06/08/2012 08:28 pm ET | Updated Aug 08, 2012

I Have a Ph.D. and I Don't Believe in Evolution, Either

It's finally time to come clean: I am officially renouncing my belief in evolution. I have a Ph.D. in physics with an extensive background in neuroscience, and I can no longer say I believe in evolution. In fact, anyone with even a moderate science background who believes in evolution is simply lying to himself or herself. After all, if you have even a basic grasp of genetics, then believing in evolution is like believing in horses.

You simply can't believe in things that are true beyond a shadow of a doubt. In fact, if you are a human (or octopus overlords from the future... Planet of the Apes, yeah, right), you're committing evolution right now. Your very presence on this planet is all the proof of evolution you should ever need. Unless you happen to be a clone (hello, Dolly), you are proof that the genes of your parents can be recombined in a unique pattern. The combination of DNA bequethed to you and embedded within your 10 trillion cells is full of imperfections and replication errors that make you you. And every now and then, this recombination process goes majorly awry.

There isn't anything more complicated to evolution than this simple fact, but I can hear some grumbling, so let's get a bit more proof. Polydactyly is a condition where a person is born with extra digits or parts of a digit. It is extremely rare, as all good evolutionary events are. Most genetic anomolies are fatal or detrimental (e.g., Tay-Sachs disease, trisomies). Some are relatively benign (e.g., blonde hair).

The good news is that if you don't want to commit further acts of evolution, then there is a simple way to opt out: Don't have offspring. Because the minute you have offspring, you've done evolution (unless you clone them).