As we shift from August to September, I can't help but dwell on the notion of my freedom -- and how utterly delicious it will soon be. But by the same token, I am also reminded of how horribly unprepared I am for all that heading back to school entails. My charges are no more equipped for the first day of second grade than I was for the first hour of motherhood. It's shameful, really. To date, I have amassed next to nothing in the realm of kid gear and gotta-have-it-garments for that special square on our calendar. The square now gloriously bedecked with stickers and giddified messages like, "The BIG Day!" and "Yea! The first day of SCHOOOOOOL!!"
If I had my druthers, another 30-day chunk of time would be added to the year, smartly sandwiched between the eighth and ninth months. Say, "Augustember," or "Pause" (which would be more of a directive than anything). We march into spring; why not pause before forging headlong into fall? Such a godsend would give people like me time to breathe, time to warm up to the idea of letting summer go, time to rummage around for the soccer cleats that by now probably don't fit anyone anyway.
I've never been one to embrace change. More often than not (and if all is well), I like things just the way they are -- the same. It's simply too much work to adapt to something slathered with newness. That being said, I abhor drastic transformations. Dead asleep to total wakefulness. The mildness of spring to the oppressiveness of summer. At the lake. In the lake. Not pregnant. Pregnant. I need generous windows of transition for such things. Time to adjust. Time to switch gears. Time to brace myself for the tsunami-sized wave of change sure to thrust me forward -- ready or not.
While it's true we are on the cusp of yet another promising school year with its sharpened pencils, bright yellow buses and characteristic swirl of excitement enveloping virtually everything and everyone in its path, part of my joy is swallowed up because of what and whom I must become as a result. The bedtime enforcer. The tyrant of tuck-ins. It's a brutal role of parenthood and one I hate with a passion.
I much prefer gathering my wily charges in from the great outdoors long after the brilliant clouds of pink, orange and crimson have faded to plum, gray and eventually an inky blue-black. There is much to relish between dusk and darkness, when the moon hangs clear and bright, begging to be plucked from the sky and the stars greet the earth one by one, gradually painting the heavens with a milky glow.
At once, the night air is filled with a symphony of crickets, peepers and barefoot children whacking at waffle balls, racing and chasing each other through the cool grass, already laden with dew. Shouts of "Marco... Polo! Marco... Polo!" emanate endlessly from the pool next door along with the muffled thwunks of cannonballs, instantly taking me back to my own youth -- the one where Frisbees were thrown until no one could see, where nails were hammered in forts till the woods grew thick with darkness and alive with mosquitoes, where Kool-Aid flowed freely, the pool beckoned and the rules for tag were rewritten more than once.
And all was well -- much like this good night.
Fireflies are everywhere now, hugging the trees and the darkest spots in the lawn, blinking here... and a moment later, there -- signaling would-be mates and captivating all who give chase with Hellmann's jars in hand. Add the crackle of a campfire, the sweet aroma of toasted marshmallows and the thrill of eavesdropping on children in the midst of any number of conversations and I'm perfectly content. It pains me to put an end to their fun. To rain on their parade. To say goodnight to the Big Dipper and to our constant companions -- the lightening bugs.
Naturally, my popularity wanes. Sleep, they must.
But in the end, all is forgiven. Tomorrow is a new day. And there will be more Augusts to savor and a lifetime of moments to give pause.
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Copyright 2008 Melinda L. Wentzel
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