|
||
The Choice Is Ours Now
This is a message for my brothers and sisters who have fought so long and so hard for gay rights and liberty. We have spent a long time climbing up this mountain, looking at the impossible, changing a thousand year-old paradigm. We have asked for the right to love the human of our choice, and to be protected equally under the laws of this great country. The road at times has been so bloody, and so horrible, and so disheartening. From being blamed for 9/11 and Katrina, to hateful crimes committed against us, we are battle weary. We watched as our nation took a step in the right direction, against all odds and elected Barack Obama as our next leader. Then we were jerked back into the last century as we watched our rights taken away by prop 8 in California. Still sore and angry we felt another slap in the face as the man we helped get elected seemingly invited a gay-hater to address the world at his inauguration.
I hadn't heard of Pastor Rick Warren before all of this. When I heard the news, in its neat little sound bite form that we are so accustomed to, it painted the picture for me. This Pastor Rick must surely be one hate spouting, money grabbing, bad hair televangelist like all the others. He probably has his own gay little secret bathroom stall somewhere, you know. One more hater working up his congregation to hate the gays, comparing us to pedophiles and those who commit incest, blah blah blah. Same 'ole thing. Would I be boycotting the inauguration? Would we be marching again?
Well, I have to tell you my friends, the universe has a sense of humor and indeed works in mysterious ways. As I was winding down the promotion for my Christmas album I had one more stop last night. I'd agreed to play a song I'd written with my friend Salman Ahmed, a Sufi Muslim from Pakistan. The song is called "Ring The Bells," and it's a call for peace and unity in our world. We were going to perform our song for the Muslim Public Affairs Council, a group of Muslim Americans that tries to raise awareness in this country, and the world, about the majority of good, loving, Muslims. I was honored, considering some in the Muslim religion consider singing to be against God, while other Muslim countries have harsh penalties, even death for homosexuals. I felt it was a very brave gesture for them to make. I received a call the day before to inform me of the keynote speaker that night... Pastor Rick Warren. I was stunned. My fight or flight instinct took over, should I cancel? Then a calm voice inside me said, "Are you really about peace or not?"
I told my manager to reach out to Pastor Warren and say "In the spirit of unity I would like to talk to him." They gave him my phone number. On the day of the conference I received a call from Pastor Rick, and before I could say anything, he told me what a fan he was. He had most of my albums from the very first one. What? This didn't sound like a gay hater, much less a preacher. He explained in very thoughtful words that as a Christian he believed in equal rights for everyone. He believed every loving relationship should have equal protection. He struggled with proposition 8 because he didn't want to see marriage redefined as anything other than between a man and a woman. He said he regretted his choice of words in his video message to his congregation about proposition 8 when he mentioned pedophiles and those who commit incest. He said that in no way, is that how he thought about gays. He invited me to his church, I invited him to my home to meet my wife and kids. He told me of his wife's struggle with breast cancer just a year before mine.
When we met later that night, he entered the room with open arms and an open heart. We agreed to build bridges to the future.
Brothers and sisters the choice is ours now. We have the world's attention. We have the capability to create change, awesome change in this world, but before we change minds we must change hearts. Sure, there are plenty of hateful people who will always hold on to their bigotry like a child to a blanket. But there are also good people out there, Christian and otherwise that are beginning to listen. They don't hate us, they fear change. Maybe in our anger, as we consider marches and boycotts, perhaps we can consider stretching out our hands. Maybe instead of marching on his church, we can show up en mass and volunteer for one of the many organizations affiliated with his church that work for HIV/AIDS causes all around the world.
Maybe if they get to know us, they wont fear us.
I know, call me a dreamer, but I feel a new era is upon us.
I will be attending the inauguration with my family, and with hope in my heart. I know we are headed in the direction of marriage equality and equal protection for all families.
Happy Holidays my friends and a Happy New Year to you.
Peace on earth, goodwill toward all men and women... and everyone in-between.
Loading comments…
Want to reply to a comment? Hint: Click "Reply" at the bottom of the comment; after being approved your comment will appear directly underneath the comment you replied to
I wanted to say how much I liked this post. I was willing to accept Waren giving the Inaugural Invocation because I remember Obama saying in his victory speech that he would be the president of people who didn't agree with him, too. I liked that part of his speech. I think Rick Warren gave a wonderful invocation, though I really don't know alot about him as a person. Melissa, it sounds like you're reaching out, and you know what? I've never known that to be a bad thing.
It sounds like Rick Warren did a pretty good snow job on Melissa.
I understand her premise here and in a lot of ways I agree with her. But, I still think Obama made a mistake in allowing Rick Warren the kind of honor that is being bestowed on him.
