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Meredith Fineman

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A Few Changes Facebook Left Out

Posted: 09/28/11 11:14 AM ET

If you don't know what I'm talking about and/or don't stalk The Book of Face with a religious propensity similar to someone like myself, ignore this.

Or read about the F8 announced Facebook changes. There's something called a timeline, and you can get it early here. I haven't done it yet, because I'm too busy getting Constance to tap dance for me to brighten my Monday and I'm looking for the best new Deborah Lippman nail polish. Because nothing beats the Monday blues like nailpolish.

We came up with some changes we wish Facebook would make.

Skinny Girl Photo Application.

This is not to be confused with every single product that Bethenny Frenkel has ever endorsed or created, although this could be next in line. (I love you Bethenny! I even use the term batheez now when I take a shower. Which is embarrassing, slightly strange, and probably a little weird.) The FFJD Skinny Girl Facebook feature filters your photos by hottest/skinniest arm first. I know, just don't click backwards. It also automatically selects the skinniest arm photo for your profile pic. But not too obviously self-taken.

Who Has He Hooked Up With? Feature.

This is the FFJD dream feature. Although, sometimes ignorance is bliss, I'd still like to know that you even tried to make out with Becca at the PiKapp formal in college. Because I'm gonna be pissed. Besides the hook-up feature Constance and I are working on, how about an interweb of all of my friends, according to makeout, time-span of awkward dates over wasabi peas and vodka sodas, or little red flags edited by other friends of mine. It could be like a Wikipedia of dating (*unverified comment that Scott touched Jenna's boob inappropriately.*) Or sort of like minesweeper. (There are 5 red flag douches in your friend list.)

How Long Did It Take For Him to Accept My Request Modification.

If I had it my way, (and lord knows I do around here, now Constance has moved onto twirling plates for my general amusement while she makes her way to Starbucks for my morning latte) I'd know how long it took for someone to accept my friendship request, but also if he or she saw it and just is trying to seem cooler by waiting to accept.

Lowercase That Promoter Modification.

I am FAIRLY CERTAIN PROMOTERS ALL OVER THE WORLD HAVE ACCIDENTALLY HIT THE CAPS LOCK KEY AND FORGOTTEN TO GO BACK TO WRITING IN NORMAL PROSE. THIS NEW FEATURE WOULD HOPEFULLY ALLOW YOU TO MODIFY YOUR INVITATION TO THE "TOPLESS BANANA BEACH PARTY RAGER ALL NIGHT DRINK-A-THON FEATURING DJ LOUD ASS MUTHA MUSIC DEAFENING BEATZ ALL NIGHT!!!!!!!!!! GIRLS FREE TIL 11" to actually be written in a way that doesn't feel like a bullhorn.

Seeing Who's the Strumpet Who Defriended You.

Oh wait, you can.

What changes would you make?

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