Original article appeared on MeritalBliss.com.
Whether or not your pal was the one who called off the wedding, going from marrying one's soulmate to not getting hitched at all is not an easy switch to make. Yet everyone around your friend is likely making the transition trickier with prying questions and insensitive statements. Stay on the supportive side by avoiding these questions and comments.
"How much money did you lose in wedding deposits?"
Just like it's not okay to ask someone how much they're spending on their wedding, it's not okay to ask how much the couple had already committed to the event. Finances tend to be no one's business, and at a time like this, why would you broach an already-touchy topic?
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"I never liked him anyway."
While that may be true, she obviously liked him enough to want to marry him at one point. Telling her that you disagreed with her decision from the get-go makes her feel worse about saying yes to the proposal, a choice she's already regretting. And what if they get back together down the line -- or called off the wedding but are still in a relationship? You just admitted you hate her man.
"Breaking the engagement is better than getting a divorce."
Can't argue with that -- given that there's likely less legal paperwork to contend with pre-wedding than post, among many other things. Still, mentioning the above minimizes the painful experience she's going through now.
"Did you give back the engagement ring?"
If she wants to talk about that with you, she will. Forcing her to address what was likely a difficult decision -- or at least a difficult experience if she returned the ring -- isn't fair.
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"You'll find someone else."
Of course she will. But sharing that doesn't have the reassuring effect you're going for. In fact, it can cause her to doubt that she will fall in love again. That's because the above should go without saying. Offering that sounds like finding someone new isn't a sure thing.
"Did you already buy your dress/book your honeymoon?"
She's not getting married, yet you're asking her about her wedding plans. Do you think that's a subject she wants to get into? If the wedding was set to take place a couple of months from then, it's a safe bet that yes, her dress and honeymoon were bought and paid for. Even if it was many months away, you still shouldn't ask.
Which one of the above is the most insensitive? What else shouldn't you say to someone who just got out of an engagement?
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No make believe religion is going to save you from reality!
If you've just called off a wedding, guess what? It makes people feel uncomfortable! Are you insensive because you caused them discomfort? He!!s no! You're just living your life as well as you can and you made a mistake. So cut your uncomfortable friends some slack and don't write them off as insensitive when they make an awkward comment that makes you feel uncomfortable.
1. I'm sorry.
2. Is there anything I can do to help?
Beyond that, there's a risk of stepping in it, no matter how well intentioned your comment may be.
HP is always running articles about "what Not to Say to [American] Women"...when this happens or that occurs or whatever. Such overly-sensitive nonsense implies that women in this country are weak and unable to handle...objective reality. Time for a re-boot in the editorial department, folks...
If she wants to talk about that with you, she will. Forcing her to address what was likely a difficult decision -- or at least a difficult experience if she returned the ring -- isn't fair."
Totally legit question. Women who say "no" are opportunists and thieves. Know who they are and flee their presence ASAP.
This is a list of what someone in relationship with the woman should say, presumably to help that relationship/her.
it's legit to wonder if she returned it...but they are saying to ask the question is rude. If you think it isn't rude so would ask that say of some woman you work with, take this list as a warning...you'd be innapropriate.
I have said
that must have been hard!
can't imagine it ever being easy...