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Ask Michael Cohen: How to Deal With Someone That You Used to Know

Posted: 05/15/2012 2:16 pm

I've recently been having some problems with a friend due to her drinking issues.  It started about a year ago when I noticed her getting a bit wasted at dinner parties. She would slur her words and talk about stuff that well, I don't think should be spoken about at the dinner table. I don't enjoy having dinner with her anymore even when it is just the two of us. What do I do?  Shelly K, New York City

Your friend sounds like a hot mess, poor thing. Slurring of the words really annoys me as well.  So, here is my advice and it's really simple. Stop having dinner with your friend. Instead, try another meal such as breakfast. I would say lunch but she may pull a Ramona from the Real Housewives Of New York City and start with the Pinot Grigio and you know how that wine goes down like water.  Now, if she has a couple of Bloody Mary's with breakfast on let's say a Wednesday, she may have a real problem but don't make it your own. Once you allude to or accuse someone of being an alcoholic, your friendship could take a terrible turn for the worse and it's too much drama.

Sometimes with friends, as your life or their life habits change, you just have to  change your social activities with them before you get sucked into their downward spiral. And one more thing -- the dinner table is where every thing should be spoken about.


Out of the blue, my ex-boyfriend has reappeared. After not speaking for six months, I got a text message that read, "Hello." I had thought about not responding but, of course, I did. The result only angered me. After a lengthy text conversation, I felt we were right back where we ended -- nowhere. I don't know what he wants but even seeing his number pop up on my iPhone causes my stomach to get so upset, I need to run to the bathroom. I still love him and I'm not sure where he is with me but this isn't healthy, is it? Jennifer Stuart, Baltimore, MD

No, it's not healthy. If someone rattles your nerves so much that you have to head for the bathroom, I wouldn't say you are in a good place with them. I admit I made the same mistake a few months ago and the result was a disaster. Someone that I used to know also texted me  "Hi" after not speaking for months. At first, I felt great because obviously, he must miss me and wants me back, right?  The last text message correspondence we had was from my end and it read something like this... "go f**k yourself." I admit it was unworthy of me and am still a bit ashamed I acted so immaturely. So, don't pull a Michael the next time you get that lame "hello." Move your finger to the "delete" button and don't look back. If you still find yourself with the runs, telephone your cell carrier and have his number blocked. There are plenty of men out there and if you're stuck in your past, you can't create a future.  


I live in Miami and my very close girl friend has been filming a reality show. She is one of the new stars to the cast and it's getting to her head. Every conversation is about filming and every single time we go somewhere she says, "The cameras may be there, so look fabulous." As if I ever don't look fabulous and as if I care! It's just become too much and she's not even on TV yet. I don't know how handle this friend and what to do, but our friendship is suffering.  Name Withheld.

Gee, I wish you would tell me who you are, but anyway, your friend sounds like she has all the trappings of a fame whore and that attitude will only warrant 15 minutes of it. I am going to revert back to the same advice I gave the reader in question one -- change your social activities with said friend.

Spend time with her that involves less talking. Take a yoga class or hit the steam room at your favorite spa. I can barely breathe in there, let alone talk. It still keeps your friendship together, just in a different way and it doesn't totally disconnect ties.

If the narcissism continues to reign supreme and she really is your friend, let her enjoy the ride. Just not with you. This self-aggrandizement is something she needs to do, whatever her reasons are and really, that's okay. Friendships evolve and sometimes they even take a hiatus. It can be for weeks, months or longer but with tried and true friends, there's a good chance you'll get together again, proving that tired cliché, "it's like we spoke yesterday" isn't so tired after all.


After a very personally challenging nine months, Ask Michael Cohen is back and will run bi-weekly. Need advice from this twisted Dear Abby?  Ask me anything in the comments sections below or email me at mcnewyorkcity@gmail.com.

 

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