November 11, 2011
To: The Ladies
FROM: The Men
RE: All Your Bitchin'
First of all, we don't know how you do it, bleeding every month like that. Jesus H. Christ, it's no wonder you can't think straight when you got another damn gusher around every corner. Hell, that's your explanation right there why you're always making up stories about us men trying to touch your lady bits. Lack of blood!
If you're wonderin' why we're thinkin' 'bout your periods, it's on accounta we were all listening to Rush yesterday. That guy is hee-larious. These women are thinking about doing a group press conference, talking about ol' Herman making moves or some crap. Anyways, Rush says, "What are they gonna do, synchronize their menstrual cyles?" We all nearly peed ourselves we were laughing so damn hard. Whoo-wee! Funny stuff.
God's honest, you gotta reign in these bitches. It doesn't make any of you look good, trust us. Hannity's got a point when he says she wasn't even workin' at the company when it happened! Shee-it, if you can't shove your hand up a ladies dress who ain't even workin' for you, what has this country come to?!
On another note, we'd like to address the problem of so many of you not puttin' out. On second thought, we'll wait until the next letter for that. Don't want to confuse the two issues.