THE BLOG

In Every Marriage Someone Is The Dream Maker And The Other Is The Dream Receiver

10/10/2012 02:14 pm ET | Updated Dec 10, 2012

Here I am in my marriage -- and I think I'm finally getting it -- the fact that both my husband and I CANNOT be the dream receivers simultaneously. What is a dream receiver you ask? It's the person in the marriage/relationship who gets to live out their dream, their fantasy.

The dream receiver, gets to go outside their home -- and be applauded and recognized by someone other than the little people they're raising. This dream receiver gets to have adult stimulation, conversation, interaction -- gets to take a stab at grabbing that proverbial brass ring. He/she gets to have other adults (who are not part of their blood line) tell them how great, or miserably, they're doing at reaching their goal. The main point being that they get to exercise their brain power and critical thinking beyond timing the chicken nuggets to coincide with the pasta and make sure they strain the pulp out the orange juice so that the little people they live with do not stage a mutiny.

And then there's the dream maker -- he or she is the one who makes it all possible for the dream receiver in the relationship to get his/her said dream and live out that fantasy. The dream maker is the one who cleans toilets so that the dream receiver does not feel as though they're entering a lion's den upon sitting on the toilet, they make sure the bills are paid -- so that there's electricity to illuminate the rooms for the dream getter -- to create those "deals and get cooking" and takes care of those little people so that they're feeling content enough to allow the dream getter to reap love and encouragement and all the good stuff those little people presiding in the house can provide when well-fed and clothed.

But right now the lines are blurred. When I met my husband I was more than content to be the dream maker; I was going to be that wife who made it possible for him to embody his role as dream getter. Except seven years ago he lost his dream, and now it's sort of up on the air and the pursuance of a dream is anyone's for the taking. Yet each time I think I'm ready to grab for it, I wonder, if there's anything I really want more than just to be with those little people who live with me. And my husband... well he needs to find a new dream.

In your marriage are you the dream maker or the dream receiver and more importantly are you content in that role?