"I Want My Country Back!"

Editor's Note: This satiric take on the underlying racism of the birther phenomenon contains language some may find objectionable. If you are satire-challenged and prone to taking things too literally, it may not be for you.

I hear you, lady. And thank you for bravely holding up your birth certificate and tellin' that Congressman Castle you want your country back! Hell yeah, darlin'! Hell frickin' yeah!

You want your country back from that "citizen of Kenya" who's dirtying up our lily White House with his jungle music and satin sheets. I hear you loud and clear. I mean, Jesus H. Christ, this guy didn't ride in on a white horse, people! He rode in on a low-rider with a 40-ounce and few bitches in the back seat. Back in the old days, when it was still our country, we'd just hang that nigger up. But now, now that these Jews and Ayrabs took our country from us, they just say thank you and give that nigger a motorcade to ride our white asses right over to commie-ville, all while playing Hail to the motherfuckin' Chief! Enough is enough! Can I get an amen, Lou Dobbs? Rush Limbaugh, can I get a hallelujah?! Or how about just a bill passed, Congressman John Campbell?! Sure, you might be a goddamn retard, but you're our kinda goddamn retard! Let's make it a law, goddammit! Can't be no goddamn president unless you have a goddamn birth certificate! That'll show them niggers!

Yeah, yeah, yeah, I heard all about his Jew lawyers bringing out his "birth certificate" during the campaign. Forgery. Heard about the McCain folks investigating it and saying there was no there there. Yeah, well, what do you expect from John McCain. Couldn't beat a nigger in the U-S-of-A, even with that pretty Sarah Palin at his side! Mmm, mmm, I like me some Sarah. Anyway, yeah, I also got an earful about that Republican Governor of Hawaii and her lily-livered Health Department official saying he saw the original birth certificate. Puh-lease. You think I don't know you're in on this whole sham, Governor Nigger-lover?!

And about this so-called birth announcement that showed up 47 years ago in the newspaper? What do you expect from the Jew York Times!!! Those kikes hate America. Oh, it wasn't the New York Times? It was Honolulu Adviser? Well, so what, Hawaiians are just lighter skinned niggers who surf, far as I'm concerned. They're all in on it together. We don't get this country back, right-frickin'-now, you can bet they're just gonna hand it right over to the terrorists. That's right, terrorists. You don't want to get me started on Obama Bin Laden...

Comments

[nimblehuman]

Kudos, Michael, you wrote out the filth that these 'birther' twits would say out loud if they weren't such two-faced hypocrite cowards.

Nicely done!

[ScrappyGal]

Awesome.

Some of us (Black Americans) know why they're disputing his place of birth. You and many others just put it out there for all to see. Just saying what they WANT to say.

Thank you!

[iMissMollyIvins]

So, you've met my neighbors... yeah, we don't get along at all.

[larry278]

The language offends me. When we speak English in my barrio, we say, "Hell, fothermucking, yes". It's upsetting to see or hear Anglos when they don't use English properly. Fhat the wuck are we bi-lingual (English & Spanish) supposed to think of Anglos who say that they love English & that we have to learn English if we want to live in 'Murica. You Anglos act like people who don't use condoms when you have casual sex. Haven't you heard of HIV (SIDA)? Love waxes & wains but AIDS (SIDA) & herpes always remain. ?Nobody 'splain dat tu u? If ya gonna uz Ingles, uz it rite. U gringos son loco, crazy in da hed.

[Cyn-inA2]

Hey, how did that happen? My sister and brother-in-law are going to sue you to the hilt if they find out that you have an illegal listening device implanted in their house! Oh, and I forgot the "you commie liberal" part! Carry on.

[blaqntelligence]

LOL!!!

[tqcobb]

I like this! its EXACTLY what the birthers and their political and media supporters WANT to say

[LCRover001]

The offensive words are the point of the article.

I have lived my whole live in the South, how ever I have also been around folks from all over this nation and this type of speech isn’t a regional thing it is uttered in every state of the union.

I can say that how this article is written is the unedited talk of those who edit them selves around others and speak their minds when they think they are in like minded settings. What I mean is when they are around people different of color they speak one way and when they are around folks of the same color they speak another.

It is rare now a days to hear these words uttered in public, yet in private they come all to easily from their lips.

Those who use these words edit themselves.

One day I know Dr. Kings dream will come true and one day I know we will only see our selves as Americans, not real Americans and others, not this color America or the other but we will all be Americans.

[gs425]

Nahh, the left never plays the race card.

[demigod]

Wow - the truth hurts, doesn't it ? All you can say is "I know YOU are, but what am I ?"

[blaqntelligence]

Playing the race card? Hmmm......

