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Penn State: Is Our Loyalty With Sports Teams or Abuse Victims?

Posted: 11/15/11 11:01 AM ET

Jerry Sandusky's arraignment on 40 criminal counts, including indictment on dozens of counts of child sexual abuse has rocked the sports world and the Penn State community. Yet as shocking as the news out of Happy Valley is, the most horrific part is not just what happened to those kids, but how easily the "next one" could have been saved.

The group of people who could have changed the fate of future victims was large enough to have made a difference. If Joe Paterno, Mike McQueary, Graham Spanier, former athletic director Tim Curley OR former vice president Gary Schultz had reported what was graphically witnessed, a monster may have been take off the streets much sooner. Instead the decision was made to simply restrict kids from Sandusky's charity from visiting the football building. No calls to 911 were made; the police were not notified and a monster remained on the streets to victimize kids for another nine years.

The obvious question here is why? The answer speaks to something much more covert going on. Did the five men involved in the cover-up really think that taking away the "location" would stop Sandusky's reprehensible behavior? That's like saying if you stop bringing vodka home the alcoholic will be cured. What about all of the other places in the world where booze can be found? Let alone all the little kids.

Fear and loyalty are a deadly mix when it comes to breaking out of a comfort zone and doing "the right thing" -- in this case, the two worked together to create a miserable mix of cover-ups, ongoing, preventable abuse and deceit. The actions taken by those people who had a chance to make an impact were so limited that it speaks to a ripple of tragedies in this tsunami. As reporters and the public start to make sense of what has happened, a few things are starting to add up.

Andy Staples, journalist at Sports Illustrated had this to say:

From the information contained in a grand jury presentment released Saturday, several powerful people at Penn State appeared to worry more about the brand of the football team than about the safety of a child... That is inexcusable, and it speaks to a need to change the power structure and the culture at Penn State. For too long, the school and the athletic department have felt they didn't need to answer to anyone. Now, the Pennsylvania attorney general's office and the U.S. Department of Education will come in asking questions the administration can't ignore. People will be held accountable. The findings to come could be ugly, but sunshine doesn't only light the darkest recesses. It also helps heal."

Ph.D. therapist and couples expert Dr. Tammy Nelson offered this:

Let's face it folks. This isn't about football or coaches or who you like better. The Penn State scandal is about what happened to those young boys in the shower stall. The horror of those 'alleged' moments is almost lost in the uproar and focus over the shakeup of an historical and cultural mob mentality that ignores the small and crushes the weak.

Even in the media coverage of the recent shakeup at the college the focus has been on the loving and loyal connection to the old guard football legends of coaching at Penn State. We ignore the victims of the abuse by a coach who was accused 18 times of abusing young boys and instead hear interviews and news coverage of nostalgia for the good old boy/good old days. That type of loyalty to the team spirit could have and should have kept all the team players safe and protected instead of throwing the weak and vulnerable to the wolves for the sake of the big game.

When asked what was necessary for Mike to go beyond reporting the incident to Joe Paterno, Mary Jo Rapini, counselor and Fox News contributor offered this:

In this case, the gentleman who first witnessed it needed to be able to see himself as the victim and honor what he would want someone to do for him. My guess is, what he saw may have been too traumatic and he was overcome with fear. He may have reached out to his mentor, [dad] and whoever that person was or guided him to do could have changed history. There is a very critical lesson for all of us within this story. We must begin speaking out no matter how powerful the players may be. The boy in the shower with Sandusky had no voice, and at that point we must be able to be the voice for the victim. The honor code for any boy to grow up and be stoic and 'take it' only perpetuates abuse.

When asked why Mike McQueary didn't come forth sooner, Trudy Johnson, therapist and author offered this:

Misplaced loyalty is often because a person has developed a trauma bond relationship and become loyal, attached or even supportive of a person who is manipulative, exploitative, abusive or toxic. This can be a powerful attachment that requires the trauma-bonded person to 'keep secrets.' The secrets being kept are the powerful force that keeps the person in bondage. Typically, a trauma bond relationship is applicable to sexually abused persons. They are traumatized by the horrible secret and are required or exploited by threats of breaking the secret. The power is in the secret.

The good-ol-boys network at Penn State was incredibly powerful at keeping secrets. But as secrets go, once they begin unraveling, it's a matter of time before the truth fully emerges. What we know, finally, is that Mr. Sandusky's secret is out. The people who were players in this coverup are being accused and held accountable, and that is the first step in healing.

The bottom line is this: Organizations that perpetuate secret keeping and loyalty of this nature have the potential to hurt thousands of people. The ripple in the pond around the cover-up, the discovery and the consequences have affected people who have past and current relationships with Penn State, those affected by sexual abuse, and raises the hair on the back of every parent's neck I know.

