10/22/2010 02:56 pm ET | Updated May 25, 2011

Florida Anti-Immigration Bill Is Really an Insidious Communist Plot (Satire)

Liberal observers in Florida are no doubt howling in protest at the new anti-immigration bill being proposed by state legislator William Snyder. It's true, on the surface, it does appear to be blatantly racist, targeting would-be immigrants from some countries, and not others, and excluding from its reach residents of four Asian countries and all those who live in non-visa countries.

A provision in the bill allows immigrant to assume legal status if the person had a Canadian passport or a "passport from any 'visa waiver country'" -- which are primarily located in Western Europe. That's right: white people from Canada and Europe are still welcome.
Snyder defended this provision as promoting Canadian tourism. "What we're doing there is trying to be sensitive to Canadians," he said in a radio interview. "We have an enormous amount of ... Canadians wintering here in Florida. ... That language is comfort language."
Personally, I think this is the most insidious communist plot to take over America since the introduction of the Volvo. (Why self-respecting American wants a car whose chief virtue is safety?)

Just think how brilliant this strategy is. First, exclude all those poor people of color from, say, Mexico. They're desperate to enter America because it provides them with economic opportunity, a chance to gets jobs that support their families, buy homes, and participate in the American dream. They love this country so much they would do almost anything to come. They believe fervently in American ideals, and would be dutiful citizens were they admitted. They might even vote Republican.

But white Europeans? They're smugly self-satisfied with their national health care system, their free high-quality education for all. Those countries provide state-sponsored abortions, and children are given comprehensive sex education in the schools and access to birth control - without their parents' consent! Europeans haven't had a decent war in decades, and they keep cutting their military budgets. They offer paid parental leave to new parents - all at taxpayer expense!

No European country supports gun rights -- they all have massively repressive gun control laws. All European countries have anti-discrimination policies that protect gays and lesbians. Some of them even allow gay marriage!

In Europe, the policies promoted by Democrats are considered right wing! That's how ultra-left they are!

You can see how subversive this bill really is. Snyder is throwing out the welcome mat for these socialist-minded Europeans!

Listen, when these people start coming, you think they're going to be satisfied with our system? Hell, no. They're going to take over. They're going to teach evolution in our schools, hand out condoms to children on every street corner, and insist on abortion, whether you're pregnant or not. They'll take away your gun but give you free education and medical care. Have you ever heard of anything more un-American than that?

This must be stopped before it's too late. Contact your state legislator and urge them to vote against this insidious, subversive bill. Once the Europeans come, America is lost.