and in conflict: to possess sufficient time to oneself, and to exist in community. Companionship is so crucial to our sense of well-being that solitary confinement has historically been considered extreme punishment, and more recently, debated as a form of torture. In Conversation: A History of a Declining Art, Stephen Miller notes how 18th century Scottish philosopher David Hume and many of his contemporaries believed that neglecting the craft of conversation would risk violent civil discord in Britain. After all, when we fail to engage each other with words, chaos often ensues; the collapse or lack of negotiation has preceded countless wars, whether between spouses or nations.

Real dialogue is predicated upon the capacity for empathy: the will to hear and respond to another's experience and perceptions--and thus, to acknowledge the fundamental humanity of an other. As an act of mutual inquiry, conversation expands our awareness of what Hume called "the conversible world" beyond the self. At its best, writing creates that intimate connection with a reader. When it succeeds, both writer and reader are less alone.

As Jack Driscoll told me recently: "Maybe turning toward each other is art's function." Snowed in again last weekend, I'd called Jack to ask about Twin Sons of Different Mirrors, a poetry collection written in dialogue with his friend, poet Bill Meissner. For ten years, Driscoll and Meissner exchanged envelopes containing two lines of poetry at a time between their homes in Michigan and Minnesota. Their words traveled via US Postal Service (this was the pre-internet era), and when the collection was eventually complete, neither writer remembered who had begun or ended each poem.

A conversation's outcome is the shared responsibility of its participants. As a result, for Jack, writing poetry as dialogue dismantled the skeptical self-consciousness that muscles in, ruthlessly, to subdue the human imagination. "The poem was never mine nor Bill's--" Jack says, "and so we never spent time fighting that internal censor whose job it is to doubt and scold, and remind us that we may not, in fact, be ready to engage this impossible passion called writing." The correspondence in poetry helped Jack through ten hard winters in snow country, while his own work was unfurling between poems and short stories, finally, to novels.

Collaboration yielded insights about the revision process as well, he recalls: "It taught me not to be embarrassed...or to edit myself prematurely, to grow too timid or tidy. I mean, really, wasn't it all Bill's fault for feeding me those crazy lines? We went with what we were given, and it freed us up to speak in ways unanticipated, ways that helped me later to relax more when I returned to my own poems and stories."

Emerging writers often fixate on the cultivation of their distinctive, individual voice. What strikes me about Twin Sons is the seamless quality of these poems--written by two writers, early in their careers, practicing conversation in its most attentive, authentic form: without insistence on scoring points, or raising the volume of one's own voice, but instead discovering something together. That kind of conversation makes us feel profoundly connected, and ultimately, it girds us with the essential courage for those things that we must do alone.

My next post here will delve into several other books (both prose and poetry) written in conversation. I'll also explore ways to practice writing in dialogue--not just to survive the depth of winter, but to navigate any season or any place where creative companionship is needed.

 
 
 
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05:57 AM on 02/12/2010
There is such a depth and beauty to your writing, Melanie. It is always intellectually stimulating yet so compassionate. I find your words of wisdom so inspiring. There is also a quietness about your writing that forces me to slow down and, as you might say, pay attention. My world is internally and externally hectic so it's good to have this balm for the soul. I hope you will one day produce a collection of these posts. I, for one, will buy the book!

Please do send me occassional reminders of your blog posts as I have to admit that due to the busyness of my life I don't check.
09:10 AM on 02/11/2010
I look forward to Melanie's articles. The topics are always interesting and I get totally immersed in
them. Loved the latest!
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Melanie Drane
10:50 AM on 02/11/2010
Thanks for your warm words, Griffin!
04:56 PM on 02/10/2010
Melanie, You've triggered so many thoughts almost simultaneously. But beginning to teach Catcher as Salinger's death made the Obit's, presses Salinger to my forefront. His self exile from the world outside his town of Cornish, NH, yet still (supposedly) writing and not seeking even a distant communication through his art branches from your words about writing and solitude. It feeds my curiousity about whether Salinger continued to attempt to write works of art. By that I mean are there novels, short stories, essays, ... or just piles of random writings in that room size vault I've read about. And assuming there are other books, will they ever see the printing press?
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Melanie Drane
10:48 AM on 02/11/2010
Salinger is an inevitable consideration when discussing creativity, solitude, and community. Two thoughts: 1) It seems he did not eschew community, but rather, celebrity. Had he not retreated, he would have grappled with exposure, intrusion, and public projection that can annihilate the private, creative self. As private as he sought to be, he still faced this issue. Yet according to neighbors, he was "not a recluse...but a townsperson," attending church suppers and chatting in the coffee shop. ("J. D. Salinger a Recluse? Well, Not to His Neighbors," 1/31/10, NYT). The town was protective of him, as the article notes: "after his death, his neighbors would not talk about him, reflecting what one called “the code of the hills.”

2) What constitutes a "fruitful" writing life? Is it measured by output volume or recognition? Is it enough to have a small body of work that moves others deeply? Or to write for the desk drawer, and occasionally publish a poem or story? Or not publish at all, but to read to a loved one? This can be defined in more than one way: the market can tell us in profit terms what amounts to a meaningful career. We can also turn inward, and ask: did this book/poem/story add to my understanding of what it is to do justice to a human life? You must have much to discuss with your classes. Lucky you! And lucky them.
12:59 PM on 02/10/2010
And there are those of us who find solitary confinement in the presence of members of our own species. When we are "alone" in those places in which many find "nothing": dirt roads in the desert, basalt outcroppings, off-trail in country in which the only others are non-human, only in those places do we feel kinship and comfort. We write from those rooms in the greater home.