We cannot let this happen again. Our kids, all of our kids, deserve better.

And I'm with Andy about Joe Paterno's last comment, "and pray a little bit for those victims." No Joe, don't pray a little, pray a whole lot for them. A whole heck of a lot.

 

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03:56 PM on 11/16/2011
Great Article Melanie. This episode is simply an indication of a bigger problem in society. Too many people are concerned with covering their own asses and doing what is best for themselves than they are about doing what is morally and ethically right.

The fact that college football and all those associated with it are more concerned about winning, Statues and revenue is nothing new. The unfortunate part is that a myriad of boys ahd to lose their innocence because of the actions of this person.

That is the true tragedy. Penn State will line up its high priced attorneys, go to court and ultimately pay financial restitution (probably in out of court settlements) to the victims but until each and every one of us steps up to the plate and acts responsible and holds our neighbor to the same level of behavior I am afraid that there will be another Penn State/Jerry Sandusky episode somewhere down the road.

The key question is not how to stop these incidents but how we can put measures in place to prevent them from happening again.
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Veronica Monet
Couples Consultant and Sexologist
09:31 PM on 11/15/2011
It is imperative that we find our outrage and translate that into positive action whenever a child is abused, sexually or otherwise. And we must remember that most child molestation occurs in the home and is perpetrated by parents of both genders as well as close and trusted relatives. I grew up in a family of pedophiles. They never preyed upon strangers. The preferred their own flesh and blood. Unfortunately, my case is not isolated and we need to ensure that our own families are not exempt from the kind of scrutiny we insist upon for coaches and clerics.
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John Bobrowski
02:35 PM on 11/16/2011
I did not grow up with pedophiles -- but I agree that protecting children from abuase is of utmost important -- both within and outside of their families.

An initiative for the states to do some effective screening -- certainly of physical abuse and possibly also of emotional abuse -- would be welcome and hard for "family values" people to condemn.

The cost to the individuals and society of child abuse -- and its tendency to span generations -- suggest that the cost of these efforts would be well worth the expense.
09:16 PM on 11/15/2011
Excellent post. Your metaphor about alcohol sums it up perfectly. People who actively abuse innocent children obviously won't stop just because of restricted access in one location. Those in power at Penn State were living in a fantasy in which their power on the field gave them the power to solve this problem according to their own pathological rules. What a disgrace.
01:18 PM on 11/30/2011
Disagree.

What Penn State did is pretty typical of how institutions and bureaucracies deal with problems. That is the institution is more important than any of the people within it....or who come into contact with it.

....and "duty to the institution" allows those involved to rationalize amoral or even immoral behavior in defense of it.

So Penn State simply responded to this situation like it would anything else that posed a threat to the university, or to the stature of the football program and its success as a revenue source of the institution...

...they acted to defend the institution.

...and ignored their moral responsibility to protect children from criminal victimization.

