THE BLOG

Cult of Patriarchy

05/28/2015 10:22 am ET | Updated May 27, 2016

With the news of Josh Duggar admitting to having molested at least five girls, some of which were his siblings, there has been one glaring issue that I've seen.

His family, fans, and a politician have weighed in talking about how this was a 'teenage' mistake. (For the record? Skipping class, smoking, drinking, breaking curfew. THOSE are teenage mistakes. Notice molestation and incest aren't there.)

And that God challenged them.

They talk about how hard it is for Josh.

About his victims?

*crickets*

And that, folks, is EXACTLY the problem. That's EXACTLY how this whole horrific thing shakes out.

It's all about Josh.

Because he has a penis. And therefore, is valuable.

His victims? Meh, they're just girls.

That, in its essence, is the problem with what I think of as the Cult of Patriarchy. I'm talking the sort of crap spewed by Bill Gothard, Doug Phillips and others of their ilk. (The Duggars, btw, followed Gothard. Were 'personal friends' of his)

I'm talking about extremism here.

Personally, I don't give a fuzzy rat's behind if someone has a patriarchal marriage, and believe that the man is the head of the household. I don't care if both partners are firmly equals. I don't care if it's a matriarchal marriage, where the woman leads. If it works for you, and everyone is happy, healthy, and there's no abuse, have at it.

What I have a problem with is what's being shown by the current molestation news.

When men are so revered, and women blamed.

In a patriarchal cult situation, if a man cheats, it's his wife's fault. She wasn't keeping him sexually satisfied.

If he beats her, she wasn't submissive enough.

If a girl or woman is molested or raped, she was immodest, provocative.

I wish I was making this crap up, folks, but take a look at this link. It's about how to counsel victims of sexual assault.

I'll wait while you fight down the urge to vomit.

Then there's this article. About halfway down, you'll find mention of an older brother who was molesting siblings...and how it was the victims' fault, for not wearing towels, and young girls wearing dresses but not behaving properly.

Basically, it boils down to this: men are incapable of managing their behaviours. Therefore, it's always someone else's fault.

Oh, what's that, Gothard and Phillips? That's not at all what you mean?

I beg to differ.

By not making molesters, rapists, abusers responsible for their actions, by covering it up, by shaming and blaming the victims, that's EXACTLY what you're saying. You're saying that men are so weak, so easily led, so incapable of self managment that everyone else must do it for them.

That's the only way your whole thing can possibly work.

And that's how your Cult of Patriarchy falls apart, when a healthy individual looks at it, and calls it out for the extreme bullshit that it is.

By saying women and girls are responsible for tempting men, for being attacked by boys and men, you're saying that women are actually stronger than men. You're saying that, in reality, WOMEN are leading the households, because men can't be trusted to even control their base impulses. How the hell can a man, who can't possibly withstand not getting what he wants all the time, who is exposed to 'immodest dress' and cannot control his lust, be trusted to have any actual power or responsibilities in any way, shape, or form?

Cause guys, if a man can't even control his penis, how the hell can he manage anything at all?

As a wife and mother, I find this whole mindset disgusting. That Gothard and Phillips couch it in religious terms, to bring God into it, horrifies me.

Teaching males that they are to be revered, and if they commit acts of violence and abuse, it's the victim's fault.

And teaching females that they are to blame for everything that goes wrong. Submit and serve, that's what they're to do. Period.

Notice how no mention seems to be made about boys being assaulted? The shame and blame heaped on girls and women for being abused and assaulted, I can't imagine what happens to the boys who go through the same experiences.

Actually, that's not true. I can. And it's the stuff that nightmares are made of, and breaks my heart.

It's setting up a predator's paradise.

Considering that both Gothard and Phillips are being investigated for sexual abuse, seems like that was the true purpose all along.

And Josh Duggar was an apt pupil.

This post was originally featured on Not A Stepford Life