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Meredith Fineman

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Fifty First (J)Dates: Winking Around on Match.com

Posted: 10/26/10 01:16 PM ET

I've decided to diversify my portfolio, and look into other online dating sites to see whazzup. Match.com has all of those commercials on the teevee, positioned right in between bikini razor ads and cleaning supplies on E! or Bravo. Not that it's transparently aimed at chicks. Nothing says chicks like shrinking shrubbery that is a metaphor for...trimming. (wtf?)

Let's see what I found.

1. I am overstimulated.

This should basically be called overstimulation.com. There is so much text. I don't even know where to look. What is a wink? I like how this is the Match equivalent of a "flirt," except if someone winked at me in real life, I'd be really creeped out. Or I'd think they had a tic, and then I'd feel bad for calling someone a douchenozzle when really it was a muscle reflex that was out of their control.

2. People are a lot hotter. But also a lot uglier.

Not to say that appearance is the only thing that matterz, but Match has some real, bonified, nonjewish, tall, hottie pattotties. So that's good.

However, there are also some people with a face for blogging. There's just a lot MORE to choose from, and it can be very overwhelming. The boys are also on the whole 75% taller. Usually on JDate you know what you're going to get - a nice boy, whose eyebrows might be a little bit bushy, who's pushing 5'9 and makes a mean batch of soup and can talk about Arrested Development. Match is a different frontier.

3. You get 5 "matches" per day.

And it's sort of like a line-up, except the crime committed here is that you're just TOO DAMN SEXY (and you like to read Faulkner, play with your puppy who you named after the Phillies, and pick apples.) You click yes, no, or maybe.

It sort of reminds me of that scene in Keeping the Faith with the rabbi baseball cards..."got it, got it, need it, need it, got it, want it." But instead, it's sort of like "maybe, maybe if I were drunk, hell no, holy crap he has a six-pack Toto we're not on JDate anymore, eh, oh Sara hooked up with him, maybe if we were the only two people on Earth, possibly, and no thanks."

4. There is a lot of overlap with JDate.

I'd say about 50% of the Jooish dudes on Match I've seen on JDate. Man, I've really been around the figurative block. Sometimes they'll put different pictures, but mostly it's the same profile.

5. Match is far more in-depth.

There is just a lot of text. And you are able to say a lot more about yourself. It's a much more extensive character profile than JDate, with everything from talking about your family to your interests to your favorite places in DC. And I'm not sure how inclined I am to entrench myself in your four-paragraph diatribe on the merits of oysters vs. soft shell crabs.

But your abs are nice, so you've just moved from Maybe If I Had Two Drinks to Yes Please. Wink!

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