Has it only been a week? It feels so much longer and arduous.

5) Michael Phelps Pot Jokes

Who wants smoked fish? After Mike takes a hit, he wants the breakfast of champions for breakfast, brunch, lunch, dinner and desert! That's why Michael Phelps swims so fast: he's paranoid...

As always, when Bush says something succinct and kind of funny, the Republicans try to hide it.

That's right. Bush said that Wall Street got drunk, and now it's hung over. And it's waking up next to China. And in the morning light? Uh-uh, it don't look...

You may not have heard because it's not really being covered by the news, but the Foreign Intelligence Surveillance Act has been passed! And--this is the awesome part--telecom immunity.

That means that corporations and the government can watch what you do without being held responsible. Which means your...

I went to an America-themed wedding last weekend.

My friend--who asked not to be put into this article--has an uncle who's very, very, very conservative. He's a firefighter, he hates seeing gay dudes kiss at Six Flags, that sort of thing. And for his third wedding, he decided to switch...

Now that Barack Obama has resigned from his membership in the Trinity United Church of Christ in Chicago, one would think they would simply each go their own way. But if the signs around Trinity on Sunday were any indication, the church isn't taking the break up too...

After the continual pummeling she's received in the past few weeks, Hillary Clinton now claims that she's within striking distance of the popular vote.

And while that's clearly not true, I disagree with those who claim she's not even in the ballpark. In fact, she's very well within...

Oh, Iran! You! C'mere you! If you were personified as a little kid, I'd give you a swirly, I would! First you hate Jews. Then you tell me that there are no gays in your country. And now you ban Barbie? What won't you do for a little...

According to CNN, some Americans are now traveling to Mexico to buy cheap gas. Like its people, Mexico's gas is both hardworking and half the price of the American equivalent.

Naturally, saving so much money on gas comes with its own temptations.

For example: it let's say at...

Hey, guys! We've had a lot of fun the past few weeks with a certain governor! Am I right? But did you know there are also real news stories happening right now that effect you more than the desperate fame grab of a semi-talented hooker? But those stories can be...

Dr. Doom is back, and this time he has called Israel a "filthy bacteria." The statement has caused an uproar amongst Israel supporters so today Ahmadinejad released a detailed diagram to prove that Israel is one large prokaryotic cell bent on swallowing the entire Middle East. Sounds...

We're only two months in and this has already been a fantastic year for people who hate people who get more attention than them. What's her name lost a kid or two, I think. And that one dude who was alright died but that's okay because he hung out with...