It is a classic example of how otherwise-reasonable-people can do horrible things when acting as part of a group or institution that has lost its moral compass...or feels no need to concern itself with the morality of its actions (corporations).
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bobbip
Dating and Relationship Coach for Women over 40
08:58 PM on 11/15/2011
Great article Melanie. I think that our (obnoxious) loyalty to sports in our country has multiple sides. 1) the nice sense of "us-ness" it creates among fans, 2) the entertainment value that allows some to escape from real challenges and problems; and, 3) the most influential side, the vast amount of money and power it creates for select people. I really believe that's why nothing was done. Our values are so mucked up. Thanks for this incredibly thoughtful article.
04:16 PM on 11/15/2011
Hi Melanie - Glad you wrote this blog post. The information about trauma bond and secrecy is terrific. (I wanted to write one of my own abt this topic for my own blog but I am very busy with clinical work lately....a good thing! ) I am sad to hear of yet another example of child abuse showing up in the USA news. This is on the heels of the video released by the judge's daughter. It is appalling to me how misguided many people are about the definition of child abuse. I was taken aback by the amount of ppl who thought the judge's behavior on the video was ok. I was also taken aback by the rioting at the college for J. Paterno. Do we not as a society understand what child abuse is? Creating a baseline understanding of that is needed. And then teaching in plain terms what the steps are to take once the abuse is made known. As a mandated reporter, I am educated, I know the steps. Perhaps we all need to be educated in a very direct way about what child abuse is and what to do. Call the police. Call DYFS/CPS. Protect the child from physical harm. That is what you do.
03:27 PM on 11/15/2011
This whole thing is sickening, and those who didn't report it are just as guilty. Absolutely disgraceful how corrupt football has come to be.
02:38 PM on 11/15/2011
Thanks for bringing all this to light, Melanie. An EVEN a more bottom-line concern for us humans that we haven't much discussed is the matter of operating on the basis of Principle instead of "Personality." Most people operate on the basis of Personality. We say "Because you're part of our football team, I'll allow you this...." or "Because we're trying to build a brand and following, we'll pretend this didn't happen." Mother Nature operates on the basis of Principle. If you are walking in the woods and stop under a tree dropping its branch, the tree doesn't say "Oh, it's you! Because it's you, I won't drop my branch!" We seem sometimes limited in realizing our need to take a cue from Mother Nature and operate on the basis of Principle. What we do for one person, we must be willing to do for all. Then we'll say "Regardless of how long I've known you or the brand of the team, I'll protect this--and all--young, defenseless child(ren) because that's the job of responsible adults." As a childhood victim of emotional, physical and sexual abuse, I learned that abusers seldom even REMEMBER incidents of abuse, and certainly don't see themselves as perpetrators (think Clarence Thomas). If we all follow Principle and live Responsibly, we would be present in our Present, making this scenario unthinkable. Let's re-think the "ethics" and "morals" we follow and teach.
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Melanie Gorman
05:29 PM on 11/15/2011
I love your comments and agree fully. I think we have to think more about our interconnectedness to each other and how powerful that is to our communities/world if we ever want to change things like this from happening. The ripple in the pond of trauma and pain when we don't is more profound that we can ever know. Thank you for posting.
06:48 PM on 11/15/2011
I'm glad you agree, Melanie. I think this is absolutely VITAL, and now!!! We need to move to a model of "choosing love," which means we make LOVE the most important principle in our daily and earthly lives. Thanks for offering a forum for this. Ilene Dillon, MSW, aka The Emotional Pro
01:49 PM on 11/15/2011
The more I read about this the more I believe there are more adults involved in the abuse of children . Since it seems Sandusky started the second mile foundation to form a pool of children to pick from, doesn't it make sense that he would make sure he had people who were sympathedic to pedaphilia . The owner of the campground that rented it out to the second mile saw counselors cross dressing and taking down shower dividers . These things are done with full cooperation of all counselors . The judge giving him a low bond payable only if he doesn't show at court is lie being released with no bail .Is she complicite in all of this. She was involved with the foundation . I'm thinking pedaphile ring . This needs a federal investigation and I think this is going to get huge.
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Pod-gers
Jeremy Lin = Game Change
01:12 PM on 11/15/2011
One can be loyal to one's "team" AND be loyal to the innocence of children. Why in the world would it be either-or?
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Melanie Gorman
01:46 PM on 11/15/2011
I totally agree which is part of what makes all of this so sad.
12:28 PM on 11/15/2011
Everyone who knew about the abuse is guilty. As for McQuery being too traumatized or shocked to take immediate action- I don't believe it. If I or any member of my family walked into our job after hours and saw a boy being raped by an adult man, I don't care if it was the president of the company, I am absolutely sure that our first action would be to get the guy thrown to the ground, then to take that poor kid and say, "let's call the police right now.This is a bad man and I'm going to help you" . Not because we are such better people that McQuery and his ilk- but because he and Paterno and the others at Penn have proved that they are WORSE people.

McQuery was able to attend meetings with Paterno, Curley, the head of campus police, and lawyers the following week- and he came out of it with a very valuable coaching position at Penn State. Sandusky was fired- but he was allowed to maintain an office in the athletic department. He was seen bringing another little boy to the Penn State locker room as recently as 2007. Now of course, he has lawyered up and they are making these child victims out to be unreliable witnesses and saying it was just horseplay and he 'accidentally' rubbed his genitals on boys. I'm a huge football fan, but some things are just more important than football and a fake reputation.
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Melanie Gorman
01:52 PM on 11/15/2011
My husband said to me that a 6'5" man would have done one of two things at witnessing the incident: stopped it or gotten the police to stop it. If Mike M. was traumatized and incapable of doing something, there's still the position of getting campus security to do the work he couldn't do. It make no sense to me that nothing police-wise happened. Talk about an epic failure. The people who are investigating this case now need to protect those children not victimize them more by shaming and blaming them for Sandusky's behavior. And who accidentally rubs their genitals on another person? Unreal.
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Melanie Gorman
07:34 PM on 11/15/2011
My hubby just let me know that comment came from John Stewart, just to give credit where credit is due!
12:24 PM on 11/16/2011
I don't know how height would make a difference. I am not a tall man, but I know what I would have done in that situation.
12:15 PM on 11/15/2011
Great article, good points well said.
12:06 PM on 11/15/2011
What happend to the original prosecutor? He's missing. I know. He' dead,murdered.

http://www.huntingtonnews.net/13183