You mean like calling certain people racists because they toss around not-so-subtle racial insults?
Really....?
Wow.

[WhyNaught]

Wow, you channeled them perfectly. I can just see DeMint saying those very words...

[wanda665]

actually this is exactly the way those ignorant people think and express themselves.

[gs425]

channeled or projected?

[gs425]

Channeling or projection...no diff there

[gs425]

sorry....double post.

[jade7243]

For the record, I'm not satirically challenged, but ... that being said... on the other... I found the language to be gratuitous. I suppose you could say it was written in part as an homage in style to Lenny Bruce. I suppose you could say that. Just struck me as like pushing the "easy button."

That being said, when juxtaposed with "The Great National Discussion We're Not Having This Week or Anytime Soon On Race and Race Relations, Cambridge, Massachusetts 2009 Edition," where -- just a moment... will all the white people supporting the cops please move to the "right" side of the room and all the black people move to the back of room, and bleeding heart liberals move to the left... okay that's better -- where those on the "right" side are sounding pretty darn indistinguishable from those birthers on the far right.

They both want their country back. Where us black folks live in predictable neighborhoods, work at predictable "black" jobs, commit predicatable "black," "racially profileable" crimes and don't darken the doorways of the Irish cop pubs and don't take dyslexic firefighters' jobs with that affirmative action cr-p fomented by that wise Latina they saw on the TV, Judge Sonia. Oh, and a white guy lives in the White House.

[DrPhil]

I think you should get over yourself because your fueling the stereotype that outrage at nonsense is the only thing white people are capable of generating.

[LeftRight]

Okay..... Once again..... You don't like the language? There's a REALLY simple solution..... DON'T READ IT!!! Hit the back button on your browser, and GO READ SOMETHING ELSE!

[Sam T]

Superb parody - and right on. As said in a later comment about the 'n-word' - "it should both you". Well said.

I learned at a very young age the negative power of that word. It was 1964, I was 5 years old, living in a small town on the Chesapeake Bay. I had no idea of the concept of racism, but all the whites lived in one part of town, and the blacks lived, literally, on the other side of the railroad tracks. I was playing in the street one evening, with a few kids, including at least one somewhat older black kid 'from across the tracks". G-d knows where I picked up the term, but while playing, I called him the n-word. I received the quickest (and most appropriate) beating of my life, and learned very explicitly that you don't use that word.

Lucky for me, my parents were from NYC, and fairly cosmopolitan. They clued me in that the young boy was right, and I was wrong. I learned a lesson about racism at a young age, and, fortunately, never developed some of the attitudes common of the time in that area.

I offer this story to make the point that people pick up racist attitudes at a very young age. I say this only half kidding - perhaps more young white boys in the south need a good "whooping" when they act like racist jerks.

[LeftRight]

I was five years old, and learned "Eeny Meeny Miny Moe" with that word at school...... Said it around my mother, and hit the wall before I knew that I'd been backhanded......... Learned REALLY quick to never say, write, type, or think that word!

[artgurrl]

It's easy to point out the obvious overt racism that still sticks to some of the citizens of this country like fly paper. But what's sad and aggrevating is that these people don't see themselves as racist. Their use of language may not be the old racist language we are all familiar with but the underlying sentiment is there with the N-word in parentheses or in the margins or in between the words they speak. And, we're seeing it in alot of the representatives of the GOP today. Most recently how the GOP attacks Obama on the issue of Gates or the Healthcare issue and in the Sotomayer hearings. Their choice in how to use language is very revealing in its most obvious insulting, patronizing and condescending tone. Will this country EVER grow up? I would love to see it do just that in my life time.

[kathy001]

I hear this on a daily basis from co-workers and acquaintances (I could not call someone who thinks like this a friend). This post was dead on. What keeps me from going ballistic is the fact that Obama was elected with a very healthy majority - very healthy. This tells me that there are more people out there who do not think this way than there are hopeless, ignorant bigots. We are winning.

[LeftRight]

Not just a very healthy majority.... An EXTREMELY healthy majority!! There've been exactly 6 other Presidents in US history who had a larger percentage of the popular vote for their first term..... Of those six, three were in the roaring 20s, and all three of them were one termers who had their same party elected right after them!

[kathy001]

Wow! Great info. Thanks for sharing. I was too lazy to look it up. :-)

[PlaceboStudman]

I grimaced and cringed my way through this, not just because it was sad, pathetic, and offensive, but because I've heard similiar rants coming from members of my own family. Needless to say, the fact that I dated a black man briefly in college never went beyond me and him

[unity08]

Thi is Colbert and Stewart unfiltered. Well done!