Ellen Degeneres Is Married. And I Don't Care.
I saw a clip of Ellen Degeneres today, so upset she had trouble catching her breath. Why was she so upset? Because the vice presidential candidate of the party of small government, of states rights, of "getting government out of your way," thinks that defining marriage is more important than that all-important issue of abortion. That's right, Sarah Palin has said that abortion should be decided at the state level, but apparently the definition of marriage is so important that it requires that the United States Congress rewrite the Constitution.
I don't know Ellen, I've never met Ellen, I don't even watch Ellen. One of the things I do know about Ellen is that she's married. Ellen fell in love with another human being and she promised to love, honor and cherish that human being for the rest of her life. I'm very happy for her. Thrilled for her, in fact. But, mostly, I don't care. It doesn't change my life one bit. Not at all. It certainly doesn't change the way I feel about my wife or my marriage. And that's exactly how it should be.
There is not a culture on earth, not a culture in history that hasn't created and replicated an elaborate celebration for marriage. We use traditional vows or we write our own, we have bridesmaids and groomsmen, we use priests or rabbis or clerics or our college roommate ordained for a dollar on the internet. We arrive by limo, parachute and elephant. We dance in circles, sing in ancient languages, and throw bouquets. We embarrass ourselves silly and we love every minute of it. And why? Why do we do it? Why do we create so much hoopla over two people promising to love each other? Because, like ducks and wolves and lions, we are creatures who mate for life. Because we know how rare love is, how hard it is to find someone who we can love and who loves us back, and because most of us are such a pain in the ass to live with that the mere fact that anyone is willing to put up with us deserves a party.
Maybe sometimes this marriage thing doesn't work out, but the mere hope that it will, the mere assumption that it could, brings us back every time. We stream into our churches and synagogues, mosques and cathedrals to watch the people we love shout it at the top of their lungs. And let me tell you this, if you love someone enough to pledge your devotion to them until the end of time in front of everyone that means anything to you, then there is only one thing the rest of us should do. Applaud.
We shouldn't be deciding who can and who can't be in love, who can and who can't declare their love before their God, and who can and can't declare their love before their society and their government. Love is too rare to limit it, too elusive to rein it in, and too important to want to.
And for you Californians, VOTE NO ON PROP 8.
Loading comments…
Want to reply to a comment? Hint: Click "Reply" at the bottom of the comment; after being approved your comment will appear directly underneath the comment you replied to
FLORIDIANS: Please VOTE NO on Amendment 2! for the same reasons Michael has so eloquently expressed in his column.
If the religious right-wingers are so determined to "preserve marriage," then why don't they just outlaw divorce? Why are they trying to put the blame on people who are demanding to be treated equally under the law?
Terrific article, my sentiments exactly. I don't understand why this can even be an "issue." Marriage is a legal contract, nothing more. How anyone can deny a citizen to enter into a legal contract solely because of their sexual orientation is beyond understanding and clearly unconstitutional. The celebration with or without religious trappings is just icing and has nothing to do with the legality of the marriage.
Here Here!
Over the years the constitution has been amended to include and unite people and grant more of us rights, not to exclude or divide us and take away rights. And considering where we as a culture are now, if a measure was ever introduced in the House that would take away rights and divide us, it would never pass.
I would also like to say this, Michael, and I realize it's so terrifically easy to comment from the peanut gallery, but Love is not rare, it's everywhere. Love is all you need and all you need is love.
Maybe you meant to say, a happy marriage is rare. :-)
Why does the religious right feel it necessary to stick their nose where it clearly does not belong? Love, marriage and family planning are among the most intimate decisions we make and they want to be involved? They would invite the government into these decisons that are nobody else's business? They decide who I can fall in love with? Spend the rest of my life with? Interfere with whether or not we want kids? Bullshit! Vote every republican evangenital idiot out!
I totally agree with this post. Especially the arguement that love is too important and rare for us to limit. Who are we to decide how someone else expresses their love?
The Christian Right need to stay out of other people's lives.
Personally hunting disgusts me but we were supposed to be born free in this land...
Wait, Ellen got married??? That's it, I need to divorce my wife now, because I have this strange urge to be gay!!!
That's the dumbest thought, that gay marriage will destroy traditional marriage..
One of the very few policies that Obama and Biden have gotten wrong. They both want to give gays the right to civil unions but not the right to marry.
Of course McCain and Palin are still in the dark ages.
Nice to hear Ellen speaking out. She asked Biden about his stand on Prop 8 the other day but let him off the hook on his opposition to same sex marriage. Too bad the gay community has to settle for partial acceptance from the Democrats because they see how bad things will get if the Republicans stay in power.
Interesting link on cnn:
http://www
I think that they should remove the "right" to get married from EVERYONE! Separate the word marriage from the govt, and put it back where it belongs, with the churches.
Then everyone who wants the tax, inheritance, and other benefits of being "married" can go to their local County Clerk and get a Civil Union license. Once you get the license you are now legally joined, and can have all the benefits that apply.
If you want to get married, with or without the Civil Union license, that's fine. You go to the church and get the pastor/pri
Precisely. I just don't get why so many people CARE about things that have nothing to do with them and don't affect their lives directly. If someone thinks it's a sin, they don't have to do it, but the whole point of America was providing a country where people didn't tell you what to believe in.
It's time we all remember and embrace the Ninth Amendment:
“The enumeration in the Constitution, of certain rights, shall not be construed to deny or disparage others retained by the people."
It is a very spare amendment that lays down a huge generalization that basically covers everything else. This type of statement is common in contract law, and it occurs to me that the Constitution and the Bill of Rights are contracts with we have with ourselves.
I am willing to support polygamous marriages (no coersion!), gay marriage, solitary lifestyles, heterosexual marriages, any of it. It is our right to do this in this country.
Exactly! As long as everyone involved is a consenting adult, who gives a f**k?!?
People's private lives, and especially their love lives are their own business, not the government's.
Maybe your title is a bit unfortunate. As a compassionate person with depth and intelligence, you should care a little more.. not about Ellen being married or if that changes your life one bit. In fact it does.
In the bigger picture you want to believe in a society that is fair and equal for all. The endless abusing of the gay subject to swing voters and create division is wrong and old. The abortion issue also. I know of a few righteous GOP who got their own daughters knocked up and got her an abortion.
Their Hypocrisy is endless and people should be more educated about what Hypocrisy means.
So maybe you may not care about Ellens marriage but more about love and commitment in general, but your title choice got me confused for a bit. I wish more columnist would list all countries where same sex marriages are legal and how that hasn't changd a bit the supposed "sanctity" of marriage.
For one thing I believe that those phony morons who are so adamant about protecting marriage should fight to ban divorce.. and walk the talk... go tell that to those GOP lawmakers who have several divorces and many stranded children, hurt by their lavish use of the act of divorce.
Thank you for writing this in the way that you did. I only hope that there are more people who feel the same.
Sadly, Ellen's marriage has affected me: I was living in hope until now.
Michael, thank you for expressing my sentiments. I also thank all those other folks who wrote kind statements. I hope that Ellen and Portia have a long and happy life together. I hope that you, Michael, and your wife have a long and happy life together. That truly is what marriage is all about.
You must be logged in to comment. Log in or connect with
