Sarah Palin: St8sman 4 Hire

06/30/2010 05:12 am ET | Updated May 25, 2011

"The only thing we have to fear is fear itself." - F.D.R.

"Ask not what your country can do for you; ask what you can do for your country." - J.F.K.

"Our prayers r w/u.All industry efforts must b employed." - S.P.

Okay, you're a fisherman and you've barely recovered from Katrina and you're told that your livelihood for the foreseeable future is about to drown in a thick, toxic sludge. You wake up this morning to find that the former half-term governor of Alaska wants you to know that her "prayers r w/u." Mercifully, she's also providing her expert advise to those on the ground and sea that "All industry efforts must b employed." She had plenty of experience with the Exxon Valdez, remember. She was a sportscaster at the time.

Doesn't this child-in-grownup-clothing work for a news organization? Can't her new colleagues tell her that we're way past industry efforts? In fact, it's a full scale military mobilization. There are no fewer than five cabinet secretaries who haven't had one minute of rest for days because the ocean and the wind and the gurgling slick of death never sleep. There are generals and admirals issuing unprecedented orders to ships and troops. Leading environmental scientists have dropped everything to rush to Washington and the gulf coast to try to find a solution. And did I mention that the coast guard is lighting the ocean on fire?!

All this as this former governor, this former vice presidential candidate, this obscenely paid speaker, this most popular politician in the republican party, this shining star of the highest rated news network on television, this hater of scientists and thinkers, this so-called "freedom lover" and "real American," would like you to know that her "prayers r w/u." And she'd like to tell you that in the form of a text message sent to the world from her Blackberry, over Twitter, from high up in Airhead Force One, on her way to another speaking engagement where she'll talk about the evils of government and how any government spending on those in need is simply un-American - even as millions realize that they are suddenly the aforementioned "those in need."