We are a straight couple. We were at the event where Melissa and Rick Warren both were featured. At first, my girlfriend was hesitant to go because of Warren's appearance, but we decided to go for various reasons. He did come across as gracious and reasonable, nothing like what we thought he would be like before going.
But the bottom line is this: if you don't listen to someone, what chance do you have of understanding their position and perhaps changing their mind? If you are unwilling to listen, to forgive, and to try to effect change, then aren't you just legitimizing the status quo? Melissa did the right thing by appearing at the same event and opening a dialogue. Just like we did the right thing by attending the event and not rejecting it out of principle merely because there might have been some speakers whose philosophies with which we were likely to disagree.
Keep the lines of communication open, and there is an opportunity for change and understanding. Refuse even to listen or communicate, and you keep things just as they are. Unless you like the treatment of gays and lesbians in our society today, and think it does not need any evolution, you need to communicate with those like Warren who may start out intolerant or ignorant, try to enlighten them and accept the fact that you may also be enlightened in the process.
As a gay woman, I cannot even fathom the outrage over this gathering! Unless we as a community reach out to those who DO NOT AGREE WITH US we will end up with the same results as that attitude got George W. Bush over the last eight years. We will position ourselves to be more reviled, not less. We will be viewed as isolationists, not those who seek complete integration into the American community. We will be seen as arrogant, not humble. We only confirm the misbegotten image that we are the "other". Fundamentalist religious folk of any kind are not typically known for their embracing change in the world. If change is ever going to happen for us, it has to come FROM us. Thank you Melissa.
As a fellow LGBT, while i applaud your attempts at communication with Fundies Melissa, please do not expect the rest of us to go along with it. We have been slapped and kicked by the Right Wing Fundamentalists too often.
Dear Melissa,
I am an avid listener of The Randi Rhodes Show, so that was how I'd learned about the whole meeting-Rev.-Rick-Warren affair. Admittedly, I had myself not known a great deal about Reverend Warren. I knew he had made some disquieting remarks in the context of gay wedlock, etc and I had presumed he was just another bigot. No worries. Plenty of those around... Reverend Phelps being the most extreme of these, in the public arena.
However, as Mr. Warren had been selected by the President Elect for the inauguration invocation, I felt I had to take a step back and hold my judgment. I've been watching Mr. Obama from nearly the beginning, when he first came on the national political scene and have always been most impressed with him. It seemed quite clear, to me, that this man would not lightly make a selection for whom would perform the invocation on such an historical moment in American history. This person was carefully chosen in the spirit of President Elect Obama's all-inclusive "big tent," to use the phrase. From what I've here-read, and heard you say on Randi's show, just the other day, I'm pleased to see that my assumption seems to've been right.
Blessings to you for all that you do, my dear brave lady.
Dear Melissa,
I applaud you for trying to build bridges with people who hate gays, overemphasize biblical hatred about gays and probably equate gays, wrongfully, with child abusers or beastiality practicioners. Once, before I got out of the Army I was on orders with the Nat'l Guard. I happened to become close with someone. There had also been a few gay jokes I didn't like that went on earlier that day.
At this point I would like to remind everyone that gay people who have decided that they want to serve in uniform have, for the most part, decided that they are wiliing to keep their mouth shut about sexuality so they can continue to serve. So I told this friend in a one-on-one conversation that I was gay. She didn't believe it and she told me that I am the only gay person she has ever talked to. She said that before knowing me she really thought gay people were somehow loonytunes and belonged in mental hospitals.
Now it is true people in uniform can out themselves with unwanted results but in that case it did not affect our friendship in a negative way and I helped her overcome really bad preexisting ideas. SO, GOOD ON YOU MELISSA. I also want to give a shout out to RANDI RHODES.
Melissa,
As you know, so many gay people have been stabbed in the back by religious figures who made nice at first, only to betray later. Forgive the venom from some of us in the gay community, and PROCEED WITH COURAGE. MANY of us have your back. Remember, MLK Jr. took a lot of heat for talking to the opposition. Bravo to you, and to Randi Rhodes for giving more visibility to your efforts.
Your longtime fan,
Rhet
Rhet,
I'm confused. You legitimize my hurt and anger and heartbreak ("Many gay people have been stabbed in the back...") and then you go on to dismiss the legitmacy ("Forgive ... Many of us have your back")
Which is it?
It's both, Mark. It's totally understandable why some of us would be suspicious of Warren's seeming outreach. Remember when Falwell hosted Mel White's Soulforce group, only to turn on them later?
That said, it's possible to reach out without hoping so much that we're devastated if the other party doesn't come through. It speaks well of Melissa that she made a true effort with Warren, and if she made only a small impact, well, that's still progress. I think one of the reasons Prop H8 passed here in CA is that not enough of us reached out and made ourselves visible, and did our part in advocating for our perspective, and promoting more dialogue. I know, it shouldn't be necessary, but it is what it is.
