The Evil Spawn is lazy.
How lazy?
She's so lazy she doesn't dry off after her shower.
When she walks out of the bathroom she's beaded up with water like a freshly waxed car.
Who exactly is that lazy?
I get "too lazy to clean her room." I even get the kind of lazy when she puts more effort into avoiding chores than actually just doing them.
But so lazy she can't even wipe a towel across her body.
Really?
This is what I've had a hand in creating? Actually, it wasn't a hand, but that's a WAY different blog.
This is my legacy?
This is who will get 100 percent of my inheritance?
What becomes of these teenagers when they grow up?
Is it my destiny she'll be living in my house at the age of 30 because she's in year 12 of junior college?
Actually any amount of time in junior college doesn't sound too bad at this point.
Will I be the grandparent who has to raise my daughter's children because I'm afraid she won't dry them off and they will drown in their sleep?
When I get on her about her lack of effort it's always the same response.
"Dad, I'm only 9."
At what age will she kick in and stop being a burden on society (actually I don't care about society as much as I could use her help emptying the trash)?
Is this just a phase or my future?
When should I start getting concerned the Evil Spawn is not the person to trust in administering my medication as I struggle through my Senior Years?
I'm going to need help. Those adult diapers don't change themselves.
I've tried (to no avail) to convince her of my theory on success.
Plus 1.
You don't have to be great at anything, you just have to do it consistently and then add 1 repetition.
She wants to play basketball. I tell her all she has to do is dribble everyday and practice 1 more minute than everyone else.
Over the next few years this will add up. It will be hours and days more than other girls are practicing.
Spelling test? Review the words one more time.
She will see the results in her grade.
Want to earn more accelerated reading points? Read one more book than her classmates.
It's not difficult. It's not brain surgery.
It's just Plus 1.
This also works for adults. People constantly tell me they don't have time to blog.
I don't either.
I just do it consistently (remember quantity, not quality). And then each month I try to write (?) just one more.
Sure, the last one each month stinks, but that's not the point.
People also say they don't have any more time in their busy days.
They can't possibly work one more thing into their schedules.
They can't read a book. They can't take a walk. They can't start a classroom website.
I don't buy it. Get up 10 minutes earlier each day. That's over an hour a week of extra time (70 minutes if you're a math teacher).
This is certainly enough time to accomplish one more thing.
I'm telling you this advice is pure gold.
The Plus 1 Theory.
It takes intelligence and talent right out of the picture (lucky for me).
It's just effort.
And who doesn't have a free endless supply of effort at their disposal?
Although, maybe you shouldn't take my advice.
I am the parent who is perplexed because I can't get my daughter to dry off after a shower.
Maybe I should have had one more kid.