Republicans Debate Their Future, Democrats Say Kiss Our Black Ass

Have you heard? The republicans are in a period of "soul searching." And by "soul searching" they really mean, "Who do I have to kill to be in charge here?" The answer, of course, appears to be everyone's favorite Special Needs Governor, Sarah Effing Palin.

Catch the body language when Governor Snowflake took the podium to answer some questions at the Republican Governors Conference? Texas Governor Rick Perry, looking like the abusive husband in a woman-on-the-run movie, actually elbowed Palin out of his way as he grabbed a hold of the microphone. The message was unmistakable -- she doesn't speak for us and she never will.

I couldn't help but think of that expression, often credited to Charlie Sheen, "You don't pay them to sleep with you, you pay them to leave." Obviously the reference is to prostitutes but it seems somewhat apt here. Watch any of these interviews with the various Republican pretenders to the throne and there is a text and a subtext in what they're saying. The text is some version of, "Sarah Palin's future will be decided by the voters." The subtext is, "Sarah, your money is on the dresser. You can find your way out."

And please, as you're gearing up to send me accusations of sexism, I'm not saying she's a hooker. What I am saying is that she was hired with only one qualification which made her relevant for the first fifteen minutes and has had us checking our watches every minute since.

Did you happen to see President Obama (I'm done saying "President-Elect) on 60 Minutes last night? If you did you probably found yourself cheering at his use of an actual subject and a predicate in each sentence. You probably noted these two "elitists" from Chicago remembering their first date in his car with the hole in the floor. How about a president who talks truthfully about the challenges we face? Or how about when he was asked what he's currently reading and he talked about the writings of Lincoln and FDR. Remember when Baby-Huey Bush was asked that question? He was reading biographies of baseball players and proudly told us he didn't need to read a newspaper.

So, to get back to who will lead the Republican Party in 2012? Who cares. You know what they say, once you go black...

Comments

[Denni]

You're on my alert list! I can't wait to read the next article. Loved your above essay!

[walkerke]

I've been cracking up over the headline alone since I first read it a half hour ago. Made me spew my morning tea.

[Keep Hope Alive]

My co-worker and I (we are both black women) laughed ourselves to death after reading this article, it was spot on but especially after the last line, once you go black you never go back... I actually choked from laughing so hard. Are you married to a sista?

This is priceless...

[kylennblack]

Nice! Thanks for a lunchtime laugh!

[Raster]

Hold on, wait a minute Mr. Seitzman. What, exactly, was that "only one qualification which made her relevant for the first fifteen minutes"? Please be more specific for the dense out here, like me.

[hollyeve]

ovaries...

[BCubedReg]

Hilarious Michael.. Great Job.

[KISHAGREEN]

LOL...loved this post!! Just the afternoon giggle I needed.

[orangeyouglad]

Loved it!

[Frannyvida]

LMAO, also. I still say, Palin is like a hoard of pesky gnats over a bowl of fresh fruit.

[fedupinfla]

Love this post!!

[Anonymiss]

LMAO!!! Loves it!

[igorz]

Nothing like starting the day with a little attitude! Thanks. And (by the way) they can kiss my white one, too.

[LesserFool2]

You forget that the more illiterate, uneducated, anti-intellectual, anti-science and reactionary you are, the greater your chances of success within the GOP.

[hortonhearsawho]

Make my coffee black and the toast too....

[squozed]

Love it!!!! MADE.MY.DAY. Brilliantly induced a visual for me that was dead-on.