Many women writers of my generation went to solitude - willingly, voluntarily, joyfully. We came into connection with that which sustains. After that, we were home everywhere.
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Melanie Drane
02:22 PM on 02/10/2010
Graylight, I feel your words keenly. Thank you for drawing this distinction. Connection to place, specifically to the natural world, is crucial to the most powerful sense of home. When I saw the NYT Sunday Magazine article (a week ago) about whether an environmental unconscious exists, I thought to myself: that we need to ask this question shows how profound an estrangement occurred in the industrial era. In that piece, Prof. Glenn Albrecht says: "People have heart's ease when they're on their own country. If you force them off that country..away from their land, they feel the loss of heart's ease as a kind of vertigo, a disintegration of their whole life."

Among my favorite related books is environmentalist Stephanie Mill's wonderful "Epicurean Simplicity," in which, among other things, she addresses the accessible joys that cost nothing: a walk in the woods; or the discovery of an unfamiliar but perfect word. Mills, like Driscoll, is at home in the woods of northern Michigan. Returning to rural northern MI after 10 years in the densely urban crush of Tokyo was also a homecoming for me. Imagine that first scent of wild mint underfoot in the lake-shore mud, after years of walking on dead concrete.
09:36 PM on 02/18/2010
Melanie, this past residency at MFA Solstice, I had my poetry workshop try an in-class assignment prompted by your November ""There is a Crack in Everything; That's How the light Gets in." The students loved it.

I, too, welcome Jack Driscoll's excerpted lines. They are so powerful. To my mind, Jack owns the "novel-poem" It's a rare line of his prose that in some way couldn't blossom into a poem.

You quote Albrecht's conviction that people have their heart's ease when they're on their country. I think about this while returning to that powerful image in Jack's poem about the father dragging the block of ice on a sled. I wonder -- what was the equivalent of that for my parents? They were isolated, displaced. Without realizing it, they turned their life into one of daily figure-making (metaphor/simile.) For example, I recall my mother dragging a table out to the middle of our snow-covered ten acres in winter so that we could eat there, feeling nothing but the hunger of mid-January barren trees and silenced scrub pines around us. Everything had to, in some way, point back to another time, another place. I didn't understand then -- I just assumed they (particularly my mother) were theatrical beings -- constantly creating new frames for us to step into, to inhabit. But now I understand the process as living metaphor. It saved my parents when they needed to feel the drag of that heavy sled behind them.
07:21 PM on 02/09/2010
In response to "Real dialogue is predicated upon the capacity for empathy: the will to hear and respond to another's experience and perceptions -- and thus, to acknowledge the fundamental humanity of an other."

Is it possible that the writer ends up being alone in the first place, because they do not find that "capacity for empathy"? or better, do not find the "will to hear and respond"?
Because to respond, there must be a connection - there must be some shared knowledge, known or unknown.
Not odd then that Jack and Bill corresponded - seems likely that the would have something shared.

Odd is, that great solitary writers, even though they could not relate to the very persons they loved the most, and were indeed shunned by their society, ended in the broadest of all imaginable connections. I'm thinking of someone like Proust - an enigma, to say the least. But how many people he reached, from his solitude.
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Melanie Drane
02:48 PM on 02/10/2010
kc0olm, thank you for this comment. I will never undervalue the gifts of solitude; and I believe that engaging solitude as a hospitable state to creativity, reflection, spirit, and discovery renders one more richly resourced—in self, but as a companion as well. It is true that creative overtures beyond oneself are not always recognized, heard, or reciprocated. Yet as Jack Driscoll mentioned to me when we spoke about creative community: When you write, you are in fact in conversation with every other writer who preceded you. We respond (whether implicitly or with direct acknowledgement) to our antecedents. During some of the greatest isolation in my writing life, I found enormous solace in translating literature—which involves the act of listening as closely and tenderly as possible, almost crawling inside the words of another. So you are right to point out how many people can be reached, by the creative work done in solitude. BTW: I'm delighted for the stimulation of these comments, and the dialogue that they have yielded.
06:52 PM on 02/09/2010
Beautifully said, Melanie. As you know, the key to the creative conversation is not so much corresponding ideas--disagreement can and sometimes should be a part of that conversation--but rather a sympathetic mindset, a respect, and often, a deep and abiding affection. I am fortunate in my writing life to have found that with many people; knowing they are but a phone call, an e-mail or a postcard away, makes the solitary nature of the work bearable.
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Melanie Drane
02:58 PM on 02/10/2010
AnneB34, Your words remind me of Jeremy Rifkind's discussion of "Empathic Civilzation": "When we talk about civility, we are really talking about empathy: the willingness to listen to another's point of view, to put one's self in another's shoes and to emotionally and cognitively experience what they are feeling and thinking." It is possible to engage this way even amidst disagreement, or perhaps precisely then does it become vital! You are lucky to have allies in your writing life. In my own experience, a good MFA environment can yield exactly such a sense of lively community, one that lasts (even long distance) beyond graduation, and becomes a sustained conversation among people who are curious and passionate about similar questions. By the way: my next post here will address (among other things) poems written and exchanged on postcards. Thanks for your note!