Hips (and Belly and Butt and Thighs) Don't Lie

One of the things no one tells you before you get pregnant is that baby weight is pretty much impossible to lose. Unlike other weight, which sheds itself nicely with a healthy diet and some exercise, baby weight seems to stick around like a drunk party guest who can't take a hint. No one told me this before I got pregnant, and if they had, I might have lobbied my husband a little more forcefully to adopt. When I brought up to my mother how much trouble I was having losing the last of the baby weight she just sort of laughed and said, "Yeah. It doesn't come off."

About a year before TTC (that's "trying to conceive" for those not up on their acronyms) the husband and I made a pact to get fit together. Our primary goal was to ditch our bad habits and get healthy, and our secondary goal was to lose weight. I also had a third goal, which was to be in the best physical shape I could be in before TTC so I would have a healthy pregnancy.

Though at the time it felt like torture, the fact is that in less than five months Husband lost 35 pounds and I lost 20. We no longer spent half our grocery bill on wine that got consumed at a rate of a bottle a night. We both exercised regularly, every morning. We ate healthy dinners and packed sensible snacks for work/law school. I spent most of 2007 feeling pretty spectacular about myself. For the first time in my life I had a flat stomach, triceps that didn't wiggle when I waved, and thighs that didn't rub together when I wore skirts or dresses. I was already over 30 years old but fit into the same size jeans I wore as a teenager. I bought a closet full of cute, tiny, tight clothes that showed off my Pilates-toned, whole-grain-consuming bod.

Then I got pregnant.

I started off with the best of intentions. I bought prenatal yoga DVDs. I drank orange juice and skim milk all the time. The husband and I took long walks in the evenings. I felt ready to have a happy, healthy pregnancy and give my baby the best start to life that I could. This was my way of showing my baby that I already loved him, oh so much.

Then the morning sickness rolled in. At first it was kind of cute, like I'd randomly get nauseous during the day, so I'd eat half a granola bar or something and it would go away.

But it got progressively worse. One weekend it got so bad that I lost 3 pounds over 5 days. I called my doctor to ask if this was normal, and she prescribed me some Zofran, a powerful anti-nausea medication that's commonly given to chemo patients. She also told me to eat whatever I could, no matter what. Just eat and try to keep it down.

So I did.

I continued to eat this way for my entire pregnancy. Cheered on by an office full of dieting young women who were only too happy to encourage me to eat whatever I wanted because I "could," I did just that. For nine months. Since the Princeling was born in October he had several dozen bags' worth of candy corn piped to him while I was pregnant, as well as countless meatball subs, Doritos, donuts, French fries, chocolate chip pancakes, Slurpees, and so much Nutella that I half expected him to be born coated in it. ("Mrs. Lopez, we're now going to deliver the placenta. Here it-wait, is that Nutella?") The result of all of this was that instead of gaining the adorably normal 25-35 pounds most pregnant women get, I gained 52.

High on pregnancy hormones, I expected that by the time I left the hospital with my pink, wriggly little Princeling in my arms that I'd be ready to pull on those size 6 jeans again. Oh, 2008 Meredith. How young and naïve you were.

The Princeling is now almost a year old and I not only still have my muffin top, but my hips, butt, and thighs have joined the party. Yesterday I went to Target to buy new jeans and caught a glimpse of my butt in the double-mirror. It stared accusingly back at me, saying, "Yeah, like it's my fault you ate that cupcake on Sunday. I'm just the victim here, lady." And then it doubled in size right there in the fitting room!

Meanwhile, I'm doing everything I can to get my flat belly back, but my body just isn't responding. I tried a low-carb diet for 7 weeks. Believe me, I proudly admit to being a carb addict, and 7 weeks of no mashed potatoes with dinner or mac and cheese for lunch was hard. But it didn't help me lose weight. I lost four pounds right away and then gained them all back. I tried the low-cal diet that worked in 2007. That isn't working, either.

I'm doing cardio and yoga and chasing around a hyperactive toddler whose driving purpose in life seems to be to climb up as high as he can onto things and then fall down backwards onto his head. I walk a ton. I've given up my nightly glass (or three) of wine, again. I've given up my nightly bowl of ice cream smothered in chocolate syrup, again. I even bought that issue of Children's Health magazine with Michelle Obama on the cover and the headline, "Get Your Pre-Baby Body Back!" If anyone on the planet can show me how, it's my girl Michelle. I don't even necessarily want to go back to my pre-baby weight - that's just a number on the scale - so much as get my flat stomach back and be able to wear a skirt or dress again without my thighs rubbing together.