I totally understand the hurt and anger coming from some people in the gay community on this forum. I think some people went too far with the harsh comments to Melissa. She's trying to do a good thing. She's not giving any ground, she's not compromising. She's trying to build a bridge. No, she shouldn't freaking have to. But these little successes are what make the huge strides possible. If Warren turns out to be another insincere hack, well, we tried.
Hey Melissa, I am a straight woman who loves humans and I want to post a comment to voice my support of you and Randi Rhodes for having the balls to fight for what you believe in. I hope you don't get discouraged by the ignorance that obviously permeates every aspect of human life. You did the right thing by going and representing despite all the obvious obstacles and negatives attached to Reverend Rick. You are brave, strong and a voice of reason, both of you lovely ladies, and if the world had more women like the two of you, it would be a much better place. Thank you and peace to all. President Barack Obama...that sounds AMAZING!
Melissa, after hearing you today on Randi I had to post a comment. I was listening when you called her to let her know about Warren and I could feel the emotions that you were fighting with. I am so proud of you for having the courage to do the "hard" thing and meet with this man. He needs to understand the responsibility he has and that what he says and how he says it affects not only his followers, but all of us! But the thing that struck me about the whole thing is the fact that in your determination to do what your heart told you to do, you not only opened a door and passed through it with Warren, you performed, on stage, as a woman at a Muslim gathering and you opened more doors and hearts with that performance than many Muslim women could have hoped for. In a wonderful twist of fate you chosing to do the hard thing turned out to benefit more people than you know. You are an amazing woman, and although you don't deserve the backlash you're getting in some of these posts, I know you understand that there are millions of us cheering you on and we know that moving forward is always in small steps. Keep the faith, love and happy new year to you and your family and we look forward to seeing you at the inauguration.
Melissa,
As you, I am one of 1800 same sex couples who took advantage of the opportunity to be married in CA. I chose to have a confidential ceremony with no witnesses which is also not public record. My partner of 31 years and I have an "invisible" marriage. Why did we do it that way? Because of 31 years of living in the majority heterosexual world wherein besides our best efforts to let people "just get to know us", it resulted in only a few friendly neighbors and mostly not. We own our own business and home, vote and pay our taxes. We are, by all measures, productive members of society. But, Melissa, we would not have been so eager to believe Pastor Warren's epiphany which he shared with you. Remember, actions speak louder than words. Only time will tell if he really is serious about bridging our community's differences. He has a golden moment during his inaugural invocation to offer an olive branch. What do you think?
Melissa is certainly entitled to her position but I think it is the wrong one. Warren and his ilk cannot be trusted to change. Why is it always the group that is being oppressed is seen as the one that should turn the other check and be nice and understand and beg for understanding by the unenlightened? I am one gay person who wants Obama, Warren and all the anti-gay, homophobic Americans to provide us not with special rights, but equal rights. Militant? Yes. Unapologetic? Yes. I am not a second-class citizen -- I want those who choose to discriminate to show some understanding. I am tired of being treated unfairly. I demand my rights. All gays should demand their rights. I have no faith that honey will be more successful than vinegar in our quest for equal rights.
Why is it always the group that is being oppressed is seen as the one that should turn the other check and be nice and understand and beg for understanding by the unenlightened?
Because those who are for what is right and good should always take the highroad. Otherwise, like Melissa said, you're no better than them.
A new ERA is upon us. You have the courage of your convictions and are a role model for all in the GAY community to emulate. If every GBLT turned one cold heart into acceptance, this world would be a better place. I salute you.
In our hearts we all know that to trust and to forgive -ourselves and others-, is really the only way that change and growth will come about. Not to say that people shouldn’t stand for what they know is right, but I think we would all agree that winning someone over is ultimately better than temporarily defeating them and then fighting the same old battles over and over again.
So, if Melissa has the courage to step up and be and be an emissary, bravo for her. Who knows, maybe her and Pastor Rick can inspire millions to build bridges of peace and understanding across a whole range of issues. Bottom line, there’s nothing to lose and everything to gain from trying.
It's nice to hear that you went to meet with Rick Warren. It's also nice that he was kind to you and warm and personable, sharing personal information, etc. I agree that we should keep the lines of communication open. However I don't think we should just sweep (past?) hateful behavior and hateful speech under a rug. Rick Warren needs to own up to his abstenance-only AIDS work, his bigotry against gays (and others?) and actually work through that for me to say "he's a good guy. " So far I've heard him deny he did anything wrong - it was all just taken the wrong way.
The man is a professional speaker and communicator and can easily say one thing and believe another. It's nice to hear him say good and warm things but I believe it when he says them in public and actually acts with goodness and warmth.
As Randi Rhodes said, when they show you who they are, believe them.
You must be logged in to comment. Log in or connect with
