10/17/2008 05:12 am ET Updated May 25, 2011

Lipstick on a Bourgeois Pig

"The economy is fundamentally strong." -- President Herbert Hoover, after the stock market plummets in 1929.

"The fundamentals of the economy are strong." -- John McCain, after the stock market plummets in 2008

"What I meant American workers! The fundamentals are the American workers! And they're the best workers in the world!" -- John McCain, after his campaign handed him some note cards. (I'm not kidding)

Senator Fat Cat and Governor Good 'Ol Girl would be a joke if it wasn't for the fact that it's all so deeply tragic. He has spent a career espousing the necessity of deregulation and she's apparently spent hers in a tanning bed. These self-appointed mavericks tell anyone who will listen how they're going to keep Washington out of your business, that they're going to shrink the government, and trust Americans to deal with their own lives without government interference. They condescend and patronize and tell you change is coming but fail to mention that the very change they're promising would, by definition, have to change the very things Grandpa McCain promoted, supported, and voted for. John McCain is going to take on the Old Boy Network, the Fat Cats, and the Washington Establishment? The only way that could possibly happen is in a Twelve Step Program. "My name is John McCain and I'm a Fat Cat."

Notice that the minute there is a disaster of any sort, Old Man Winter responds in two ways -- the disaster is either not actually happening and you're just whining, or, he's going to make sure it never happens again. And how exactly is he going make sure of that? Well, he says he's going to appoint a commission -- that's right, a GOVERNMENT commission. If that sounds like more of that bureaucracy he's going to shrink, it's because it is. And what do you think that commission going to recommend? Hold on...wait for it comes....REGULATION. You heard right, Seniletor McCaine and Governor I-Can-See-Russia-From-Here would officially like to change their position. It seems they've awakened to the stunning realization that "government interference" is exactly what's needed to do all that changin' and reformin' they gon' do.

With a nick-nack-paddy-wack, give a dog a bone. This old man is going home.