When I first started blogging, I wrote "An Open Letter to My Sons."
If you are a mommy blogger (or a daddy blogger), there is a good chance you've written one of these letters. That's because there are a few posts that most parenting bloggers will write at some point: we will write about how unbelievably, freakishly, frighteningly, nauseatingly tired we are and we will write about it when we could -- instead -- be sleeping; we will write about how we never thought we'd write about poop (and then we'll write about poop) and we will write letters to our children.
A few nights ago, I re-read the letter to my sons that I wrote a couple of years ago. I didn't like it as much. I tried too hard to include macho-type stuff -- and I don't even know what macho-type stuff is. I wrote about ways I wanted my boys to behave when they were serving as groomsmen, attending football games and visiting strip clubs. My advice wasn't quite from the heart.
So, I want a do-over. And, since this is the Internet and there's room for everything on here -- like recipes for coconut bacon brownies -- I'm revising my letter. I'm taking up a little more Internet today:
- Cook. When people say they "don't know how to cook," it just means that they haven't really tried or they don't like to do it. If you can eat, you can cook.
- Be kind. Be considerate. Be a good friend. (Unless you're friends with idiots.)
- There's a popular book called "Don't Sweat The Small Stuff." I think it is very good advice. So, don't sweat the small stuff, unless the small stuff is bed bugs.
- Speak up. And speak from the heart. You will almost always regret what you didn't say more than what you did say. The exception is when using social media. Think -- think! -- before you hit enter. Emails, posts, Instagrams and tweets are all digital bread crumbs waiting to be found by your future employers, landlords and mothers-in-law.
- Get involved. Raise your hand. Volunteer. Vote.
- While we're on the subject of voting, you should know that life is not a political campaign and it's okay to change your mind about anything, at any time. (Well, not at any time. Not if you're ordering a drink and there's a line behind you. In that case, order quickly and move out of the way.)
- The people who are known for "always having the good gossip" are also the people no one trusts.
- Be extra nice to the new kid, for you will be the new kid one day. You might be 40 when it happens, but trust me, it will happen. And, by God, you will hope that people are nice.
- Be on time. One, if you're often late, people will start getting annoyed with you. And, two, you might miss something really good. Like really, really good. Like the kind of thing your friends will refer to for the rest of their lives. And you missed it because you were still in the shower.
- Be a leader, not a follower. Unless you're leading people somewhere that's dangerous. Then, it's okay to let someone else lead.
- The most important rule of all? Treat others the way you would want to be treated. Also important? No socks with sandals.
- Oh, I almost forgot: Call your mother.
(This post originally ran on Mammalingo on July 18, 2012.)
Our children learn from examples, and that’s why we have to teach them by setting the right examples. This is the only way we will be able to plant a useful seed in the child – by giving an obvious example, in addition to the words. If the children see that their parents are interested in the essence of life, the reason we live for and how to attain it; if they see their parents develop day by day, children feel that their parents can provide them with answers to any question. They can explain what happens in the world and why, help them understand the crisis and all the problems, so they can relate to the world correctly.
I love that your advice to your children is both fun and heartfelt. As a mother, I think it is vital for the advice not to appear in the form of "Do's and Dont's", but to cause the child to understand by himself, within himself, what he needs to do. That way, he won't feel that a certain process is being forced upon his life, but will feel that the idea of change developed independently within him.
BE A MAN OF YOUR WORD.
ALWAYS do what you say you're going to do.. no exceptions.
Otherwise, a man of your word you are not...
If you lose all your money and possesions you haven't really lost much.
If you lose a friend, you've lost something.
But if you lose the integrity of your word, you've lost everything, because you'll have neither money or real friends. People won't do business with someone they don't trust.
Learning to cook, on the other hand, is VITAL. My big hungry sons were motivated to cook because they wanted to EAT! Now it seems like shopping and cooking together is one of their favorite activities with girlfriends. And they're super helpful at holiday time. I love the way they cook - each to their own taste - and look forward to trying the new dishes they invent. It's a creative outlet, as well as a healthy one, and something that is a great fit with a young man looking to body build and/or train for athletics.
Great piece. Love the mix of humor with heart!