03/18/2010 05:12 am ET Updated May 25, 2011

The Women of Tiger Woods

I couldn't pick an alleged Tiger Woods mistress out of a lineup. I couldn't tell you any of their names. There seem to be lots of Botox and store-bought breasts, weird piercings (high cheekbone?), and all manner of tattoos we can see, and probably plenty of Chinese characters emblazoned on outer labia that we can't ("This one means 'Peace,' and this one means 'Tiger wuz here!"). There seem to be several strippers, a couple of porn stars, a Vegas cocktail waitress, and a nightclub manager. Aside from that last one, nobody who works for a paycheck. All cash earners. Wondering what the IRS is going to say about $50,000 a night for sex. Where's our cut?

There's a lot of money to be made off the Tiger scandal. There are the obvious ratings, as everyone from Access Hollywood to 20/20 are doing pieces almost daily. There will be the inevitable pictorial in Playboy -- hence, "The Women of Tiger Woods," and maybe MTV's next big reality show -- "See what happens when we put all of Tiger's whores under one roof!"

Yes, feminists, I said whores. But not the kind of whore you're thinking. I'm not talking about the obvious traditional prostitution going on (P.S. -- it's not an "affair" when there's an exchange of cash). I'm speaking of the rampant and repugnant selling of the story to anyone who stuffs a single in their g-string. I thought one of the reasons you pay for sex is for the discretion. At the very least Tiger should get a refund.

Yes, I'm flippant about the prostitution and the cheating because it's not what I care about. There' s a lot of tsk-tsking going on and it's starting to feel a little like that glass house you're not supposed to throw stones from. Sorry, but when "journalists" are asking hookers and strippers how big Tiger's penis is, or how good he was in bed, or whether he used the "L" word, I think we've left the territory of "the public's right to know" and entered the land of "the hypocrites would like to know."

Okay, before you start writing me hate mail, of course I'm human and I care about the kids and the wife. At the moment, though, I care a bit more about what it says about a society that still gathers in the town square to watch a hanging. Maybe instead of all the finger wagging and "Shame on him," there needs to be a little "Shame on us."