College-educated women, as much as you may want children, you're not having them when the Census Bureau thinks you should, and it's your fault.
You went to college. You got an education. You went to work so that you could support yourself. And because of that, they're going to point a finger at your uterus and say: "Delayer."
Any woman who didn't have a child by the time she hit 30 used to be called a "career woman" until someone knocked on 2011's door and said that careers for single women, even married women, even moms, are not so much of a choice these days.
So now you've got a new name: 'delayer." "Women with a college degree are experiencing a "delayer boom," the Census Bureau states in a report, "giving birth at a later age than other women but still having fewer children overall by the end of their childbearing years."
Yes, we're having children later, if at all -- 18 percent of American women are not moms by age 44. We're having fewer children when we do -- 1.7 children on average for college grads, not the 2.5 children those who never graduated high school are having.
Data is data, but is the qualitative conclusion that women are 'delaying' having children a fair presumption? The word 'delay' implies it's an active decision, and not one with positive implications. The term is blameful of women who get a college degree, slicing the entire female demo into what may feel like good vs evil: those who have children at what is deemed a normal age (relative to a generation ago) and those who 'delay' having children.
My experience tells me there is something else going on behind this trend, something that is actually good for men, women and the families they may build together. Most women I've encountered are waiting for love. And love may be harder to find these days.
About half the workforce is now made up of women and so we're no longer looking for a man to replace our dad's financial support like many women did even a generation ago. And the guys know that. You know the old adage -- men are looking to marry (women like) their mothers, and we've come a long way, baby. Many who grew up in the 70s and even 80s had stay-at-home-moms (who were also stay-at-home-wives). And while women are still earning only 75 cents on the professional male dollar in most sectors, some men feel like they can no longer play the role their dad's played in household. That makes college-educated women earning a good living less attractive to these guys. And many of these women are looking for men who are a match to their education and career.
Still, the women I know want the family their moms had, and they never dreamed that getting a college education and a job would inhibit that. While there are many women and couples who are childfree by choice, many of the 24 percent of American women who remain childless on their 30th birthday may be grieving. By the time we're 40, almost a fifth of American women remain childless and we certainly can't presume at this point they are still 'delaying' pregnancy, can we?
The federal government's blame-name-calling needs to stop. We're not spinsters. We're not career women. And we're not delayers.
We're college-educated professional women who are simply waiting for love. And we all hope it comes soon.
Melanie Notkin is the founder of Savvy Auntie, the lifestyle brand for PANKs(R) - Professional Aunts, No Kids.
Follow Melanie Notkin on Twitter: www.twitter.com/savvyauntie
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In my opinion, we need to do a better job of educating women about the reality of their child bearing cycle. Like the unatainable supermodel image, women are bombarded with stories of celebrities having a first child in their 40s. While not impossible, in reality it is far from likely.
As a society, we need to have more flexible career choices available. Currently, college graduates of both genders are expected to immediately embark on their careers, gain experience and move up the career ladder. Women should feel free to leave this path in order to start a family, knowing that they would be able to rejoin at a time of their choosing.
In contrast to your 2nd sentence, there's a problem that women are STILL being 'forced' into having children by social pressure, from family, friends, the media etc. but these are people who don't want children. Good example is the headline that 'Lady Gaga is refreshingly normal' all because she wants to have children! Why should the media be allowed to chip away at people's self-confidence telling them having children is 'normal' and not wanting them is (by implication) 'abnormal'? All that matters is whether you want them or not. If you don't want them don't have them, if you do want them then give the matter some serious consideration and, all being good and well, go ahead.
Now there is more than one way to reach that 2.1 rate. If almost all women have at least 2 children, then very few would need to have 3 or more to reach 2.1. If a significant portion of women choose not to have children at all, say 20%, the remaining women would need to have an average of 2.65 children to reach the same 2.1 rate.
As for Mr Right, I already have my Mr Right, if he wanted children he would automatically be Mr Wrong.
Guess what power girls getting a man was something you should have prioritized a lot sooner. Men are important in your life and you need them to do very important things. After the whole women's empowerment movement the common sense stuff your grandma told you has not been proven false. The clock is ticking, get a man and make some babies. That is our natural duty to our ancestors who sure hope we keep breeding and not choose terminate branch on the family tree. Replacement levels is two children so if we don't want to burden our children with a massive generation of old people we ought to make enough of them to at least keep our social security funded.
Excellent article!
One day, a man showed up in my life. He wanted to marry me, have a family with me. We knew I was going to need to continue my career -- that was part of the agreement.
The right life partner is one of the most important decisions we have to make. Modern women control lots of things, but not control when Mr. Right shows up, nor his mood. He has a say in it too! And when we push for commitment when it's not there to be had, it rarely ends well. By and large, a man has to feel he's in the lead. And he can afford to delay. We cannot.
Today, I am 40, doing the crazy work/mom/wife juggle. It relies on a solid marital commitment. I have many girlfriends for whom Mr. Right hasn't shown up yet. They are no different from me.
So -- US Census Bureau: let's be fair here. Don't blame the women. Treasure our independent, educated women. Nudge the guys to step up to the plate.
Real men who love real women -- that's the goal.