Note to the American public: there is no such thing as a constitutionally guaranteed right to privacy. Perhaps there should be, but there isn't. If you didn't know that, don't feel too bad. Many people in the Tea Party aren't aware that there is a constitutional mandate separating church and state.
And yet, it's clear that some people have the time to obsess about privacy. These people have chosen to take on the Transportation Security Administration (TSA) in its fiendish mission to make flying safer.
I take a different perspective. In comparison to having to remove my shoes, belt, jacket, pocket contents, liquids, laptop, iPad and phone -- before publicly re-dressing myself -- the patting and scanning is nothing more than a very minor travel hassle. And yes, I've been patted and scanned just recently: it just wasn't that big a deal.
According to Lester Holt -- sacrificing his Holiday weekend to be in Afghanistan -- more than 70% of the Americans agree that Pat-Scan-gate is just another tempest in a teapot. (Pun intended.) To the rest of you, I'd suggest that you consider five things far worse than having your 'junk' examined in the airport.
1. Blowing up in mid air. Me, I'd rather be frisked, scanned and perhaps even probed.
2. Missing your connection. As usual, the wanna-be celebrities won't suffer on tomorrow's day of privacy protest. Such 'brave' libertarians would prefer to decry big government while being egged on by a Fox News personality. Not so the innocents who will miss their connecting flights and spend much of their holiday weekend sitting on virtually clean airport linoleum.
3. Serving in Afghanistan. Right now, US soldiers are freezing their butts off in a place that humbled the British Empire and the Soviet Union. My guess is that most of these men and women would trade a little privacy to be virtually anywhere else this Thursday.
4. Having been born a turkey. According to the US Department of Agriculture, 45 million of these hapless creatures have gone to their deaths such that we may feast on this day of national thanks. Arguably, the only ones happy about this are cows and pigs.
5. Being the one who has to pat you down. You think it's demeaning to be scanned. Imagine being the poor sod who has to frisk 40 or 50 people a day, every day. That's not titillating; more likely, it's a leading cause of celibacy.
So to those of you who are planning on ruining the holiday plans of others, I beg you to have some perspective. And if that's too much to ask, "Frisk you!"
Follow Michael B. Laskoff on Twitter: www.twitter.com/AbilTo