Yet it's as if my body is seeking some kind of revenge on me for getting pregnant. "What the EFF was THAT??? What did you just make me do??? Screw that, I'm KEEPING all this extra fat in case you get the brilliant idea to make another person."

With the Holidays approaching, and all the yummy yummy foods that go along with them, I'm tempted to throw in the towel, call it a day, and make peace with my muffin top and ass the size of Mt. Everest. That's the feminist thing to do, right? So pass me another bag of candy corn and clear the sidewalks, 'cause my thunder thighs and I are on the loose!

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Comments

[TaraB]

And then there are the freaks of nature - Heidi Klum, Kelly Ripa, Elizabeth Hasselbeck, Angelina Jolie....H­OW DO THEY DO IT??!!

[Meredith Lopez - Huffpost Blogger]

They can afford personal trainers and private chefs, LOL!!!

[ilfoster]

I can so relate! I actually did lost my "baby" fat, but I've been up and down in weight ever since...fu­nny how divorce and singleness seem to help with weight loss... anyway, here I sit happily married and weighing as much as I did pregnant and trying the eat-better­-and-exerc­ise thing again.... BTW, I did the breast reduction back before my pregnancy when I was twenty. (I can so relate to the cup size, Meredith!) My baby is now 21 and my cup size is about the same as when I was twenty...s­o much for breast reduction.­.. If I don't lose this surgically enhanced stomach (post hysterectomy and artificial hormones starting age 28) I'm tempted to do the surgery. Good luck, ladies, we all deserve better than this!!

[Meredith Lopez - Huffpost Blogger]

Amen to THAT!

You know, since posting this yesterday I've been thinking about how, as women, society tends to program us to feel bad about ourselves. And I fully admit that a lot of my issue is pure, concentrated vanity.

But part of it also is wanting to feel like I am the best I can be, physically. I read for my mind, I do yoga for my spirit, I write for my mental health. Why not want to do something for my body, too? Yet my body seems non-responsive. And that colors my mind, spirit, and mental health. :-(

[daisy catmom]

I pretended not to hear whenever other women complained about how harder it is to lose the weight as you get older. Motherhood came to me in my late 30s and did an "Aha!" number on me. Gone was the sleek profile I used to be proud of whenever I looked at myself in the mirror. Some of the pregnancy weight came off but the fat that stuck to my belly was there to stay! Diet and exercise have become an exercise in futility! I'm not proud of it, but I decided one day I'm going to do something about my pooch that won't go away, even if it means seeing a (competent) surgeon about it. So earlier this year I had lipo scheduled (against hubby's wishes). Although recovery was a pain, in the end I was glad I had it done, as I was pretty convinced that there was no other way I could get my gut to disappear! To anyone out there who considers surgery--do your homework, choose your surgeon very well, be realistic about your results, and you will be happier for it!

[Meredith Lopez - Huffpost Blogger]

Daisy, I'm glad you brought up the issue of lipo. I've already told my husband that if my breasts either get bigger or stay the same size after baby #2, I would like to have breast reduction (I'm only 5'5" but I'm a 34DD, and my back and shoulders are paying the price). But I'd also consider lipo on my belly.

The fact is that I feel like I'm treading water with my body right now. I exercise and eat right just to maintain. If I stop "treading water" I'll drown! But there is no finish line in sight, no end result that I feel I'm getting closer and closer to, even slowly. If I saw some actual results from all the cardio and yoga I do, and food and drink I deny myself, then at least I could feel like I'm accomplishing something other than keeping myself from getting bigger or fatter. It's frustrating, to say the least.

[ConstanceReader]

I'm ready to give up myself, although it's not post -baby weight (I've never been pregnant). I was looking as good as I had since I was a freshman in college when I had a health setback. I'm on the other side of it now but, although regular exercise resulted in slight toning (I can see it but nobody else can), it also resulted in weight gain (eating twice as much as before) and compressed femoral nerves and exhaustion. I haven't worked out in three weeks and while my flesh is starting to shimmy again, my legs haven't been numb and my appetite and energy levels have returned to normal.

I'm too vain to give up but good LORD, I wish I weren't.

[Meredith Lopez - Huffpost Blogger]

Right??? That's pretty much how I feel, too. Too vain to give up trying, too frustrated to put forth any more effort than I already am. *sigh*

[Nor Cal Mom]

Awww yes. I hear you sister.

[Meredith Lopez - Huffpost Blogger]

Thanks, Nor Cal Mom. I love your icon, btw. :-)